


glitter and crimson

by yoonjeonghan



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Implied/Referenced Underage Smoking, Lee Seokmin | DK-centric, M/M, Slow Burn, best friends to lovers seokshua, implied soonkwan, jeonghan takes 6 years to get over seungcheol, lots of dating, minwon polar opposites dynamic, popular!jihan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:01:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 54,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26475343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yoonjeonghan/pseuds/yoonjeonghan
Summary: it's been joshua and seokmin for god knows how long, but in a year, joshua will be on a plane off to college, leaving seokmin behind. he seeks to make the most out of his last year with joshua, all while he helps his friends get into their respective relationships.or, in which seokmin plays wingman for too long that he forgets to be his own.
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Lee Seokmin | DK, Jeon Wonwoo/Xu Ming Hao | The8, Lee Chan | Dino/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Comments: 37
Kudos: 172
Collections: Finished Reading





	1. prologue

"mural competition?"

"nope, did that last year."

"what about writing?"

"seventh grade." seungkwan clicks his pen and sets it on the table. "and it flopped _really_ hard."

the group of five collectively groans. the issue on the table: student council is planning a back-to-school type competition to welcome all students. the catch? seungkwan and soonyoung are in charge of the competitions. the other catch? seungkwan and soonyoung are the furthest things from creative. 

seokmin snaps his fingers, looking like he just figured out the meaning of life. "a pubg tournament!"

the entire table goes quiet.

even junhui gives him a look of bewilderment.

"actually, you know what..." soonyoung squints into the distance, beginning to nod. "we could do that."

"stuco president's gonna kill us," seungkwan mumbles.

jihoon scoffs. "like she doesn't do that every other day."

"hey," seungkwan raises his voice accusingly, "we did a damn fine job of taking care of their financial issues. put us in competition and they've dug themselves a grave." 

without soonyoung and seungkwan and also junhui and jihoon, seokmin thinks he'd never get a kick of any sorts from going to school. had his friend group been formed by a different set of people, he wouldn't even be alive right now. three out of four of them are older, but they all act like twelve year olds around each other. 

"to save your asses in case seokmin's idea gets scrapped," jihoon begins, "what about a singing competition?"

seungkwan leans in. "explain."

jihoon hums. “pretty self explanatory actually. people sign up with a song they chose. judges decide a winner."

"based on?"

jihoon shrugs. "execution? tone? emotion?"

soonyoung gasps dramatically and clasps his hands. "all!"

the group erupts into a chorus of "yeah"s and random screaming as they shake soonyoung. the boy grins, hair falling into his face from the sheer force of junhui's arms. seokmin catches a glance of the table next to them glaring and rolling their eyes, but he pays them no mind. of course their friendship is a flex. it’s the biggest flex in seokmins life.

amidst all the commotion however, seokmin spots something. they’re eye-catchingly significant enough to divert seokmins attention from the mess he calls his friends, as distracting as they are. seokmin's eyes follow the pair since they first made themselves visible.

joshua hong, descending down the stairs with another named yoon jeonghan. they're grabbing onto each other as they rush down the steps, whispering with uncontrollable smiles on their faces. the sight reminds seokmin of school girls chasing after their crush. except, jeonghan and joshua are the crushes, and their very own school girls are subtly trailing behind them.

seokmin finds it difficult to tear his gaze away from them as they fix their gaze towards a section of the cafeteria.

"seungkwan," seokmin calls, "rotate."

seungkwan doesn't question him and instantly gets up to let seokmin take his spot. he sees joshua and jeonghan, still focusing on whatever they were looking at, so he copies seokmin, twisting his body to look behind him. 

"do you see it?" seokmin asks, squinting.

seungkwan feels like the fbi.

"see what?" he asks, tone hushed.

seungkwan feels like those men in the movies with the underwater scopes leading out onto the surface from their submarines.

"exactly."

and then, his fantasies are promptly crushed. the mission is a fail. abort! seungkwan squints his eyes further at seokmin, on the verge of punching him square in the jaw while his own hangs open.

but he doesn't, of course. he could not, could _never_ , find it in himself to hurt seokmins pretty face, especially when his eyes are as curious as they are right now. seokmin's adorable when he doesn't try, even more so when he does try.

the pair struggles for a moment, scanning the horizon for anything out of the ordinary. they look at jeonghan and joshua, then back, and then jeonghan and joshua, and then back, over and over again until they match the pair's line of vision and...

bingo.

it is someone they have never seen before! and by god does he look _good_.

"how much do you wanna bet jeonghans gay ass is the one who wants him?" seokmin offers.

seungkwan doesn't even look back at him. "my entire life."

their little observation session is cut short by jihoon nagging at them. he's saying something along the lines of them having two minutes left to walk to class, and they'd be late if they didn't get up now. seokmin isn't entirely too sure. he's groaning and slumping against the table as he whines about math being useless and annoying. a kick to the shin from jihoon sends him jumping from his seat and hauling his bag over his shoulder in under a second.

* * *

"hansol," the teacher sighs.

all the muscles in seokmins body are screeching at him not to turn around. he knows the sight that will grace his eyes. he knows exactly what vernon is doing, and he knows he’s going to burst out laughing if he looks back. it's a war between his muscles and his instincts, a battle which in the end, is won by his instincts.

he looks back.

he fails to stifle a laugh and it comes out as a snort.

"something funny seokmin?"

his smile fades as quickly as it comes. "no sir."

"go wake your buddy up. interactive period starts now."

seokmin instantly kicks himself out of his chair as the class begins to rise in volume. dull murmurs surround seokmin as he walks towards vernon at the back of the class, laugh barely contained within his puffed up cheeks.

"nonie," seokmin nudges, voice shaky, "nonie please, i can't do this. wake up."

seungkwan arrives at the scene. "allow me."

seungkwan leans in to position his face up against vernons ear. he moves his body as if he's dancing and is barely audible to seokmin at that distance, but a smile instantly spreads across vernons face. whatever seungkwan’s doing? it’s working, and before he knows it, vernon’s picking himself up off the table while rubbing his eyes.

"amor pati," seungkwan says, smug. "always works."

vernon wheezes a little. "it would've been fine, but he did it in that stupid voice. i hate it."

"alright clowns," xu minghao says, scooting towards them with his ass glued onto his chair, “trot fest over. we have twenty minutes on a ten question worksheet.

"isn't that five minute work for you?" vernon asks.

minghao simply points at seokmin. seokmin points at himself too. vernon gives a knowing nod, and each of the four occupies a side of the square shaped table. math is one of the rare classes where the second half of the class would be used as an interactive study period for the class. they took this time as an opportunity to converse as minghao and seungkwan multitasked the worksheets and conversations.

"number five is eighteen point nine. also vernons wallet is still at my house." minghao says.

"ah shit...pay for my lunch?" vernon pleads, giving minghao puppy dog eyes and pouting.

minghao grimaced, double chin showing. "fine, just come get your wallet later.”

* * *

joshua feels a little...dirty.

not in the sexual kind of way. in the way that he and jeonghan seem like douches planning to bother the new kid, when their intentions are actually the complete opposite. they’re sitting in a mini lecture hall, lowly whispering to each other as their gaze fixes onto him, like a predator on its prey.

joshua wouldn't have paid the new student much attention had it not been for jeonghan absolutely falling apart at the seams. his _"he's gorgeous shua!"_ and _"i must simply have him!"_ gave joshua a headache (and secondhand embarrassment), so to satisfy his best friend's wishes, they formulated a plan together.

it's simple, really. whenever this class rolls around, there will always be group tasks by the end of it. jeonghan takes advantage of that fact.

"if it's not in groups of three i'll stab myself with a pencil."

"i'd _love_ to see that hannie."

he could not have been serious, although there's no certain way to prove that joshua's predictions are right, because the groupings really did end up being in groups of three. jeonghan literally springs up out of his seat, bounding towards his new point of interest.

joshua looks away.

the rest of the class roams the room too, in search for friends to work with. they're clogging all the walkways, but the crowd parts like the red sea when jeonghan walks by, giving the boy a clear path towards the new student. he hadn't moved from his seat at all, attention drawn solely to the notebook in front of him. he covers the page as much as he can with his own body as he doodles in his notebook. the living pathway stares at the soon to come interaction with furrowed eyebrows and confused murmuring amongst themselves.

joshua wont look. he cant. he doesn't want to know what happens next because jeonghan is a _terrible_ flirt when he tries. he just doesn’t know it because the entire student body is head over heels for his pretty face.

jeonghan taps the boy twice on his shoulder, hands behind his back as he bounces on his heels. wordlessly, the latter flinches and looks behind his shoulder. joshua can practically see the surprise (and fear?) in his eyes.

"hi," jeonghan chirps, "need a group?"

he blinks, lips parting slightly. "uh, i guess so?”

"cool!" jeonghan exclaims, smiling. "my friend joshua and i wanted to invite you to join us."

jeonghan points him to joshuas direction, and he looks back towards where he was sitting. joshua offers him a two fingered salute to which he nods.

he takes a moment, biting his lip. from afar, joshua thinks _this is it, this is where jeonghan experiences his first rejection_ , but it never comes, because the next thing he knows is the kid grabbing his things and getting up. jeonghan looks like a kid who can barely contain their excitement at the sight of candy once he turns around to back him and face joshua.

the other students of their grade looks at the sight in awe. yoon jeonghan approaching a new student to befriend them! what a sight! the newcomer attempts to make himself look small, hanging his head low as he walks through the makeshift human pathway, to no avail. he's much taller than jeonghan, maybe close to joshua, even with his slouched posture. it makes subtleness hard for him to achieve, but joshua thinks its cute how he tries.

"told you it was easy," jeonghan whispers when he reaches his seat next to joshua.

joshua rolls his eyes and ignores jeonghan. he leans in his seat across jeonghan. "so, what's your name?"

"me?"

joshua laughs. "yes, you. i know this dumbass' name."

he seems to crack the slightest bit of a smile at joshuas words, and the thought of jeonghans heart rate picking up that instant enters his mind. "i'm choi seungcheol."

"well, choi seungcheol, i'm joshua hong, and this is yoon jeonghan." joshua introduces. "welcome to senior year. you're gonna hate it here.”

* * *

seokmin shudders, rubbing his hands together violently. seungkwan's always complained about his hands being all sweaty and clammy whenever they'd jokingly hold hands, but now seokmin notices his hands are dryer than the goddamn sahara desert.

the rain pouring from the sky did nothing to help the cold september air. in fact, it's making it worse. seokmins mom's late to pick him up today, so he's waiting outside at the lobby alone since all his friends have left.

he sits on the right side of the lobby, on the row of chairs furthest to the back. he has a full view of the lobby at this angle, allowing him to notice all the plants around the area swaying from the raindrops that collided with them.

"stupid soonyoung," seokmin mumbles, "leaving me here even when he brought his own car. fuck.”

seokmin wraps his arms around himself, seeking warmth and comfort within his own body. he must've looked like an idiot to someone else, because he hears a noise behind him. there's no one else in the lobby in his peripheral vision who could've made that noise.

so who is it?

seokmin turns around.

_jeon wonwoo._

seokmin nearly gets whiplash from how quickly he turns his head back. did he see him? did wonwoo know it was him? fuck, would he even live to see the minute his mom's car rolls in to pick him up?

seokmin doesn't have to look back again to take another look at wonwoo. the latter walks ahead, placing himself on one of the chairs on the other side of the lobby, one row in front of seokmin. he grabs his phone from his pocket to tap on an app, and seokmin knows the loading screen all too well...

wonwoo plays pubg!

seokmin isn't very good at the game, scoring last place amongst his squad members whenever they'd win, but he considers himself good enough to get by. although the angle and distance is a little awkward, seokmin quietly watches wonwoos game from afar, paying attention to the way he plays and the items he keeps. it reminds him of joshuas playing style.

"oh, he's good," seokmin mumbles to himself.

unbeknownst to him, wonwoo hears that. he would've looked around to check who it is, but he decides that whoever it was couldn't possibly be more important than this.

unless they're kim mingyu, of course.

but that's not possible. mingyu's home. wonwoo even has video proof (that he didnt ask for) of mingyu spinning around in his living room as if the short, six second video is part of a grander, bigger vlog. wonwoo smiles at the memory of the video.

the fleeting thought of mingyu is enough to buy seokmin some time to book out of the lobby. he runs back into the school building, straight towards the side entrance.

jesus christ, wonwoo scares the shit out of him.

* * *

seokmin's a family type guy. he likes kids, he likes pets, and the idea of marriage doesn't seem to pose a threat unto him. he knows he wants a family somewhere in the future, to settle down and actually focus on creating a household so full of love. he has a general idea in his mind, but never too detailed, in case things go wrong along the way.

so seokmin likes kids. just not when that kid is fifteen years old, his younger brother, and named lee chan.

"hyung," chan whines, dragging out the vowel as he presses his chin on top of the dining table, "you hung out with junhui today didn't you?"

"he's my friend, channie. when do i not,” seokmin sighs, stuffing his mouth with more rice.

"how is he? did he mention me? we talked for a little bit yesterday over dms and-"

"jihoon's great actually," seokmin interjects, "working hard on his music project. other subjects? questionable, but he's doing alright."

chan lets out an exaggerated groan. "not lee jihoon. he hates me and you know it!"

"oh c'mon, he does not. he's just...y'know…a bit scary."

"that's exactly what i mean." chan leans back in his chair and crosses his arms. "why is he always there? he keeps ruining every attempt i make to befriend junhui."

"he's my friend," seokmin repeats, "eat your food. it'll get cold. it took me an hour to cook that."

chan merely huffs and dives into his food. their parents are out for the day, so seokmin has been graced with the task of cooking dinner for two. while looking at the fridge's contents, he deduces that they have to go out for groceries sometime soon. honey garlic pork belly is the only dish he could make, leaving them with no food left afterwards.

seokmin finishes first, leaving chan at the dinner table to wash his dishes. he'd call joshua after this, for help with a chemistry assignment and for their weekly friday pubg nights.

and also partially because he likes calling joshua.

he reckons he didn't even clean his bowl thoroughly, because not even five minutes since his conversation with chan, he's racing down the hallway, a slight spring in his step for nobody to see. seokmin barely hears chan yell a "have fun on your date!" but yells back a "fuck off!" anyway.

the discord window's already opened up on his laptop when he sits down on his wheeled chair. he clicks on joshua's contact, staring at their chat history and his profile picture and his display name and his status message and his profile picture and their chat history and then, finally, the little green dot that shows he's online.

seokmin presses the call button, and it takes joshua just a fragment of a millisecond to pick up.

_"hello?"_ joshua's voice flows from the speakers.

"hey," seokmin manages, even if his throat feels like the sahara desert.

_“hey. so guess what? i made a new friend today.”_

seokmin isn't sure why his heart drops a little at that. a new friend. the guy he and seungkwan saw earlier today? was he that significant that joshua mentioned him to seokmin? not that he minded, of course. but had joshua been the one to take interest instead of jeonghan as seungkwan and he had theorized? 

_"his name's choi seungcheol. really nice guy. you should meet him."_

seokmin nervously laughs. "hah. you wont even let me near jeonghan."

_"that, sunshine, is because jeonghan is a piece of shit."_

"yeah, well you're not far off." seokmin mumbles, and his mic must not have picked that up because the green circle around his name doesn't light up.

_"is chem alright?”_

"no," seokmin sighs, scratching his head, "what's the n value for phosphorus?"

_"hm. three? find the coefficient of the last shell."_

"right." seokmin clicks his tongue, getting started on the worksheet on his table. "so tell me about this seungcheol guy."

_"well, he's a bit awkward,"_ joshua starts, _"maybe because he's new. dunno. really shy. dude literally gets flustered at everything. i know i don't even know him yet, but he's already worrying me."_

"explain?"

_"he didn't even get up to go look for groupmates in research writing. made himself invisible. then jeonghan came around and you could tell his shoulders were a little less tense. not sure how he manages other classes."_

"poor guy, must be rough," seokmin says, "good thing jeonghan got to him before anyone else did.”

joshua hums in agreement. _"yeah, i wish you were born a year early too."_

seokmin snorts. "you'd hate me. we've been over this."

_"maybe,"_ joshua muses, _"or i'd like you a little too much."_

once again, seokmins hand ceases all movement. _"or i'd like you a little too much"_. what the hell does that mean? what the hell does _"a little too much"_ mean? and what the fuck does joshua mean when he says _"like"_?

_"it's getting late, do you just wanna play a round of pubg so we don't forget?"_

seokmin can't find his voice for a little while. he gawks at the screen wordlessly, thinking of a response, but his mind is clouded with joshua's "like" and joshua's "a little too much" and it's just _joshua joshua joshua and more joshua_.

_"seokmin?"_ joshua calls.

"huh? oh, yeah, sure, lets go."

seokmin swallows the lump in his throat, praying this doesn't deter his scope skills.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys. more people read this fic than i thought would and i'm just...really happy about it all. to the point of happy tears even.
> 
> i didn't expect a number anywhere over 10 despite many of my other works getting thousands of hits so seeing just 53 hits is already making me tear up. especially since this is the first time i'm writing for seventeen and i had no idea what would happen once i posted this. right now, there are only two comments and one bookmark, but the validation that comes from hearing just the tiniest hint of your reactions to this fic is just so overwhelming.
> 
> i've been so scared to post this for ages and it's been sitting in my drafts for the longest time because my confidence in my writing reached rock bottom ever since i stopped writing for wayv. i still had the energy to write but every time i tried to publish anything, my fear got the best of me and it ended up being stowed away in the drafts.
> 
> i got the courage to post this after my friend helped me edit this and beta read it. that was the first time i showed this chapter to anyone, and she'll never read this but i really sobbed my eyes out when she gave me all the support and validation i needed. i finally had the courage to post this, and seeing you guys enjoy this as much as she did gives me happiness unlike any other.
> 
> thank you for giving this a chance. it means the world to me, and i'm really really glad you guys loved it. i hope the following chapters will live up to your expectations!


	2. seokmin is taken on an impromptu double date

seokmin wakes up to the sound of the knocking. it’s quiet for a moment, but then there’s footsteps and low curses, most likely from chan. he hears the front door open. a dull murmur shortly follows, then chan’s yelling “hyung! joshua’s here!”.

seokmin’s feet are warm under his covers, which are pulled up as far as his nose. his fingertips peek out over the top hem of his comforter as he grips the thick material. the ceiling above him is graced by his stare, mind still trying to process the dream he’d just been awakened from. a flash of dark blue, then neon purple crosses his-

joshua’s _what?_

seokmin violently jolts upwards into a sitting position on his bed. it’s still cold, and his nostrils burned a little whenever he inhaled. the cold air makes its way under the blankets, tickling seokmins bare legs. they’re only clothed by a pair of basketball shorts that did absolutely nothing to stop the cold. the clock on the bedside table glares a 9:10AM at him in big, red numbers. seokmin doesn’t even roll his blinds up before grabbing his phone and sprinting towards the bathroom.

“channie! tell him ten minutes!” seokmin yells, then mumbles to himself, “what the fuck. what the actual fuck. i’ll kill him.“

the next few minutes passes by like a blur. seokmin brushes his teeth, splashes water on his face, and grabs a comb for the first time in maybe five years to get rid of his bed hair. he should've taken around ten minutes tops, but seokmin's surprised to see that only half of that had passed when he gets back to his room.

but still, _curse you, joshua hong_. they’d stayed up until two in the morning just yesterday night, playing pubg the entire time. how the fuck is he already awake at nine in the morning? on a _saturday_?

the first thing seokmin does when he sees joshua is sprint towards him with an attempt to punch him in the face.

"fucking- asshole," seokmin grits, "what the hell do you want?"

joshua pries seokmins arms off him. "get dressed. something comfy or casual."

seokmin furrows his eyebrows. “comfy casual? that's rare...a café?"

joshua winks (and seokmin dies a little inside). "bingo."

seokmin's been paying attention. usually, joshuas definition of "comfy or casual" is something along the lines of jeans paired with a nice button up, but seokmin throws on a dark green hoodie just to spite him. don't like it? fine by him. seokmin wants to stay home and sleep anyway.

but seokmins sigh of disappointment when joshua takes a good look at him and says _"perfect"_ isn't even genuine. he sees joshua smile as he practically checks seokmin out and that stupid smile makes seokmin feel more vulnerable than he has ever been in his entire life. he pretends the weight of the world is on his shoulders as he slides into the passengers seat while his heart does somersaults behind the privacy of his chest.

seokmin calls out a quick goodbye to chan as the car begins to move. the slow but gradually increasing force pushes seokmin against the seat. he can feel every inch of the fabric of his hoodie pressing against his back. next to him, the way joshua looks, sitting on the drivers side of the car, hands firmly on the steering wheel, eyes focusing on the road ahead, makes seokmin want to make himself just a little smaller.

"so, here's some background," joshua says, breaking the silence, "somehow, jeonghan managed to convince seungcheol to go out with him last night."

seokmin chokes. "within a week? on a date?!"

"oh no." joshua shakes his head. "seungcheols under the impression that this is just a nice little school-warming hangout. no big deal."

"so why'd you bring me?"

joshua clicks his tongue. "double date."

double... _what?_

seokmin swears he's going to die right then and there. he cant even count the amount of times joshua has made him say _"what?”_ , both internally and externally, in the most incredulous tone. therefore, seokmin can’t count the amount of times he's actually gone through with his shit.

"you just said it wasn't a date?"

"that's what _seungcheol_ thinks."

“okay, well...don't you have other girls to take?"

"i don't like them. i like you."

seokmin doesn't say a word. god forbid he so much as opens his mouth, because whatever's going to come out, there is no way it's going to do him any good.

joshua pulls the car to a stop and looks to his right where the cafe stands. oak wood brown, leafy green, with many windows. joshua attempts to look inside, searching for any sign of jeonghan and seungcheol, but he turns up fruitless. maybe they're further inside.

"any ground rules i need to know?" seokmin asks while unbuckling his seatbelt.

the mechanism clicks. "hm…maybe one. let jeonghan do his thing, and don't interrupt."

seokmin knits his eyebrows. "that's easy?"

joshua shoots him a warning look. "trust me. sometimes, it's not."

seokmins walk through the cafe is different from his walk along the hallways at school. his usually upright posture is now slouching. his eyes dart left and right as if he's afraid of something. seokmin fixes his eyes onto joshuas back, then his upper arm, then his hand.

seokmin fights the urge to hold it.

instead, he grabs the hem of joshuas shirt, making sure not to cling onto him so joshua doesnt feel the slight tension on the collar of his shirt. he scrunches up the fabric in his palm, feeling the way the soft cotton cushions his fingernails from digging into his skin as the pair makes their way past various tables.

much to seokmins relief, they quickly spot jeonghan and seungcheol, sitting on a table for four in the corner. they're on opposite sides, facing each other. seungcheols the one with his back turned towards joshua and him. the seating takes a moment for seokmin to process, and then another to process it's meaning. the next thing seokmin knows is joshua slinging his arm around seokmins shoulders and sauntering over to the table.

"joshie," jeonghan greets, "hi seokmin."

seokmin offers jeonghan a smile as seungcheol motions for them to sit. seokmin goes for the seat next to him, but joshua is closer to that side of the table. joshua claims the seat. seokmin pauses.

seokmin looks at jeonghan, and jeonghan looks back at him. seokmin looks at joshua, and joshua gives him a look. yeah, next to jeonghan it is. for some reason, the idea makes seokmin more nervous than when he was in the car alone with joshua.

but seokmin doesn't fight back and quietly slides into the seat beside jeonghan. their side of the table has a sofa-type chair attached to the wall behind them. there is no barrier between him and jeonghan.

"cheol," jeonghan says, "this is lee seokmin. underclassman. joshuas... _friend_.”

seokmin barely has time to process the way that statement was delivered because seungcheol gives him a little wave, and every other thought is replaced by seokmin _finally_ understanding what joshua means when he said seungcheol was awkward. even a mere wave of his hand is enough to prove the statement.

but seokmin is one to talk, considering his situation.

jeonghan and seungcheol resumes whatever conversation they were having before as joshua passes seokmin the menu. fine cursive letters mark the header while the rest is composed of various pictures and words in thin letters. they had decent prices, much to seokmins surprise. how has he never heard of this cafe before? he makes a mental note to himself to take his friends here one day.

a waiter approaches their table, notepad in hand. joshua orders a cappuccino, followed by a pineapple-infused iced tea from seokmin. she leaves as fast as she came, and joshua and seokmin are left with each other once again. they can barely even hear jeonghan and seungcheol.

"so, how's life?" joshua asks.

seokmin snorts. "is that the only conversation starter you know?"

joshua sticks out his bottom lip and shrugs. "maybe. i do want to know though. how are your friends?"

seokmin says, "jihoon came up with another sample track. junhui got another cat. seungkwan and soonyoung are fine. kinda losing their minds over stuco work."

"stuco work...spicy."

seokmin rolls his eyes. "shut up. it's just an ice breaking activity of sorts."

"care to share?"

"no." seokmin sticks his tongue out. "top secret."

"but you're not even part of stuco!"

"in spirit, i am one with seungkwan and soonyoung."

joshua seems to leave it at that. their orders arrive mere minutes later, and seokmin watches as the foam draws a line on joshuas top lip. he wipes it off with a tissue before seokmin can tease him about it. seokmin sulks, but he isn't entirely sure if it's because his one out of many opportunities to make fun of joshua has escaped, or if it's because his fleeting opportunity to kiss the foam off his lips has escaped.

who is he kidding? like hell he would've done that. in front of two other people, too!

seokmin sighs, shaking his head and hiding a faint blush creeping onto his cheeks. joshua notices, but decides not to say anything.

"we should go to japan together," jeonghan suddenly hums.

"huh?" joshua asks, having not heard jeonghans previous words.

"y'know, you, me, seokmin, seungcheol. it'll be fun!"

"it'll be me getting bullied by three eighteen year olds for days without end,” seokmin grumbles, sipping his iced tea.

"nah, joshua would take good care of you," seungcheol says, and it takes seokmin a while to realize that the statement is coming from him and not jeonghan. seokmin nearly spits his iced tea out. it's only been a week, but seokmin just knows seungcheol would get along _perfectly_ with joshua and jeonghan.

seokmin looks at joshua, who has a devastatingly cute smile on his face. seokmin wants to whine and violently bury his face into his pillow like he does at home whenever joshua sends him a cute sticker over kakaotalk, but they are in public. he has nowhere to run.

so seokmin resorts to kicking joshua under the table.

joshuas face scrunches up in pain when the impact hits him. "ow! what was that for?"

seokmin just smiles at him before redirecting his attention to his iced tea.

* * *

mingyu gasps. this is the 15th time wonwoo's heard that noise today.

the double date seokmin is attending and mingyus pet cafe visit with wonwoo are practically cinematic paralells, both taking place at the same time. the cafe had just opened that very day, and for the past week, mingyu has been rambling about it non stop to wonwoo. today, wonwoo claims victory. no more 25 unread kakaotalk messages about the cafe from mingyu, with only a visit to a cafe as the cost.

"won," mingyu whines, "they're so cute."

mingyu holds a beagle in his hands. the dog nudges its muzzle against mingyus cheeks multiple times before tentatively licking at the humans skin. wonwoo watches as mingyus face scrunches up in happiness and he cant help but notice how much mingyu resembles the very animal he's holding at the moment. the amount of energy the younger has may tire him out sometimes, but if mingyu isn't the closest thing to a best-friend-slash-younger-brother he had, he doesn't know who is.

so wonwoo squats down to join him at the beagles level. "hey baby, what's your name?"

mingyu looks at the tag on its collar. "bella. oh, that's adorable."

wonwoo hums in agreement. he gives the dog a light pat on the head before standing up. he hasn't gotten a chance to properly take in his surroundings since the first thing mingyu did when they came in was to tackle the closest dog, a saint bernard, he saw. wonwoo just awkwardly smiled at the person behind the counter as a gesture of apology on mingyus behalf.

the cafe walls are a shade of pastel yellow with white paw prints trailing on parts of them. wooden shelves line the walls, holding up various decorative material and potted plants and flowers. the place is well lit by yellow tinted lightbulbs. it’s no different from any other pet cafe in the district, but a certain structure in the corner of the room catches his eyes.

_a cat condo. cats. there are_ cats _here._

wonwoo promptly forgets mingyus existence as he makes a bee line straight for the cats. the closer he gets, he notices a siamese cat laying on the second level, and a bengal cat hiding in the shadows of one of the little hideouts. he could pass out. there are actually cats in this cafe! at this rate, he'll be coming here everyday.

"hi," wonwoo almost whispers, holding out a hand for the siamese cat to touch.

the blue eyed cat cautiously gives wonwoos hand a little sniff. slowly, but surely, the soft fur voluntarily comes in contact with wonwoos rougher, dry hand. he pets the cat, massaging its ears as it purrs contentedly.

"whoa, good going. louis let you pet him," a voice comments.

wonwoo turns around, confused. "i-i'm sorry?"

he’s met with a mop of brown hair with prominent blonde highlights. wonwoo takes a good look at the stranger, dressed in a yellow and white polo shirt, black apron tied around his hips. ah, am employee. of course.

the boy motions towards the siamese cat. "his names louis. none of our customers has ever pet him before. guess he likes you."

"huh," wonwoo says, averting his gaze to the floor. "guess he…guess he likes me."

a beat of silence passes.

"well, can i get you and your friend something?"

wonwoo slowly looks up, eyeing the latters name tag. "yangyang", it reads. wonwoo looks up at yangyang, who is now looking at mingyu without a trace of judgement on his face even if his arms are crossed over his front.

"i'll have a cold brew," wonwoo says, "mingyu! what are you getting?"

"huh?" mingyu looks up to find wonwoo. "like...drinks?"

"yeah, or food. whatever."

"hot chocolate." mingyu holds up a thumbs up. "oh! and also a cheesecake!"

"a cheesecake...with hot chocolate?" wonwoo shakes his head. "what the hell.”

"his taste is peculiar indeed," yangyang says. "i'll be out with your orders soon."

"thank you," wonwoo says before the waiter leaves.

wonwoo looks back at the siamese cat, still eyeing him from where he's lying on the condo. he strokes the cats fur one last time before heading back to mingyu and his table. nearby, mingyu is still occupied with 3 pomeranians on his lap.

wonwoo sits down without a word, watching over mingyu with his chin resting on his palm. mingyu looks like he's in heaven, surrounded by a multitude of dogs all climbing on him. he's always happy, but wonwoo's never seen him _this_ happy before. he really does look like he’s in his own personal heaven.

"gyu," wonwoo calls.

mingyu looks at him with a blissed-out look and hums, "hm?"

wonwoo cant help but laugh. "come here. you look like you've just been ran over by, like, a group of flamingoes."

mingyu finally gets up off the floor, making his way towards his own table. he takes the seat directly in front of wonwoo, leaning across the narrow table and taking up almost half its width.

"i want a dog," mingyu pouts.

wonwoo copies. "i want a cat."

"we should just move in together."

"yeah."

"i'll pay rent. but we have to find part time jobs."

"that's fine. anything for the pets."

"yeah. you're right. you're only seventeen though?"

“our landlords don't have to know that."


	3. seokmin is cornered and partially threatened

last night, seungkwan and soonyoung were adamant that they had insanely good news. however. no matter how much any of them begged, they just simply wouldn't give them a hint as to what the good news could be. _"you'll see tomorrow"_ , they said.

and today, shall they see.

seokmin hasn't seen seungkwan all day. wednesdays separates them from the beginning of the day up to lunch, which means around four hours of no seungkwan.

how does one live without boo seungkwan?

time passes by today as if it were a snail wandering aimlessly from plant to plant. seokmin constantly checks every clock in every classroom he's in, but the more he checks, the more it feels like time is in reverse today instead. it takes an awfully long time, but the bell finally rings and class ends. seokmin bolts up from his seat at lightning speed and damn nearly flies himself to the cafeteria.

jihoon is there first, hands clasped and resting on the table in front of him. from afar, seokmin could've thought he was waiting patiently if he didn't know any better. jihoons leg is bouncing up and down rapidly and even from this distance, seokmin can see him chewing on his bottom lip. he's just as impatient and curious as seokmin is.

"hey," seokmin greets, sliding in across him, "have they told you anything?"

"nope." jihoon sighs, "i cornered soonyoung in physics but he wouldn't budge. what a fucker. you?"

"i don't see seungkwan until now on wednesdays."

just then, a voice yells: "guys!". seokmin and jihoon turn their heads towards the source.

kwon soonyoung, the next person to arrive, rounds the corner. he closely resembles a bullet soaring through the airas he runs, full of spirit and smiles. seokmin doesn't know how he didn't run into anyone considering the amount of people crowding the halls.

"oh my god," jihoon groans, hiding his face behind his hands.

"guess what!" soonyoung exclaims when he gets to the table, bouncing on his heels. "wait! don't say anything yet. let's wait until everyone's here."

seokmin opens his mouth to say something, but decides against it. he lets soonyoung take his seat next to jihoon, a proud smile that makes his eyes crescent-shaped still evident on his face. is it really that big of a surprise for both him and seungkwan to prepare a surprise as _frustrating_ as this?

the others take what feels like absolute ages to get there. junhui pops up next within a two minute time frame that feels like an entire year. rationally, seokmin knows that it's only been five minutes into their lunch break and they'll have another fourty minutes to talk, but those next few minutes waiting for seungkwan feel like hours. the anxiety of missing this chance just because seungkwan doesn't show up without a word lingers heavily within seokmin.

thankfully, said boy rounds the corner just as seokmins train of thoughts comes to an end. only six minutes late, according to jihoons count. seokmin still wants to punch him.

"sorry i'm late," seungkwan apologizes, slipping in between junhui and jihoon. "so, announcement."

"right," soonyoung grins, "so turns out, we _didn't_ get murdered by madam president for pitching a pubg tournament."

at first, crickets. it takes a moment, but junhui speaks up first. "wait...guys?"

junhui seems to have connected the dots, judging by his words, or he's really far off, judging by his facial expressions.

"that's right! pubg tournament...in two weeks!" seungkwan introduces dramatically.

the entire table shoots up from their sitting position to reach across the table for hugs. they erupt into screams, half shrill (seokmin and soonyoung) and half on the deeper side (everyone else), attracting the eyes of many tables around them. seokmin swears the table beside them glares again, but just like he did two weeks ago, he pays them no mind.

after the celebration dies down, seungkwan elaborates, "erangel squads. if you win, theres a prize of twenty thousand won."

"for each person?"

"god no, stupid." soonyoung smacks seokmins head. "you want student council to go broke?"

seokmin sulks, crossing his arms and pouting. jihoon takes one look at him and looks the other way, using his hand to shield his eyes from the other.

"by the way, we kind of...told them you'd definitely be joining," soonyoung mumbles.

"what? dude, why?!" seokmin says.

"how do you think we sold your idea?" seungkwan asks, "this genius here sold you first."

seokmin mirrors jihoon, turning away from soonyoung. _how could he?_ seokmin is nowhere near as good as, say, players like jeon wonwoo, who probably set the standard of the entire school by now. seokmin's just a gold rank. there's no way he's joining that competition and coming out without having made a fool out of himself at least once.

"ah it'll be alright," junhui says, "aren't joshua and jeonghan crown ranks?"

"jeonghan still has a life. he's diamond," seokmin huffs, "joshua's the insane one."

a crown rank. sometimes, seokmin can still hear the sound of joshua's repeated screams when he successfully detonates a frag grenade on someone. seokmin winces physically. joshua may have an addiction problem, but seokmin knows the older would never consider that for a single second.

"wait, but squads are four people aren't they?" jihoon points out.

seokmin groans, forehead pressing on his palms as his fingers grip his hair. seokmin, joshua, jeonghan, _and who?_ minghao doesn't play video games. vernon would be too lazy or he'd be spending time with his family. what about seungcheol? no, jeonghan or joshua would've asked him already and joshua would've invited him to play with him and jeonghan already.

seokmin racks his brain for anybody he knows who plays the game. he wishes it doesn't, but his mind keeps wandering off to when he saw wonwoo play the game just a few weeks ago.

"no," seokmin mutters, "no no no no, fuck no. not _him_."

"who?" seungkwan asks.

"jeon wonwoo," seokmin wails, a little too loudly, "he's good. he's _so so_ _good_ , but if friendly fire were activated, he would've beaten me to death within the first three seconds."

then, entire table bursts into laughter. their volume rings throughout the entire cafeteria, bouncing off the pillars and walls scattered throughout the open area. three seconds in! wonwoo wouldn't have even had a chance to get a gun! the mental image of wonwoo absolutely beating the shit out of seokmin with nothing but his bare fists for no reason was enough of a reason for their stomach muscles to cramp up from excessive laughter.

seokmin doesn't notice because he's too busy laughing and hitting his friends, but wonwoo is walking by at the distance of only a few tables when seokmin practically wails his name. his head perks up from the book he was reading, and he locks his line of vision onto seokmins figure curled up on the table.

wonwoo's a little disappointed. he secretly wishes it were someone else. actually, no. it's lee seokmin. any sane person would wish it was _anyone_ else other than lee seokmin when it comes to someone wailing your name in public. the sheer secondhand embarassment sends wonwoo hurriedly leaving the cafeteria, face hidden behind his book.

despite not paying them any attention since their conversation started, they're loud enough for wonwoo to hear the context of the exchange and commit it to memory. he connects the dots, and he has an idea. a brilliant one. foolproof.

afterschool, he'll strike.

* * *

seokmin is walking the empty halls, softly humming along to the song playing over his headphones. his footsteps seem light on the ceramic floor, possibly because he can't hear himself. seokmin doesn't pay attention to where he's going, letting muscle memory take over his legs on his journey to the lobby as his thoughts take over his mind.

he's roughly snapped out of his trance when a rough hand grabs his arm and pushes him up against the row of lockers. the loud bang should've been enough to prompt several teachers to check on the noise, but no one comes.

"what the fu- oh _shit_ ," seokmin curses, hands flying to rip his earphones out when he realizes that it's _jeon_ _motherfucking wonwoo_.

wonwoos expression is unreadable. his gaze is cold, and his lips show no hint of a smile nor a frown. his eyebrows aren't furrowing in anger or confusion either. seokmin nearly makes a noise from how close wonwoos face is from his own, and also from the strong grip still on his upper right arm.

his mind runs wild, but it's also blank at the same time. what the hell could he have done to bring forth this side of wonwoo on him?

as if the other could read minds, he starts,"you said my name today." his voice is surprisingly soft, but it's still laced with threat, "what is it, lee seokmin? what do you want?"

seokmin squints, hissing at himself in regret. _ah fuck, he's done it now_. he looks to his left, then his right, praying one of his friends is coming around the corner so they could save him, but who was he kidding? it's well past school hours, and even if they had been there, would any of them have the guts to stand up against wonwoo?

"i-it's nothing," seokmin replies, offering an awkward grin, "just y'know, a passing thought."

wonwoo leans in closer. seokmins head hits the lockers. " _liar._ tell me the truth."

"fuck, okay! okay," seokmin exclaims, putting his left hand in the air in defeat. wonwoos releases his grip on him and steps away, letting seokmin adjust himself before he explains.

seokmin sighs, "i'm not even supposed to spread this anymore than i already have before tomorrow, but there's a pubg tournament. my friends and i are joining, and we were missing one player."

wonwoo raises an eyebrow. "you know i play?"

"y...no? yes? i mean, i assumed you would since its a popular game and everything but its not like i stalk you or anything! i really just-"

wonwoo stops his rambling just by barely taking a step forward. seokmin throws himself back against the lockers, making another loud bang. "ah! please don't hurt me. i swear i don't stalk you or anything!"

"shut up," wonwoo growls, irritated.

a deafening silence settles between them. seokmin wills himself to open his eyes and is met with wonwoo staring at him, seemingly deep in thought. what's he thinking of? ways to finish seokmin? that's the most plausible theory right now.

seokmin's completely frozen as wonwoo takes his sweet, sweet time deciding his next move. from the strength of the grip on his jacket, seokmin thinks the sight of compressed, creased wool on him would greet him once wonwoo leaves.

oh, wonwoo...tall, brooding, and intimidating ice prince wonwoo. and seokmin is about to breathe his last breath in his arms.

"okay, i'll join your squad."

_pause. he'll what?_

"huh?" seokmin says aloud, dumbfounded.

"i'll join you and your friends in the tournament," wonwoo repeats, "under one condition."

for the love of god, seokmin prays it's nothing humiliating. jeon wonwoo posesses the very power to destroy his reputation even further than how tainted it already is. initially, he's positive wonwoos request isn't anything he's never seen before, nothing that would worsen his image and make it worse than it is now, but truth be told, absolutely _nothing_ could've prepared him for what comes out of wonwoos mouth next.

"i want you to introduce me to xu minghao."

* * *

yesterday didnt happen. nope. not at all. seokmin's never gotten thrown against a locker wall by the infamous jeon wonwoo while the latter made him cry out in fear multiple times. seokmin carries on with his day as he normally does, and this whole fake-anmesia thing would've worked if it wasn't for wonwoo actually _coming up to talk to him in the halls._

"we need to talk," he says.

seokmins mouth goes dry. a simple "yeah" is all he manages to croak out before wonwoo grabs his wrist and drags him into an empty classroom. he prays no one sees them slipping away from the crowd.

once the door shuts behind him, wonwoo sighs. "i'd be lying if i said i didn't regret what i told you yesterday."

"...oh."

wonwoo looks up at him. "i assume you've told your friends by now."

"actually...i didn't."

wonwoo looks pleasantly surprised. "you...didn't?"

seokmin shakes his head. "i know you're terrifying and everything, but it's really not my secret to tell. i respect that."

for a split second, seokmin swears he sees the tiniest hint of a smile playing on wonwoos lips. his gaze softens just the slightest bit, and his shoulders relax.

"were you serious though?"

"which part?"

"well...both, i guess."

"yeah," wonwoo says, "i do wanna join you guys. and yeah, i like xu minghao."

"how long?"

wonwoo doesn't answer for what seems like ages although they maintain eye contact. seokmin attempts to urge an answer out of wonwoo through his gaze, but wonwoo doesn't budge, as if terrified, or even embarassed of the answer.

"three years," he quietly admits.

seokmin snorts, "wow."

panic instantly settles in his chest. he just snorted. he _snorted_ at _jeon_ _wonwoo_ out of all people. did he have a death wish? in the midst of seokmins internal panic, wonwoo catches the flash of fear in his eyes. his heart aches just a little bit.

so he laughs instead.

it's not loud. it's not emotional. just a little huff and a toothy smile on his face to let seokmin know he didn't have to be so scared anymore. after all, they're friends now, right?

seokmin’s mind goes blank, but the panic subsides as soon as it came. wonwoo _laughed_ at him. he's never even seen wonwoo laugh before. his chest feels as if he's soaring, he made wonwoo laugh without even trying!

"i couldn't muster up the courage to talk to him," wonwoo continues, "its rich coming from me but...he's like, _really_ intimidating."

"pshh, minghao? intimidating? you've gotta meet lee jihoon."

"oh i have," wonwoo says, "and he's _something_."

before they know it, seokmin and wonwoo are pulling the blinds on the windows to shield the sight of them from the hallway outside and there's no longer any tension in the air. just two highschool students, talking in an empty class while they avoid roaming teachers in the hallways together. wonwoo opens a pack of chocolate coated biscits he bought today at lunch, and the pair shares the snack while they sit on the cold floor in the small space between two desks.

seokmin used to tense up whenever wonwoo was near, but now they're sitting side by side with their knees slightly touching and seokmin feels nothing but warmth.


	4. seokmin is given incredible wingmanship skills, but it produces no discernible impact when applied to being his own wingman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GOD GUYS IM SO SORRY i just realized i posted chapter 3 in place of chapter 2 :((( ive fixed the mistake so technically the new update is chap 2 instead of this one!!

seokmin has never felt unbelievable pressure before while playing pubg.

"han, need an eight times?"

in-game, in the top right corner of his screen, seokmin sees wonwoo toss jeonghan the scope. seokmin cant believe what he's gotten himself into. playing dozens of matches with players who are literally _three_ entire ranks above himself. it's a miracle they even made it as far as the top sixty out of a hundred players in this rank with seokmin on their team, so god forbid they lose anytime soon.

“ah,” joshua grunts, gunshots sounding from his end of the call.

seokmin moves his character to look in the direction of where joshua is. he spots just the tiniest black speck of a player in the distance, tall grass partially concealing them. seokmin taps on the scope option, aiming his crosshair at what little surface area he had his eyes on.

seokmin shoots once. he sees red. he keeps going. he taps the shoot button over and over again until a flurry of dark green smoke replaces the red mist around the player. a message pops up on the bottom of seokmins screen saying _“you killed fdg2ry“_ in thin orange letters.

"nice," wonwoo compliments. the call is set to voice only but seokmin can practically hear wonwoos grin when he says that.

when the round ends, joshua and jeonghan begins a conversation for all of them to participate in. wonwoo's always just quiet, but he comments on little things here and there. seokmin is talking to jeonghan about pen brands when he gets a direct message notification from wonwoo.

**[8:49PM]**

**jeonww:** can we talk?

it’s the second time wonwoo’s wanted to speak with him in private, but those words will never cease to make seokmins palms sweat. no matter who it comes from, actually.

**[8:50PM]**

**seokseokminmin:** sure ^__^ give me a moment!!

seokmin says something along the lines of homework, to which wonwoo instantly joins with an excuse to want to read something. highly suspicious, but joshua and jeonghan thinks nothing of it, continuing their conversation after bidding the two farewell. seokmin moves to his private messages with wonwoo once he clicks on the disconnect button.

for some reason, seokmin doesn’t press "call" even as it taunts him on the toolbar. he’s seen the two surface sides of wonwoo — cold and warm — but he still can't manage to take initiative about anything in their week old friendship.

so seokmin waits until he jolts out of surprise from the discord ringtone. the little square window that pops up displays wonwoos profile picture and display name. the green “join call” button flashes before his eyes, and he clicks on it with a deep breath.

“hi,” wonwoo says the second seokmin picks up.

“you asked to see me?”

wonwoo snorts. “shut up shakespeare.”

seokmin laughs, "so what's up?"

wonwoos voice goes quiet. "uh. just, y'know," and then he trails off. seokmin has a smug smile on his face. he knows what wonwoo wants to talk about, but he also knows the fact that he's too shy to actually talk about it. where did the nerves from before went?

"minghao?" seokmin finishes for him, just because he feels bad.

“uh…yeah. how are you gonna...?"

"simple," seokmin hums, we could play pubg after school, maybe catch him on wednesdays since he has art club then. i'll introduce you guys then."

"why do we have to play?"

"to make it look natural, stupid."

seokmin can practically picture it already. the four o’clock sun radiating in the sky, the cool air, the lobby chair's backrest pressing against his shoulder blades, phone light in his hands, wonwoo sitting backwards on the chair in front of him.

then minghao would come through the doors, with his uniform messy and untucked (even if it had been neat when he came to school in the morning) and his bag hanging over his right shoulder. seokmin would cooly greet him, then minghao would come to sit next to seokmin and peek at the current game. after they'd win, wonwoo would look up and get all flustered, maybe even blush a little as seokmin officially introduces the two of them.

"dude, did you die?"

seokmin almost falls off his chair from how much he's leaned back during his little daydreaming (night dreaming?) session.

"what? oh, no, i'm here," seokmin says, sitting properly on his chair, "what were you saying?"

wonwoo grunts something, but seokmin barely catches it anyway, "just thought i'd tell you that i'm not a fan of surprises, so please tell me beforehand?"

“oh, of course," seokmin replies.

when the day comes, seokmin does fulfil wonwoos wishes of alerting him beforehand. the entire situation initially goes according to seokmins predictions. the weather’s nice, wonwoo sits exactly how and where he does in seokmins vision, but only one thing differs. one thing he forgot to consider when he made up the initial scenario.

minghao would notice wonwoo there.

also, the game ends way too early.

minghao walks out the front doors just as seokmin was screeching "wonwoo! wonwoo! that's the motherfucker! save me! wonwoo!" to which wonwoo responds with a rough "lee seokmin...". minghao briefly contemplates going back in and exiting through the side doors, but he can't, because one second he was watching seokmin crawling on the ground both in the game and in real life, and the next second, jeon wonwoos eyes are on him.

and minghao’s paralyzed.

minghaos blood runs cold and he swears his head spins as if a tornado had formed inside him for a split second. the feeling passes as soon as it comes. minghao maintains eye contact with wonwoo, as much as he wanted to look at seokmin for...what? help? an explanation? both?

"h-hi," wonwoo suddenly says, soft tone still breaking through seokmins wailing.

_hi?_

seokmin looks up from his position on the floor, meeting minghaos weirded gaze. of course. high expectations will only fail you. now it's failed seokmin too. despite the situation, minghao offers wonwoo a little wave,

"hao," seokmin smiles, dusting himself off and getting up as if nothing was wrong. "care to join us?"

"sure..." minghao says, a bit uneasily as he slides onto the seat next to seokmin.

to minghao, everything would've been relatively normal if it weren't for two things; jeon wonwoo and lee seokmin within a five meter radius from each other without seokmin screaming and wonwoo never once glaring at him, or so much as looking at him! minghao's mind is about to implode on itself.

"so minghao, i think you know wonwoo," seokmin says, pocketing his phone. "my new friend."

and then finally, _finally_ , wonwoo looks up at him at this new distance. minghao looks directly into his eyes, and he should be intimidated, but this time, it's wonwoo who's intimidated. he's vulnerable for the first time in a long time, and minghao looks into his eyes as if the boy can see _him_ , all of him, right through him. the grip wonwoo has on the plastic backrest of the chair is almost strong enough to snap it in half.

"i didn't know you two were friends," minghao finally says, breaking the silence and his eye contact. wonwoo sighs in relief. "pubg tournament huh? did soonyoung sell you out?"

of course. kwon soonyoung. even just by hearing his name, wonwoo could hear the boy's voice booming across several floors. he masks a groan with a cough.

"oh, you know soonyoung?" wonwoo asks, even if he _clearly_ knows the answer. he just wants to talk to minghao directly and not through seokmin.

"mhm, also jihoon and junhui too," minghao adds, "although i don't hang out with them much."

"oh," wonwoo replies, "so who do you hang out with? i don't see you out and about often."

_another lie._ the only reason wonwoo even leaves class for breaktime and lunch — other than mingyu practically dragging him — is to catch at least a glance of minghao with vernon in the hallways.

"hm, vernon? you know him?"

"i've heard of him." wonwoo's playing it safe.

seokmin wants to snort. he also wants to say wonwoo's a terrible liar, but then it'll be ironic, considering the fact that he himself was lying at the same time. wonwoo is a wonderful liar-slash-actor. seokmin isn't sure if that's generally true, or if that's because the brainpower he and minghao has when combined is still below the whole value of one.

seokmin lets wonwoo and minghao carry out their small talk session as he checks his phone. an unsurprising four hundred and ninety four messages from his group chat with soonyoung and seungkwan. another fifty from the lunch table (plus minghao and vernon) group. and finally, five from joshua.

it's not hard to guess which one he opens first. not seungkwan and soonyoung. that'd take ages. he'd never get home at that rate. not his friends; it's probably just seungkwan sending pictures and jihoon responding. so joshua it is.

**[11:33AM]**

**shua <3:** _[Picture attached.]_ i still have my phone :| do you think ill get caught?

the first picture can barely be called a selca. the top half of joshuas face is at the bottom of the frame, and to add to that, his hand is holding his thumb out, covering half of what little was visible. seokmin can tell that was taken in the cafeteria. natural lighting, a fan overhead. no question.

**[01:45PM]**

shua <3: i shit you not physics is so scary

**[2:58PM]**

**shua <3:** _[Picture attached.]_ LMAOOOO GUESS WHO GOT CAUGHT IN PHYSICS AND JUST GOT THEIR PHONE FROM THE PRINCIPAL

**[2:58PM]**

**shua <3:** its me. jeonghan too. but seungcheol didn't get caught???? how tf

the second picture is...blurry, if anything. joshua's doing another thumbs up, but this time without his face, probably walking as he took the picture, hence the blur. seokmin recognizes the dark brown paneling of the floor, and figures it must be the hallway for the teachers office. in the top right corner, seokmin spots two pairs of legs, walking so closely to each other that seokmin would've thought that's an extremely wide person with an extra set of legs. no. that's seungcheol and jeonghan. the giveaway? the tip of seungcheols untucked uniform was visible, and jeonghans right hand was in his pocket, as always.

**[3:38PM]**

**shua <3:** seokkieeeeeeeee are you playing pubg??? with wonwoooo? without meeeeeeee?????? go home firstttt :[

then seokmin reads the last message, and he feels his face heat up. he instantly looks away from minghao and wonwoo, who are, somehow, still talking. hands in his face, concealing him from the rest of the world, he feels safe enough to let a smile spread across his face. fucking joshua hong and his stupid clingy messages.

minghao and wonwoo's conversation never presents seokmin with an opportunity for him to join in, but if anything, seokmins glad. taking only this interaction into account, wonwoo and minghao were a great match so far, and now, he can peacefully reply to joshuas messages.

**[3:49PM]**

**me:** god youre an idiot T__T

**[3:49PM]**

**me:** maybe actually turn it in during homeroom?? itd suck to not be able to text you for a day </3

**[3:49PM]**

**me:** also yea, i was playing with him, but im gnna head home now ^__^

joshua comes online and reads almost immediately. seokmin panics. as much as he likes talking to him, seokmin exits the app and turns off his phone. if he replies now, it'd be another 4 hours before seokmin makes it anywhere near his house. "alright guys, i'm gonna head home. i've got a bunch of homework to do."

"cool," wonwoo says, "see you."

seokmin looks at minghao, who just gives him a little wave. seokmin's leaving. minghao is being left alone with wonwoo. minghao's...comfortable with that? had they really gotten along within five minutes of meeting each other?

"you don't wanna come along, hao?" seokmin tries.

"nah, i still wanna ask wonwoo about physics," minghao says, and seokmin isn't entirely sure why he buys it, because he should've known that the second he was outside hearing distance, minghao pulls wonwoo by the back of his neck towards him roughly, wonwoos nose just barely grazing the soft skin of minghaos cheeks.

"did seokmin drug you?" minghao asks.

_what?_

the question barely even registers in wonwoos mind for the first fifteen seconds. all the older can think of is minghaos breath fanning his face and minghaos eyes staring into his and minghaos hand gripping the back of his neck and the tip of minghaos nose just centimeters, no, _millimeters_ away from his own. wonwoo can't stop his own breath from growing ragged as his eyes dart around wildly, looking at minghaos eyes, then his nose, then his lips, and- _oh._

kissing range.

"wonwoo," minghao says firmly, yet somehow still softly all at the same time. the way his name falls off his lips is _heavenly_ , and wonwoo barely has the time to realize that he's almost literally whining out loud at it.

"n-no," wonwoo shakily breaths out, closing his eyes.

"no? you guys are genuinely friends now?" minghao scoffs out a laugh and lets wonwoo go. "never thought he had it in him."

"huh?" wonwoo says, "what...what do you mean?"

minghao shakes his head. "nevermind. so, how do you like your two other teammates?"

it blows wonwoos mind how minghao switches demeanors so quickly.

* * *

does seokmin ever think? it's a question often asked by many, and when seokmin says many, he means seungkwan and soonyoung, during a variety of moments throughout his academic lifetime.

but the answer is yes, seokmin does think, most oftenly while he's walking home on the days where his mom is working overtime at the hospital. the sun's dipping halfway through the horizon as it lets its warm glow hit seokmin's tanned skin. in this light, it looks like he's glowing.

seokmin turns the corner. joshua invades his mind, and he doesn't even know why. seokmin groans out loud at the memory of joshuas (borderline maniacal) laugh when seokmin ran someone over with a car in-game last night. they'd done it so many times, but it was that one particular moment that joshua decided was the pinnacle of humour. that one moment that joshua decided to grace, and also pierce, seokmins ears with his laugh.

seokmin acknowledges the fact that joshua makes him feel all weird inside. whenever he sees a text from him, whenever he's calling him, whenever seokmin ever so much as _sees_ him from sixteen miles away. logically, seokmin knows he has feelings, but also logically, seokmin knows that if he decides to talk about it with seungkwan or soonyoung, it'd just become more real to him. so, also logically, finally, he never really gives it much thought.

but seokmin also wonders if feelings grew more intense when unattended to.


	5. seokmin is burdened by one new, good, and concerned friend

the first time seokmin introduces wonwoo to the rest of the group, kim mingyu tags along. prior to that, he's never met the other before, despite being in the same grade. seokmin knows mingyu's popular and well liked, but he's never really paid much attention to anyone outside of his friend group.

which is surprising, considering mingyu's volume when wonwoo introduces him to seokmin. seokmin wonders _how the hell_ he’s never noticed mingyu before.

"wonwoo!" mingyu screams, voice echoing down the hall. almost the entire hallway turns their heads towards the boy running with his arms spread wide. he looks like a golden retriever dog with his big smile and seemingly endless energy. he's tall, too. maybe too tall for a seventeen year old. seokmin thinks if he doesn't move within the next three seconds, he's going to get pummeled to the ground by a human puppy.

except he doesn't. it's wonwoo who does.

mingyu throws his arms around wonwoo and tackles him to the ground, blabbering on about how much he misses him and what kind of things he's been up to the whole day. wonwoo sits upright on the floor, an entire human being draped around him like a scarf, but he's smiling like it doesn't bother him. his hands even lightly grip mingyus shoulders, keeping him close.

although mingyu is still rambling, wonwoo says while patting mingyus arm, "gyu, hey, look. i want you to meet someone."

mingyu stops talking and detaches himself from wonwoo, then looks up at seokmin, eyes all big and innocent. seokmin really thinks this boy is either a furry, or genuinely a dog in the body of a person.

"ah, lee seokmin," mingyu says, "we've never properly met! hi."

nothing could've prepared seokmin for the sheer height of kim mingyu. he's thought of himself as pretty tall throughout his life. he is taller than seungkwan, minghao, and standing next to jihoon makes him feel like a giant, but today, seokmin finally realizes how jihoon feels whenever he stands next to seokmin.

once mingyu stands at his full height, seokmin feels like a goddamn garden gnome.

despite being almost an entire head taller than him, seokmin doesn't find himself instinctively moving away like he did with wonwoo. mingyu's shaped like a friend. a really huge one. seokmin takes the hand mingyu's stuck out.

"it's nice to see wonwoo making new friends," mingyu smiles until the corners of his eyes curl up, "i hope he’s treating you well."

and that's it. no _"how did you guys meet?"_ or _"how long have you been friends?"_. mingyu just wishes seokmin and wonwoos friendship the best. there's no jealousy in his words, jealousy coming from his best friend being taken away from him. seokmin catches a glance of wonwoo looking at mingyu with a soft smile, his eyes holding a whole galaxy in them as he looks at mingyu. there's nothing more than appreciation and love in his gaze, and right then and there, seokmin realizes that wonwoo's never actually been alone despite not having many friends. mingyu's loved him since the beginning, and wonwoo loves him too.

seokmin thinks, this is what true platonic love is.

* * *

minghao's spontaneous. whether it be gifts, or snide comments, or even compliments. no one knows what's going to come out of minghao next.

that same status applies to minghao in the group call one blessed night.

_"guys. i like jeon wonwoo."_

seokmin swears he faints for a good few seconds because he has no idea how the call went from literal crickets to six people all talking at once. still in a state of shock, seokmin eyes the six green rings around each of his friends' profile pictures, never disappearing for more than a second. he can hear seungkwan yelling louder than anyone else, but he's only properly listening to vernon, whose words and tone differ from everyone else. the call is a mess, and seokmin's negative that he'd be of any assistance trying to patch it back up together.

_"okay, okay. one by one. seungkwan?"_

_"since when?"_

_"yesterday afternoon. jihoon?"_

_"why? he's a little bitch!"_

_"first of all, no. second of all, he's sweet. junhui?"_

_"seungkwan took my question."_

_"okay. vernon?"_

_"does this mean you're leaving me?"_

it's not a physical conversation, but seokmin closes his eyes. vernon's pouting. even behind the screen. there's no questioning that. his pronunciation has a slightly whinier tone to it, and if this conversation had took place in real life, vernon would be exaggeratedly pouting for the rest to see.

_"no, stupid. you're my best friend and i'm never leaving you. soonyoung?"_

_"are you going to confess?"_

_"exactly what i was gonna ask you guys, but hold. seokmin?"_

"what made you realize?"

once again, the call is crickets. a sinking feeling whirls in seokmins chest. was that the wrong thing to ask?

_“four am feels like two pm when i'm with him."_

the majority groans at the cheesy response, but minghao pretends as if he can't hear them, and their conversation continues. however, seokmin's stuck in his own mind. he should be happy for both minghao and wonwoo, shouldn't he? so why isn't he feeling any sort of satisfaction?

it's easy to fake excitement and curiosity when it's behind a screen. seokmin's volume rises with every new detail minghao reveals about his confession plan, but seokmin can only think of one thing. once wonwoo gets what he's really here for, — which, in this case, is minghao — what would happen to their friendship? is wonwoo just going to toss him aside? after almost a full month of friendship and game nights? not that it would shock him anyway. seokmin doesn't even call wonwoo as much as he used to, back before wonwoo befriended minghao.

it's harder to fake excitement and curiosity when something's practically eating up at you from the inside. seokmin instantly mutes himself, deciding that he could just use his mom coming in as an excuse. he feels so _used_ , but more specifically, he feels so stupid for letting himself get that attached to wonwoo. it'd been years since he made a new friend, seungcheol excluded. wonwoo was like a fresh taste of something new, only to leave as soon as seokmin's gotten used to the others' company.

suddenly, seokmin unmutes himself, "guys, it's getting late. i'm gonna go to bed."

"it's only nine thirty though?" seungkwan asks.

"i need my beauty sleep, kwan," seokmin says, "okay, ciao. bye guys."

seokmin doesn't wait for the others' responses before he hangs up. he stares blankly at the screen for a while, mind everywhere but also nowhere at the same time. just then, a message from soonyoung pops up, sent to their groupchat with seungkwan.

**[9:27PM]**

**furrylover69:** you okay seok?

**(9:27PM]**

**furrylover69:** you sounded a little...off.

seokmin purses his lips. what can he say? it's not everyday that he gets this sad over someone as simple as a friend. why does wonwoo matter this much to him anyway?

seokmin briefly considers telling them the truth, but it'll just raise more questions than answers, so seokmin lies instead.

**[9:27PM]**

**seokseokminmin:** its okkkk just tired ^__^

**[9:28PM]**

**mr boo** : cmon man its us :| we know youre lying

**[9:28PM]**

**mr boo:** but thats okay. go get some rest first and tell us when ure ready (*¯︶¯*)

**[9:28PM]**

**furrylover69:** yeah!! go get some rest!! love u seok <3

seokmin lets put a half hearted laugh, then he feels the tears coming. his vision is blurred as he types out a quick "love you too <3" message as a response. he quits the discord app on his laptop, puts his phone away, and only then do the tears come flowing freely.

seokmin thinks _it's just wonwoo, there's no way he's going to even cry that much_ , but the tears just keep coming and coming and soon, seokmins sleeve is soaked in tears. everything hurt. seokmin cant even tell why but every single part of him hurt and he doesn't know how to stop it. he can feel each new wave of tears wash over him the more he sits at his table, soundlessly crying. jeon wonwoo scares him, humours him, and also hurts him all at the same time. a friend? a best friend? a crush?

seokmin groans out loud. no, not a crush. wonwoo feels nothing like joshua. seokmin knows his relationship with wonwoo is nothing but platonic, and the feeling is clearly mutual on wonwoos side. now, though, seokmin starts to question that very statement. did he mean as much to wonwoo as wonwoo does to him?

* * *

minghao sits with his legs slightly spread on the park bench, left arm pulled back and resting on top of the backrest. wonwoo sits on his right, legs pulled up and crossed on the bench. wonwoo had initially taken minghao out for a short ice cream "date", but things took a turn when they passed by the entrance to a dog park. minghao practically begged wonwoo to just take a quick look around.

and who was wonwoo to say no to that?

"ah, i'm spent," minghao sighs. he moves to rest his head on wonwoos shoulder, and the other freezes.

wonwoos as stiff as a statue. the fear of minghao getting up and never resting his head on his shoulder again builds up rapidly in his throat, so wonwoo tries to stay as still as possible. to keep minghao around.

"thanks for spending time with me," minghao mumbles.

"of course. i like having you around," wonwoo breathes out.

_false. that isn't the only reason._

minghao hums. he seems to bury himself futher into the crook of wonwoos neck, and wonwoo can feel his hair tickling neck. wonwoo nearly shivers. "it's a shame we'll have to go home after this."

"yeah, wish you could stay," wonwoo says.

and then, with the courage of a thousand army men, he rests his head upon minghaos.

"i can, in your heart," minghao coos, only half joking.

minghao doesn't have to know that wonwoos heart skips a beat when he makes that statement.

his mouth works faster than his brain does. in a flurry of confusing emotions, wonwoo says: “i need to tell you something, hao.”

wonwoo's world goes so quiet he could hear a pin drop from a mile away.

the words have been said, and there’s no taking them back now. his head is void of any thoughts, like a tv screen with no signal. he cant just sit there and stay silent after what he just said. who the hell does he think he is?

minghao snaps him out of his mild panic. “i already know.”

_ah, but does he really?_

at this angle, wonwoo cant look at minghaos expression. he doesn't know if the other is just as nervous as him, or if he's disgusted, or if he's taking this in a more lighthearted manner. whatever minghao is feeling, only one thought lingers in wonwoos mind. is this where he experiences his first rejection from his first real crush?

"i've always thought the courting process was much more fun than the actual relationship itself," minghao states, "i've been in relationships that lasted shorter than the whole pining period, so i think that says something."

was that...a rejection?

as if minghao could hear his thoughts, the younger continues, "i like you. a lot, wonwoo. i'm just not sure if i want to take the risk of losing you if we decide to actually date."

"then we don't have to," wonwoo blurts out, "i mean...i don't mind us not having an official status. i just really want to spend as much time as i can with you."

"yeah," minghao says, "you're going away to college next year. maybe that'll lessen the burden of what we can't avoid."

_like hell it will_ , wonwoo thinks. it'll hurt just as much, or even more, knowing that they'd have to separate, fully aware of each others feelings, but never really indulging in them. wonwoo agrees that there's some truth to what minghao said about solidifying a relationship.

"so what do you say, wonwoo? will this be enough for you?" minghao asks.

"more than enough," wonwoo breathes out, closing his eyes.

so status-less, they go. a relationship without a label. a relationship without commitment. a relationship where they both trust each other enough to make sure not to break each others hearts in case one or the other ends up falling for someone new. this is the outcome wonwoo's partially dreaded, but it wasn't the worst case scenario. wonwoo thanks fate for at least that much.

* * *

the day right after wonwoo and minghao’s unplanned date, seokmin sees the two under the stairwell. he doesn’t linger long enough to figure out what they’re doing, or for them to notice him there. when he walks away, his steps are as heavy as the heart in his chest, but seokmin cant even figure out why. he has no feelings for wonwoo, nor for minghao, so why does the sight of them together make his heart ache so bad? why couldn’t he be as happy for minghao as the rest of his friends were?

“seokmin,” someone says.

it takes a moment for seokmin to realize he’s walked through the school garden, way past the stairs leading to where his current class is. he looks up, and kim mingyu is there, eyes tired and puffy.

kim mingyu, as seokmin’s been noticing, is always happy, full of energy.

the kim mingyu before him right now is not the kim mingyu the rest of the public is accustomed to.

“mingyu,” seokmin says, “are you okay?”

mingyu shakes his head. “we need to talk.”

logically, it shouldn’t be anything bad. mingyu and seokmin are only acquaintances with a mutual friend. they greet each other in the hallways whenever they cross paths with a little wave, and occasionally, mingyu might even come up to him to ask him if he has books for a certain class with him right then because he’d forgotten his. seokmin doesn’t have mingyus number, and mingyu doesn’t have his. their friendship is limited to academic factors.

so why is mingyu speaking as if they had something else outside of their little scholarly alliance?

just like wonwoo, mingyu sneaks the both of them into the empty chemistry lab just a floor above the ground floor. mingyu shuts the hallway blinds before ducking them both behind the first row of tables. it’s dark, and the ac has been left on since the day first started (there's a rumour that their chemistry lab teacher's secretly a polar bear too) so the floor almost feels like ice under seokmins palms. mingyu moves a chair away so they can sit comfortably in the little corner against the wall.

“have you…been talking to wonwoo lately?”

the mere mention of wonwoos name sends seokmin into his fight or flight mode. he wants to up and run out of there, but there’s limited space, their bags are effectively blocking their only exit out of the relatively small space.

but seokmin can't much mingyu either.

so seokmin answers, shaky. "i haven’t heard from him in almost three weeks now.”

“you still play pubg with him?”

seokmin sighs, “yeah. that’s the only time i get to talk to him, but he leaves the call as soon as the game ends.”

“of course,” mingyu sighs.

and then, mingyu’s appearance makes sense to him. his tired eyes, his slouched posture. seokmin hasn’t even seen mingyu laugh as much as he used to with his friends, let alone talk to wonwoo in school. had they fought? over what?

so seokmin asks, “did you fight with him?”

mingyu smiles bitterly. “is it that obvious?”

seokmin doesn’t say anything. his mouth runs dry and there’s a lump in his throat. he’s not the only one fighting wonwoo, does that mean the problem lies in wonwoo? after all those night spent thinking that maybe, _just maybe_ , all of this is his fault, did the problem really lie in wonwoo, and not him?

“i’ve always known he’d just push you aside once he gets what he wants.” mingyu starts. “i used to root for wonwoo and that crush of his, but when i heard he befriended you and you were helping him get to know minghao, i stopped talking about it with him.”

“oh...why?”

“because suddenly i didn’t want him to befriend minghao. not when i know that it comes at the cost of your friendship with him.”

then, the lab is quiet again, apart from the droning noises of the air conditioner working. although mingyu is sitting cross-legged on the floor next to him, leaning against the wall, he doesn’t look at seokmin in favour of the sight his hands fiddling with each other on his lap.

“it was a few days ago,” mingyu says, voice barely above a whisper, “he was supposed to get ice cream with me, but it happened the night before, so i guess he took minghao instead.”

“why?”

“the fight?" mingyu shrugs. "i just…didn’t like the way he was treating you.”

“...huh?”

mingyu scoffs, “come on, seokmin. you think i don’t know he hasn’t been talking to you at all? my biggest concern happened. i can tell how much wonwoo means to you, even as a friend, so i couldn't say nothing.”

"why?"

mingyu shrugs again. "you're cool. i've always wanted to talk to you in chem and bio, but i think your schedule is literally the same as chwe hansols, so i never got a chance."

"we'll we're in chem right now, aren't we?"

mingyu looks around and huffs out a laugh. "i guess we are."

the way they continue to talk for the rest of the period skipping class fills seokmin with anxiety, deja vu, but above all, serenity. mingyu's not exhausting to spend time with, constantly coming up with conversation topic after conversation topic. he reminds seokmin a lot of joshua, just with more energy and without the entire weird feelings part.

mingyu's not tiring, seokmin thinks, and maybe in a parallel universe, he wouldn't have been popular, but instead been a part of seokmins group of friends.


	6. seokmin is surrounded by love from his friends and also a portion of his family

now that wonwoo and minghao are out of the way, seokmin tries to focus on his own growing feelings for joshua.

except, once again, he can't. because joshua is too invested in jeonghan and seungcheols ridiculous courting methods.

"what...are they doing?" seokmin asks, bewildered.

"shh," joshua shushes him, "it's the way chickens mate. jeonghan thinks it'll impress seungcheol."

"wh-why would you let him do that? don't you guys have an image to maintain?"

then suddenly, from afar, they hear seungcheol say, "on all levels except physical, i, too, am a chicken!"

seungcheol bends his knees halfway and starts bobbing his head forwards, arms folded in half and tucked away to resemble bird wings. jeonghan and seungcheol circle each other, looking like fools for each other. seokmin obstructs his view of the two on the other end of the cafeteria with his hand while joshua just merely records the scene on his phone.

"you're so lucky it's after school hours," seokmin mumbles, "imagine if people saw that. god, down goes your reputation."

"don't worry," joshua says, "i don't care much about my reputation. i'll still have my friends anyway."

"yeah? friends like who? mr. chicken-pigeon hybrids?" seokmin snorts.

joshua hums, "them. you, mostly. jihoon and junhui. maybe wonwoo too now."

"b-bold of you to assume jihoon would even want to look at you," seokmin shoots back, but he lacks in energy. the word " _mostly_ " takes over his mind like a plague.

_mostly_. seokmin currently takes up _most_ of a category in joshuas life.

"i should head home." seokmin gets up to grab his bag.

"okay." joshua says.

that should be the end of it, but seokmin notices him getting up and grabbing his own bag too.

"what are you doing?"

joshua grins, holding up his car keys. "i'm driving you."

"you don't have to."

"i want to," joshua returns.

so seokmin doesn't fight back.

jeonghan and seungcheol hasn't had enough of each other yet, so joshua just calls out a quick goodbye before leaving the two to their devices. thankfully, they've stopped impersonating chickens and were indulging in a discourse on whether someones sexuality could be determined by the type of songs in their favourite playlist.

seokmin timidly follows behind joshuas much taller figure, keeping his eyes fixed onto the short hairs growing at the back of his head. he considers lightly grazing them, just enough to tickle joshua and send shivers down his spine, but the task would've been hard, considering the fact that they're walking.

"your mom isn't picking you up, right?" joshua makes sure when they get to the car.

seokmin snorts. "don't worry. even if she was, she'd instantly shut up once she hears it's you driving me home."

joshua nods, smug. "good to know my future in laws love me."

seokmin groans. _loudly_. "that's disgusting. i'll never marry you."

joshua laughs. "you say that now. wait until we're both adults and out of uni."

_yeah, seokmin's waiting for just that._

the car ride is a fifteen minute constant stream of the two of them singing along (off key) to joshuas driving playlist. sad songs, happy songs, they sang them all, not stopping once, all the way home. by the time seokmins house comes into view, it feels as though they'd only left the school a minute ago. seokmin feels the smile start to fade away from his face, but joshua's sudden screech of a high note slaps it right back on.

"tell your parents i said hi," joshua tells seokmin as he gets out of the car.

"no." seokmin sticks his tongue out.

seokmin turns around, expecting joshua to drive away right after, but an ear-splitting honk pierces the air instead of the sound of a car engine driving away. seokmin lets out a brief yell out of shock, jolting hard enough for any person to be able to physically see from a distance.

seokmin scowls and turns around to look at joshua, still in the car. "okay! okay, i'll tell them!"

then, joshua smiles. his eyes turn into crescents as he gives seokmin a thumbs up, before driving away. although joshua is soon out of sight once he makes a left turn, his smile is etched into seokmins mind as he takes his steps into the house. charming, seokmin thinks. he could get any girl he wants, but he doesn't he chooses jeonghan, and seungcheol, and even seokmin too.

so seokmin decides that he could accept himself platonically loving joshua.

* * *

"that's tonight?"

"yeah," soonyoung says, "choose your best hoodie and we'll get to school by six."

"hoodie? _six?_ "

"at night, genius," seungkwan walks in, falling down on his back on seokmins bed, right next to soonyoung. "there's a dark green hoodie of yours that looks really good on you. use that one."

"i cant," seokmin says, rummaging through his closet. "i wore that on my date with joshua."

"your da- right, your _date,_ which was almost _an entire month ago_ ," seungkwan coughs, "you can't wear it again because…?”

"he'll notice, kwan," seokmin whines.

"a month!"

"i know."

"would he notice after _that_ long?”

"well...i guess not."

"then wear it!" soonyoung exclaims, throwing himself backwards so he's lying on the bed with seungkwan. "i bet he even thinks you look cute it in."

seokmin ends up wearing said dark green hoodie to the pubg tournament that night (not because he hopes joshua finds him cute, as he tells himself). seokmin has two issues. the first being: why the hell did stuco think it was a good idea to have participants _physically gather_ just to play a game that was hosted online anyway? the second being: why does it have to be at night? the third being: in mid november? where seokmin feels like he's going to freeze to death after spending only 3 seconds outside.

nevertheless, the way the school is lit up after the sun had fully set is a fascinating new sight. seokmin has never seen the hallway lights look so bright in his entire life, and the little ground lights that illuminate the garden in the centre makes him feel as if he were at the city park.

"kinda wanna break into this place at night now," soonyoung comments.

seungkwan nods. "we'll take seokmin." then seungkwan leans in to whisper, "then we'll just leave him and cut the power."

soonyoung barks out a laugh. "yeah. good plan. good plan."

seokmin's too busy running around every floor they pass by to hear seungkwan and soonyoung. their destination, the lecture theatre, is at the fourth floor, so seokmin has three floors worth of exploring to do. seokmin thinks the sight vaguely reminds him of a dream he once had, but lost to time. there's something about the way the warm light in the hallways glows that brings seokmin a wave of nostalgia.

he can't figure out if he's just weird, or just has an overly sentimental heart.

once they get to the fourth floor, joshua, jeonghan, and wonwoo are waiting already. wonwoo's sitting on the floor, leaning back against a pillar, and jeonghan and joshua are sitting right in front of him. jeonghan is furiously typing away at his phone, while joshuas hand on his back seems to be an attempt at calming him down. seungkwan and soonyoung leave seokmin to enter the lecture hall and prepare the competition, so seokmin is left to approach them.

"what's going on?" seokmin asks.

"seungcheol isn't coming," jeonghan whines, hitting his heels against the hard ceramic floor. "he thought he'd be home by then but he's still out with his mom." jeonghan pouts.

"this thing’s gonna take an hour maybe. he can come towards the end," joshua says.

"doubt it."

"have you tried _asking_?”

jeonghan blinks. “shut up shua,” jeonghan rolls his eyes. he types exactly that into the text bar of his chat with seungcheol and presses send.

seokmin takes a deep breath and turns away from joshua and jeonghan. his school is made up of two buildings, one of them positioned out front, and another one towards the back of the land. the only thing connecting them was a stone path cutting through the school gardens with a little roof built on top of it to shelter passing students from the rain.

the building they're in is the one out front. standing four stories tall, it's built as an atrium. the entire middle part is void of anything, and with the glass roof over head, it lets the sunlight hit the ground floor in the afternoons. seokmin moves towards the railings, peering up at the dark, night sky, then down, to the dimly lit ground floor.

seokmin hears light footsteps coming up next to him. "hi," the person says. seokmin doesn't know anyone else who'd talk to him with a voice that deep, so he doesn't even look.

seokmin just hums in response.

"are you good?" wonwoo asks. seokmin can hear the caution in his voice.

seokmin nods, still avoiding eye contact. "i'm fine."

wonwoo doesn't press any further after that. seokmin is reminded of why he enjoyed having wonwoo around so much.

"hey, we should get in," jeonghan calls.

seokmin looks around for seungkwan and soonyoung, but they're nowhere to be found. seokmin assumes they're already inside the lecture theatre, so seokmin grabs the sleeve of joshuas jacket and follows him in.

that's how it starts off; with seokmin lightly pinching the fabric of the outerwear, clinging just a little. slowly, seokmin progresses towards grabbing joshuas entire arm with his hand. then, finally, they link arms. although the walk to find their way to the rows of seats take only less than a minute, joshua somehow has his entire arm slung around seokmins shoulder by the time they find their places.

frankly, neither are willing to let go of each other.

jeonghan rolls his eyes. "might as well start making out in front of us." he pulls joshua down onto his seat, forcing him to release seokmin.

joshua gawks, "i...what?"

"that's the most skin contact you've made with each other in front of me. it's as good as making out."

seokmin's seated in between wonwoo and joshua; wonwoo to his left, and joshua to his right (and to joshuas right, jeonghan). logically, the seating arrangement would call for joshua to speak to jeonghan more.

which leaves seokmin with wonwoo.

tonight would've been a perfect opportunity for them to hang out, talk, have fun, even if they were in the middle of a tournament. seokmin misses wonwoo, but ironically, the reminder of wonwoo not contacting him at all for the past three weeks was enough to erase any feelings of remorse from seokmin.

"good luck," wonwoo mumbles. he doesn't think seokmin hears him, but even if he does, he doesn't expect seokmin to respond.

but seokmin does hear him, and for the sake of not being seen as petty, responds anyway, to wonwoos surprise. "you too."

microphone feedback rings through the speakers in the theatre. seokmin looks up from his phone, seeing soonyoung and seungkwan walk onto the stage. they haven't even opened their mouths, but seokmin already wants to hide out of embarrassment. he attempts to drown their voices out (with much difficulty) by configuring his character in the game.

once they start speaking, seokmin's positive that if they hadn't been given mics, the entire theatre would've still heard them anyway.

"without further ado, let's get started shall we?"

* * *

seokmin's come close to dying thrice by now. he's gotten knocked out more times than he'd like to admit, and he's really beginning to feel the skill level of the entire school. he shouldn't notice, but he realizes that wonwoo is always the first one by his side when he's facing off an unseen shooter, and wonwoos always the one who's reviving him.

fuck you, jeon wonwoo.

speaking of revivals, seokmin spots all of his friends pile into the audience while he waits for wonwoo to revive his character. thankfully, they didn't bring embarrassing posters or banners. (really, the only embarrassing thing they brought was lee chan, which puts into perspective of what seokmin considers embarrassing and what he doesn't.)

but to hell with his friends right now. seokmin feels his fingers twitch as they hover over his screen. what the hell is wonwoo thinking? that this is enough of an apology? shouldn't he know that seokmin would just consider this as a favour from wonwoo? seokmin almost scowls at the mere thought of it.

joshua glances to his left at seokmin who is visibly struggling with his breathing. he mumbles for jeonghan to cover him.

he places a gentle hand over seokmins wrist. "you okay?" he asks.

seokmin snaps out of his trance. "huh?"

"you look distracted."

seokmin nods. "oh. i think- i think i am. sorry."

if joshua received a dollar for every time seokmin brushes off something that's very obviously bothering him, he thinks he could be a billionaire at this point. it's one thing to push away all his problems, but to keep it hidden from someone seokmin calls his best friend? joshua draws the line there.

"we'll talk about it later," joshua says. he gives no room for seokmin to negotiate since he immediately goes back to his phone screen, thanking jeonghan.

seokmins number one policy has always been to conceal the darkest parts of him away from joshua. when they first became friends, they fought almost daily because seokmin was too emotional and too naive, while joshua felt like the younger was too clingy and immature. they fought one night, when things got bad for seokmin, and they stopped talking for at least three months.

by now, that was almost a year ago.

joshua doesn't know this, but seokmin thinks the reason he and joshua has such a good friendship is because seokmin hasn't been completely honest with him. when the bad days come, he pushes everyone except for seungkwan and soonyoung away. seokmin also thinks that's the reason why he got the happy virus title of their group.

although joshua is practically forcing him to, seokmin doesn't want to tell joshua about what's bothering him. he thinks, it'll be considered petty in his eyes.

and seokmin doesn't know this, but joshua loves him. more than he could ever think. after those three months apart, he would do anything to keep seokmin by his side and prevent a repeat of that night.

* * *

they win, of course. they're like the main characters of a young adult novel where everything magically goes their way and the plot sails like a ship on calm waters. except seokmin is not on that ship, and the little raft he's stranded on finds itself in the middle of a stormy night out at sea after he was flung out of a cruise ship.

when he exits the lecture theatre, his teammates go to their respective people of interest. joshua and jeonghan are shaking seungcheol, and wonwoos standing off to the side with minghao and vernon. seokmin shoots them a dirty look, but neither catches it.

seungkwan and soonyoung emerge from the doors a little later, bearing the biggest smiles seokmin has ever seen in his life. they initiate a group hug consisting of them, seokmin, jihoon, junhui, and chan. seokmin sinks into the embrace of his group of friends and brother as he closes his eyes to truly bask in the feeling.

the entire circle is laughing, smiling, and so is seokmin, but the muscles that pull his lips into a smile are also sending shots of searing pain straight to his heart. his eyes begin to burn from the tears beginning to form, so he turns away for a while, wiping them away.

but they don't stop. after the first burn of his sleeve against his eyes, seokmin thinks that's the end of his tears, but they just keep coming and coming and although the pressure in his heart is beginning to fade, he doesn't want his friends to see him like this. no, he doesn't want _wonwoo_ to see him like this.

just then, a hand rests on his shoulder. "seok." a soft voice says.

_no_ fucking _way_.

the wet patches on the sleeve of his hoodie just grows bigger, but seokmin practically starts seething even if he hasn't turned to face wonwoo yet. he decides, fuck being sad, he's ready to blow up.

"what?" seokmin snaps, eyes still glassy, but filled with rage when he quickly turns around. "what do you want, wonwoo?"

seokmin catches a flash of fear in wonwoos eyes. _serves him right_ , he thinks.

"seokmin, i-"

"you're what? sorry? for what? not talking to me? not calling? not even _texting_?"

seokmins voice is raised, but from the amount of noise and chatter throughout the atrium hallways, their conversation is barely heard. even by the rest their friends, who are still celebrating only a few steps away.

"i am," wonwoo says, "i'm sorry things turned out this way for us."

"yeah well they did," seokmin hisses, "so who cares wonwoo? you got what you wanted already."

wonwoo shakes his head. "that's not what i want. there are no excuses for what i did, and i'll admit it was all my fault, but _please_ , seokmin."

"please what?"

"i know we only had one month with each other before i fucked up, but that month was the only time i truly felt like i could breathe."

seokmins anger visibly dissipates, much to his dismay. he wants to put up a strong front when it comes to wonwoo, but who was he kidding? wonwoos seen the ugly parts of him, albeit not the ugliest, and he's seen the weaker sides of wonwoo.

wonwoo looks straight at him. "i'm not going to expect you to forgive me right away, but i want to be able to skip classes and talk like we used to."

and there it is, the gem seokmin never thought he'd uncover. wonwoo confessing that he's felt the same way about their month and a half apart from each other. seokmins eyes begin to burn again from the hot tears flooding his dry eyes, as if his system has given up on seokmins pride.

his legs give way, and he's fully ready to hit the ground as he waits for the impact on his knees. he keeps waiting and waiting and waiting but instead of his knees hitting the floor, he feels a body press against his, and arms wrapping all the way around him.

then, a familiar, warm voice.

“i’ve got you.”


	7. seokmin is, once again, thrown right into another event he didn’t sign up for

“you’re joking, right?”

“nah.”

it’s towards the end of november when soonyoung and seungkwan introduce the next breakthrough they've made as the events organizer for student council.

“wasn’t pubg night just a week ago?”

”no, dumbass. how do you think wonwoo and minghao are already making out everywhere?”

“shh, don’t say that! seokmin might cry again.”

“i’ll shove my fucking shoe inside your mouth, seungkwan.”

the statement shuts the youngest up. two new members, vernon and mingyu, joins them and takes the seats in front of seokmin. lately, the two of them have been joining their lunch table from time to time, seeing as minghao and wonwoo would have ‘study dates’ in the library planned.

but they all know it’s just to mess around together, away from the prying eyes of the public.

“okay, let’s hear the details first,” junhui says.

soonyoung clears his throat. “well, based on jihoons suggestion, there’ll be a rubric of some sort for judging.”

“who’s judging? you guys?” jihoon asks.

“god no,” seungkwan snorts, “we’re not qualified. the performing arts department teachers are judging.”

“fair. prize money?”

soonyoung points finger guns at vernon. “twenty thousand won for first place. fifteen for second, ten for first.”

“sweet,” jihoon decides, “i’m in.”

“yeah, go show this shithole your honey voice baby,” junhui says, but jihoon smacks him in return.

“registration's in two days. expecting to see some of you on the sheet." seungkwan winks, “and seokmin, you’re mcing with me and soonyoung.”

“again?!” seokmin almost yells, “at least fucking ask me first!”

* * *

the google forms website sits idly on his laptop screen. wonwoo leans back in his chair while biting his nails. all the information has been filled out and checked, double checked. triple checked. maybe even quadruple checked. wonwoo begins turning his chair from left to right, fidgeting.

_this is a bad idea,_ he thinks.

but the messages from seokmin ("go for it!") and mingyu ("do it coward") convinces him otherwise.

it's when he presses the submit button that the anxiety properly settles in. he knows its easy to retract his application; he could always just ask soonyoung to delete his entry, but a part of him doesn't want to back down, despite the unbelievable amounts of pressure this puts on him.

wonwoo wouldn't call himself a bad singer. he could hold a note, and his lower register is like ambrosia for the gods. the song he’s chosen is mainly centered around his comfort range, so why is he so nervous?

well, it's for minghao. he doesn't want to mess it up, even if minghao doesn’t know that it’s for him.

on the other side of town, closer to the beaches, joshua hong finds himself in the same position as wonwoo. he stares blankly at the filled out digital form, cursor hovering over the submit button. every time he wills his fingers to tap on the trackpad of his macbook, it simply refuses to.

joshua groans, closing his eyes. he’s not doing it for anyone. hell, no one even knows he can sing. not even jeonghan, who he’s gone with to countless karaoke sessions. not once have they ever sang seriously around each other, but it’s not like they intended for it to be that way. it just…happens. they have too much fun that sounding horrible barely even fazes them.

but jeonghan is not the one on his mind as joshua contemplates the application. it’s seokmin, for some reason, appearing like an ant in the presence of sugar.

but why?

despite the younger swimming through his mind, joshua takes a deep breath before slamming his pointer finger down onto the trackpad of his laptop. the words “ _your response has been recorded_ ” pops up on the screen, and it’s nerve wracking enough to make him violently hit the shortcuts to close that tab.

* * *

the trio is gathered up in seokmins room, on his bed. it's not nearly big enough to fit the three of them, so the mess of limbs sprawled over and across each other are a product of human adaptation. plus, the comforter thrown over some parts of them feels too good to move from.

“fourty three responses. _sexy_." soonyoung high fives seungkwan.

the laptop sits on the bed, on display for the three boys to see. soonyoung, who was sitting with seokmin clinging onto his left, and seungkwan lying on his lap, acts as the navigator, as he's the only one with a free hand.

"can't believe seungkwan signed up for his own event," seokmin snorts.

seungkwan reaches over his head to punch the other weakly. "shut up man. i'll win. just watch."

"dude, look, joshua signed up," soonyoung says.

at that, seokmin violently scrambles off soonyoungs side. the bed shakes so hard that the laptop almost falls off the edge, had it not been for soonyoung grabbing the device right before it tipped over. now, seokmins limbs are detached from soonyoung, giving them both two working hands.

seokmin eyes the entry in the spreadsheet file. almost a week ago, late at night. joshua hong, grade twelve, 17 by pink sweats.

_17 by pink sweats?_

"oh shit, didn't you give him that song?" seungkwan says.

“uhuh,” seokmin says.

he tries to keep it cool, keep his voice stable, but it’s visibly failing. fortunately, seungkwan and soonyoung are too absorbed in the list of responses that they don’t notice the sweat rapidly forming on seokmins skin, despite the low hum of the air conditioner serving as ambience in the background. every inch of his skin feels like it’s on fire and he feels like the entire world is spinning while he’s on the axis of it all.

next to the shock of seeing joshuas song of choice is also the shock of seeing joshuas name on that list. yeah, joshuas speaking voice already sounds like a melody, but seokmin didn’t know the guy could actually _sing_.

while his friends are distracted, seokmin shoots a quick chain of texts to joshua to verify his choices. his response comes barely a second later, confirming that he, indeed, signed up at his own will, without neither seungcheol or jeonghans knowledge, and that his first concern would be _how the fuck seokmin knows about that._

well, being friends with people who can get you information about anything and everything is...quite convenient.

“so who’ve we spotted so far?” seokmin asks, resting his chin on his palm.

soonyoung is still scrolling. “other than your boyfriend and seungkwan-”

seokmin punches soonyoung.

“fine! other than _joshua_ and seungkwan, there’s jihoon and- wonwoo?”

wonwoo’s name leaves soonyoungs lips as more of a scream than a question. it sends both seungkwan and seokmin scrambling, once again almost knocking the laptop over in the process. seungkwan is sitting upright now, dragging the laptop closer for them to see.

lo and behold, jeon wonwoo.

seungkwan tsks, “what is it with the twelfth grade boys and their obsession with pink sweats?”

“what is it with _you_ and _your_ obsession with baek yerin?”

“she makes good music!”

seokmin rolls his eyes at the two. “is that all the info we have right now?”

seungkwan nods. he closes the browser tab and places the laptop on seokmins desk right by the bed.

it’s a miracle they haven’t knocked their heads on the edge of it during the mess earlier.

* * *

when jihoon signs up, it’s only a few hours before seokmin, soonyoung, and seungkwan gathers in seokmins house to check the response sheet. to pass the time waiting for his university counselling session, he decides to scroll through the text messages sent in the group chat.

by the end of it all, he ends up staring at the same ”your response has been recorded” screen as joshua and wonwoo.

he takes a moment to stare.

a moment passes.

...

oh shit.

“oh shit,” jihoon voices his thoughts.

oh shit indeed! what has he done? why did he do that? jihoon frantically swipes on his screen aimlessly, panicking and not knowing where to go. he naturally opens his messenger app, looking around his chat list and looking for someone to talk about this with in the swarm of unread messages.

his eyes land on seungkwan and soonyoung.

“ah…fuck,” jihoon curses.

he’d brought up the idea anyway. they’ll probably force him to participate in the end, assuming not many people are going to apply. besides, it’s not like this is a _horrible_ idea.

right?

“jihoon,” he hears junhui say.

jihoon looks up from his phone to see junhui standing in front of him. “hey. should we go inside?”

he nods. “you first though. i’m scared.”

jihoon snorts, “pussy.” and then opens the door.

he walks in first, letting the freezing air engulf him. the university counsellors office is small; way too small to have one air conditioning system all to itself. maybe mr. han was the true polar bear of the staff instead of the chem lab teacher. it’s already december. who the fuck has the ac down to twenty degrees when it’s freezing outside?

"ah jihoon, junhui, sit," he motions to the two chairs on the opposite side of his desk. "so i need to make one thing clear first."

"y-yes, sir?"

"so i know you two are particularly close friends. is that why you both chose taiwan as your country of choice?"

they both shake their heads, looking at mr. han, then to each other, then back to him.

"okay, good," he smiles, "i'm assuming you're both open to potentially attending the same uni?"

jihoon thinks, _fuck no, i'm so ready to let go of junhui_ , but then he makes the mistake of looking at junhui, who's looking back at him with his signature naïve gaze and hopeful eyes.

now jihoon can't possibly bring himself to say anything that opposes the idea of spending another four years with junhui.

sometimes, he can't figure out why he's still friends with junhui. the latter's very attractive, but not quite in the right ways. junhui's a pretty face with the loudest voice and the weirdest mannerisms jihoon's ever seen in his entire life. the amount of times he's cowered away from junhui out of secondhand embarrassment would easily top the number of grains of sand on any given beach.

but despite all that, jihoon looks at junhui and remembers the voice that made the pain in his elbows stop. all he sees is the five year old kid who wouldn't stop meowing and rubbing his face all over him. jihoon looks at junhui and sees the first friend he's ever made. it'd be a pleasure to have him still by his side all through university.

so jihoon says, "yes. that'd be great."

the meeting flies by, and before they know it, they're physically shivering as they step out of the office. junhui feels his skin getting stickier from the change in humidity. he squirms within himself.

"wanna get coffee?" junhui suddenly finds himself saying. he barely thinks of it, barely even thinks of coffee, but he says it anyway.

"yeah, i got time to kill," jihoon says. junhuis glad he didn't turn him down like he often does.

the walk to the coffee shop is quiet, but it's the kind of quiet junhui knows jihoon likes. like the quiet of jihoons house when his parents are out, or the quiet of the suburbs when he's on the rooftop of his aunts house. one of junhuis most unbelievable winter break stories originates from that very scenario, but that's a story for a later date.

when the warm, paper cup rests in his hand, junhui looks at jihoon, sipping his own drink. they lean on the wall outside, watching the sun set and the cars pass with a vroom. junhui breathes in, and he's reminded of the air tainted by chemicals that he used to breathe in like oxygen. junhui thinks, _this is so much better. this is living._

and he gets to experience it next to the one person he's sure he loves.

* * *

“hey seok?”

“yeah?”

“it’s time for that conversation.”

seokmin blinks. “you’re joking, right? you didn't forget?”

joshua shakes his head, sliding onto the seat next to seokmin. “you wish.”

seokmin welcomes the older with a sigh. the lecture theatre is buzzing with six hundred or so students, piling through the double doorway. they're usually arranged by their homeroom classes, but joshua's managed to sneak away from his own in favour of blending in with seokmin's class right in front of him.

"hey joshua," vernon, on seokmins other side, greets.

joshua smile and waves at the other. seokmin exhales, squirming in his seat as he attempts to look straight forward, avoiding joshuas gaze.

"so what was the deal?"

"what deal?"

“c’mon. you know what i’m talking about,” joshua rolls his eyes.

seokmin leans in close, real close to joshuas ear, to the point where his warm breath tickles joshuas earlobe and the side of his neck. he feels shivers travel down his arms and back as seokmin begins whispering in his ear.

"vernon's right there. i can't."

"that's okay," joshua breathes out. he thanks god that seokmin cant see how devastatingly nervous he is right now. "you can just...keep whispering like this."

joshua's practically created his very own hell, right there in the middle of the lecture theatre, for the entire room to see. he can feel the sweat beginning to form on his forehead, which he swiftly wipes away with the back of his hand. he feels like all eyes are on him and seokmin, whose face is only inches away from his own. joshua's finding it harder and harder to calm the pounding in his chest.

"the problem's solved now, though. wonwoo and i are fine. minghao didn't know about any of it, so i can't really blame him."

joshua can barely recall anything seokmin told him in the past five minutes.

"alright then," joshua says, regaining composure although his breathing is still shaky. "i'm glad it's all okay."

seokmin hums in response. joshua expects the younger to retreat back to his own seat, letting the silence between them build a wall between what little space there is between their seats, but seokmin's faint breaths never seem to leave his side.

before he knows it, he can feel the weight of seokmins head resting upon his shoulder, making a home for itself in the crook of joshuas neck. now, it's the thin strands of hair that are tickling him, making his breath hitch in his throat.

seokmin feels joshua lightly squirming under him. "a-are you uncomfortable?"

"no!" joshua blurts out, much too quickly. "n-no. you can stay. i like it."

joshua's never liked school assemblies, even when jeonghan used to be in his homeroom class back in eleventh grade and they'd make jokes with each other the entire time. now, though, with a cute boy resting his head on top of his shoulder while their arms barely graze each other, joshua reckons school assemblies offer more than just religious presentations and school announcements.


	8. seokmin is surprised by a sudden turn of events

being in school itself is bad enough, but being forced to be picked to join a group of people you're _certain_ hates you? that's a whole new level of bad.

as chan sits on the lobby stairs beside a group of teachers reviewing their plan for the day, he waits for his classmates to group up by scrolling mindlessly through his social media. he sees xu minghao on his twitter timeline with the math homework answers and vernon chwe losing his mind in the replies. then, there's joshua hong on his instagram story with yoon jeonghan and choi seungcheol in the library. chan thinks- no, chan _sees_ that everyone has friends. even his stupid loser of a brother has _at least_ _ten_ , so why doesn't he?

why does he see his grade as a sea of foreign faces, and not the people he's been spending the past nine years with?

"jungchan, did your parents say you'd be going on the trip?"

the statement takes a while for him to process that it's being directed at him. he's almost forgotten to even respond to the mention of his full name, but jungchan? who the hell even calls him that anymore? he's about to open his mouth to say yes to his business studies teacher when he spots what looks like lee jihoon going into the front office with who seems to be his mom.

or, maybe not. he could be wrong. after all, through the opening of the front doors, he can only see a glimpse of the people who entered the office.

if chan says no, it'll be a win-win situation anyway. it's only a yes that will bring him certain doom. if the pair turns out to be complete strangers, he could just pack it up and walk home and pray his parents aren't getting off their shift early today. if it really is jihoon, then hallelujah! he's got a potential ticket out of the trip.

but then again, what does chan expect jihoon to do? bring chan home with him? to do what? berate him? make fun of him? doesn't jihoon _despise_ him? just like the rest of his classmates do?

"no, they didn't sign the paper," chan lies.

the paper's in his bag. he just never turned it in.

"oh, okay. are you...walking home?"

chan nods. "yeah. i'll be on my way."

his teachers are just the same. they don't care. chan's lie is odd, full of loopholes, but they let him go anyway. he'd just be a burden to group up.

he passes the front doors, shoulders slouching at the fact that there's at least a wall separating him and the entire tenth grade student body now. he peers through the glass doors of the front office.

the pair is, in fact, jihoon and his mom. chan feels his stomach do a little somersault. he plans it out; jihoon's going to walk out and see him. they'd make conversation, and his mom would ask about their friendship. then chan's going to-

"lee chan, what the fuck are you doing here?"

ah... _shit._

it's none other than his, previously mentioned, stupid loser of a brother.

"hyung!" chan whisper-yells, trying to kick seokmin away. "you're ruining my plan-"

"lee seokmin?"

it's a foreign female voice, one chan knows for sure he's never heard before, but he's quite certain as to who it may belong to. he turns around to see jihoon and his mom already out of the front office. his mom is watching as this... _kid,_ kicks one of her sons best friends.

jihoon lowers his head in shame and presses his hand to his forehead. he sighs.

"hi mrs. lee," seokmin beams, "before you worry, no, he's not bothering me. this is my brother, chan."

the fleeting thought of, once again, being a wingman, crosses seokmins mind.

chan expects jihoons mom to give him a weird look and a cautious hi back. on the chance that it happens, chan would wholeheartedly accept it, so it comes as quite a shock when instead of that, jihoons mom extends a hand for him to shake.

"i see you two share a rather interesting bond." she smiles, "well, jihoon and i will be off now. he's not feeling very well today."

"oh, is he sick?" seokmin asks.

"yeah but not- not in that way..." jihoon mumbles.

they take a moment to register what he means.

then seokmin says, "hope it passes soon," and gives jihoon a sympathetic smile. the latter returns it.

with an impatient tug on the tip of his mothers shirt, jihoon finally gets his mom to leave the lobby. they pass by the crowd of tenth graders just about to board the bus to their trip destination, and for some reason, jihoon scans the sea of students for chan, even looking over his homeroom class' row more than once.

chan isn't there. is he not going?

"ma, wait," jihoon pauses.

"what's wrong?"

"i-i need a moment," he says, "i think we need to take seokmin's brother."

he vaguely recalls a late night call with seokmin, when the rest of their friends were asleep, and they're the only ones left in the voice channel. jihoon's always wondered what it's like to have a sibling, being an only child. almost instantly, seokmin delves into the horrors, but also joys of having a younger brother.

and he vaguely recalls seokmin talking about chans subpar social life.

so jihoon dials chans number. he doesn't remember how he has it, or why, but he's glad he does. chan should have his phone on him, and he shouldn't be too far. they would've seen him.

"hello?" chan answers on the third ring.

"chan, are you not joining the trip?"

the line pauses. "n-no. i'm going home."

"why don't you come over?" jihoon offers. he's not entirely sure why, but it's too late to take it back now. "w-we can play video games, maybe order some pizza."

once again, chan takes a moment to respond. jihoon can practically hear the gears turning in his brain. he wouldn't blame the younger though, not after the way jihoons treated him and his mild crush on junhui.

"okay," chan finally says, softly.

"meet me at the lobby, okay?"

"okay."

then the line disconnects.

* * *

chan finds himself sitting on the couch in jihoons living room. to his left, a full window wall. to his left, the open kitchen. and right in front of him, a flatscreen tv is perched up on a tv stand. the console of a playstation four lies on the section under the tv stand with its two controllers resting on top of it. right beside it is what chan thinks is a nintendo switch from the blue, black, and red colour.

jihoon returns from a short trip to the kitchen. he holds two cans of cola, one in each hand, and he sets it on the coffee table. before he sits down on the floor in between the coffee table and the sofa, he grabs the controllers. both of them.

both of them. is he going to ask chan to play too?

jihoon sits on the couch next to chan with a grunt. "i know you probably don't play much, but here."

he hands chan a controller.

"i'll teach you."

the item feels foreign on his hands. the black plastic material of the device feels smooth on his skin, and the weight of it is something to get used to. chan holds it properly in his hand, trying to adjust to it's shape as he reaches for the various controls built into it.

"how about we start with kartrider?"

"um, i've only ever played on pc," chan mumbles.

jihoon smiles. "it's okay."

the entire time, chan had been looking at the controller in his hands, but he manages to look up just as jihoon smiles at him. it's nothing foreign to him; he's seen jihoon laugh like he were high whenever junhui makes a joke that's a little too stupid, but to see him smile at chan specifically?

he can't tell why, but a smile from jihoon makes his heart leap more than whenever junhui pats his back.

while the game loads on the screen, chan still cant stop looking at jihoon, next to him on the floor. he sees jihoons hair swishing and bouncing around as the older shifts positions on the floor, and chan restrains himself from reaching out to run his fingers through it.

_you've just befriended him. don't be a creep._

god, this is so fucked up. one afternoon with his crush's best friend, and chan finds himself falling hard and fast.

with jihoons help, soon, the controller feels like it's molded itself into chans palms. the buttons no longer feels foreign to him, and he's adjusted to the sensitivity of the joystick. chan, now sitting closely next to jihoon on the floor, wins his fifth round of kartrider out of the thirty or so rounds they've played in the past two hours.

"not bad," jihoon chuckles, sipping his cola. "for a first timer, too."

"don't flatter me." chan rolls his eyes. "after this, i'll probably never play again and lose all my skills."

"who says you can't come over again to play?"

jihoon’s looking at him expectantly, eyes shining even though the light of the ten o'clock sun is pouring in through the windows behind him. chan finds himself unable to speak, mouth dry and his eyes blinking rapidly as if it would somehow give him the right answer.

it doesn't, of course. and now he just looks like a fish out of water.

"you can come over whenever you want." jihoon turns back to the screen. "i like you better than your brother anyway."

"is that a compliment?"

jihoon hums. "seokmins bar is in hell, but sure."

there's a strange feeling in chans chest that he cant explain, and it's constantly growing and growing the more time he spends with jihoon. for the most part, it's weird, but not uncomfortable. it's the kind of feeling that chan wants to bask in for the rest of his life. he can tell it's pure and benevolent. he's never even felt this way whenever he interacts with junhui.

jihoon sets an empty can of coke on the table with a clink. “alright. round thirty one.”

by the end of the day, jihoons forgotten all about the unexplainable pressure in his chest and the unmistakeable urge to cry, constantly, for no reason. he can’t tell whether its thanks to the younger boy sitting next to him, cheering himself on with encouraging mumbles, but jihoon enjoys chans company nevertheless. he’s reminded of simpler times, where the weight of college and adulthood weren’t looming over him like a predator waiting to pounce at the perfect moment.

"i should head home. seokmin-hyung might be looking for me," chan says.

"already?" jihoon glances at his phone. "it's only seven thirty."

"yeah, well." chan shows jihoon his phone. the screen displays what jihoon assumes is sixty unread messages from seokmin as chan scrolls through a majorly one sided chat.

"ah, okay." jihoon stands up. "i'll drive you then."

"you have a license?"

"license _plate_? definitely."

* * *

driving without a license is the least of jihoons worries.

the most? seeing the lee family car parked in the driveway, and the light of the living room on.

they're home early. jihoon doesn't know why he's so scared.

jihoon pulls up the car to the curb. "see you...later?"

chan snorts as he unbuckles his seatbelt. "i'll text you, hoon."

jihoon smiles, averting his gaze. "yeah. okay. i'll...be waiting then."

chan finds himself unwilling to turn away from the open window of jihoons car, but he must anyway. when he walks up the stone stairs to his porch, there's a spring in his step for all the world to see. the fading hum of an engine tells him that jihoon's just driven away.

so chan steps into the house.

"oi, jungchan," is what he's instantly greeted with. to his left is seokmin, coming down the hallway. "where the hell have you been?"

chan shrugs. "just...hanging out with a friend."

"what friend?"

chan hisses out of annoyance. "just a friend. go away hyung."

"oh c'mon," seokmin rolls his eyes. "it's my first time hearing you talk about a friend. can't blame me for being curious."

chan sighs, "it's no one important. really."

before seokmin can get another word in, chan takes off down the hall and disappears behind the privacy of his bedroom door. seokmin is left alone, dumbfounded in the hallway, so he heads to the one place he knows he can find people to interact with; the kitchen.

there, he sees his mom at the stove, flipping something in a pan. his dad, next to her, washing vegetables in the sink. this is a rare sight, seokmin thinks. the both of them home, doing something together. it'll be at least a few months before seokmin gets to see something like this again.

"need help?" seokmin asks.

"hm, actually, i think we're done," his mom hums, "or at least i am. your father is..."

seokmin peers over his dads shoulder to see how he's doing. his hand moves like a person dancing for the first time in their lives. occasionally, pieces of lettuce escape the bowl he's using to wash the ingredient. seokmins hands itch to take over his place.

"don't worry," his dad says, a bit panicked. "i've got this. is your brother back?"

"came in a few minutes ago," seokmin says, grabbing a serving plate for his mom. "says he was with a friend."

"huh, what friend?" his mom asks.

"exactly what i said."

"so it's...?"

seokmin shrugs. "he wouldn't tell me."

"huh," his mom starts, "maybe he'll tell us when he's ready."

what seokmin didn't know is that the time would've come sooner than he expected. chan's never told him anything about himself, so seokmin pinpointed it at maybe around a month, maybe three weeks if he nagged enough.

but seokmin couldn't have expected the realization to hit him hard at the very next day, when his friends decided to all gather at his house.


	9. seokmin is shown two semi-unrelated discoveries

something's up; seokmin can feel it in his bones.

there shouldn't be anything different about todays hangout compared to all the other ones that came before this one. soonyoung's sprawled out across the couch and seungkwan's lying on the floor, not far from each other. then, there's minghao who has soonyoungs legs thrown over his lap as soonyoung pans his phone around the room.

next to soonyoung is vernon with a bowl of cheetos, eyes fixed onto the film playing on the tv. junhui's with seokmin, whose back is pressed up against the olders chest under the comfort of a thin blanket draped over the both of them. junhuis arms are wrapped around seokmins waist, but nobody else knows that.

seokmin feels warmth blooming in his heart as junhuis arms keep a steady grip on seokmins hips. the elder pulls him closer to junhuis chest that it practically feels like seokmin's sinking into the other. his hand rests on junhuis wrist as a sign of comfort.

but suddenly, out of the blue, seokmin feels the urge to glance around, and he realizes something.

jihoon's disappeared.

and that's when he realizes the second thing.

there _is_ something different about todays hangout.

seokmin attempts to wriggle out of junhuis grasp. just as his toes manage to touch the carpeted floor of the living room, he's met with a whine and arms that begin to tighten around his waist.

"no," junhui whines, dragging out the 'o'.

"come on junnie," seokmin says, "i'm just gonna go and grab something from the fridge. do you want anything?"

"is there meat?"

"i can heat up yesterday nights beef leftovers?"

"perfect," junhui smiles. only then does he let seokmin slide out of his hold.

seokmin keeps his footsteps light on the floor. halfway to the kitchen, seokmin turns back to the living room, just to make sure. he counts the heads he can see, and behold, he's right! jihoon was and still is missing!

turning back to the kitchen, seokmin can hear two hushed voices. who else, other than chan and jihoon, would they be? seokmin almost barges in to startle them, but no, to reveal who he is straight off the bat wouldn't be fun.

so seokmin chooses to stand by the doorframe, leaning and listening into their conversation.

"want cheese to go with that?" he hears chan ask.

"sure," jihoon says, followed by the tearing of aluminium foil.

seokmin believes the scene before his deserves to be one of the seven wonders of the world. whenever it was chan and jihoon, it used to always be snarky comments. yet now, there they are, conversing like _friends_ in the kitchen.

friends...when did that happen?

"are you joining us?" jihoon asks, voice slightly quieter, as if he didn't actually want chan to catch that. seokmins heart briefly stops when he mistakes it as a question towards him and not chan

chans snort eases seokmin nerves. "nah. you guys go ahead."

"really? there's still room for one more."

"hoon, trust me. i know my sofa seats at least ten people."

* * *

_"hoon?"_

"i really don't get why this is such a big deal."

"because, channie!" seokmin exclaims, "i've never seen you like...porperly _talk_ to jihoon. and now you’re just calling him nicknames out of nowhere?”

chan cocks his head to one side. "we've talked before though? i've heard you guys call him hoon before."

"well, sure, but you guys haven't been...y'know, the most _civilized_ of people.”

and then there's also the issue of chan not being fazed at all at the sight of his older brother all snuggled up against his "crush". he came into the living room, asking if anyone wanted pizza, with junhui and seokmin right in front of him, yet he didn't say a word. he looked right at them, asking about the pizza, without so much of a reaction regarding their position.

it's only when he looked at jihoon, that seokmin caught a twinkle in his eye.

chan sighs, getting up from his seat on the dining table with his empty plate in hand. "hyung, it's just me trying to be nice. it's nothing."

"lee jungchan, we are _not_ d-"

seokmins statement is cut off by the vibrations of his phone against the dining table. the screen is upside down to chan, but he swiftly reads joshuas name off the caller id. seokmin snatches his phone off the table, but it’s too late. chan knows.

"go tend to your boyfriend," chan nods towards the phone.

seokmin gets up to quickly leave the dining table. “not my boyfriend!" he yells while he’s at it.

once seokmin’s out of earshot, chan mumbles. "yeah right.”

* * *

seokmin figures today is full of differences. first, his brother is now talking to one of his best friends, the same best friend who’s been at his throat since they first met. the same best friend his brother used to _loathe_ to the ends of the universe. if that wasn’t a sign that the end of the day would be equally as confusing, seokmin doesn’t know what is.

it’s just so, _so_ unfortunate, that seokmin ends today with a shorter-than-usual call with joshua.

“hang out at your house today, huh?” joshua asks.

there’s an undertone to it that triggers an unsettling feeling in the pit of seokmins stomach.

seokmin hums as he shifts on his seat. “yeah. i think my brother might end up dating one of my friends at this point.”

“huh _._ ” and that’s all joshua says on the matter.

question marks float around in seokmins mind as he tries to figure out why joshua didn’t seem as interested as he usually is tonight. maybe because it was about chan? but no, it involves one of seokmin’s friends, who are essentially also joshuas friends at this point of time. maybe joshua’s tired? or doing something at the same time?

who knows?

“are you tired?” seokmin asks, cautiously.

“why? is junhui calling?”

junhui? why is joshua suddenly bringing junhui up?

“what? no, why?” seokmin asks back.

he can hear joshua sigh from the other side of the line. “yeah. you’re right though. i’m kind of tired.”

“oh.” seokmin inhales deeply, but the pressure in his chest doesn’t seem to go away. “okay then, i’ll see-”

“see you seokmin.” with that, joshua’s icon disappears from his screen with the notification tone as his farewell.

afterwards, deafening silence.

seokmin’s left sitting at his table, staring at his screen for what seems like years, dumbfounded. he’s had his fair shares of disagreements with joshua, but they’ve never left things at such an awkward tone. not since _then_ , at least.

seokmin shakes his head and shuts his laptop. joshua has his days. just like everyone else. if he blows up on seokmin, then seokmin’s just glad he got the brunt of it, and not jeonghan.

flopping on his bed, seokmin quickly hops onto his group chat with his friends.

**[8:21PM]**

**me:** who posted abt the hangout today?

**[8:21PM]**

**soonyoung:** me ^^

**[8:21PM]**

**jihoon:** everyone except me i think.

**[8:22PM]**

**minghao:** and me. i’m on a social media detox <3

**[8:22PM]**

**vernon:** my ass lmao i saw you on twitter earlier

the group carries on, lively after seokmin’s starter message. they think nothing of it as seokmin jumps onto instagram and hunts all his friends’ usernames down.

minghao didn’t post, and neither did jihoon. checks out.

vernon posted a weird blurry picture of a bowl of cereal. when did he even get cereal with soonyoung practically using him as a human sofa the entire time?

then there’s seungkwan, with a pretty picture of the sun from the windows in seokmin’s living room. the next post is a picture of all of them, looking up and waving at the camera. he’s sitting upright next to junhui in the story, and although seokmin must admit there’s barely any distance between the two of them, nothing about the post should’ve warranted joshuas behaviour towards him tonight.

“what the fuck, joshua hong,” seokmin sighs, scratching his head.

he still can't figure out why junhui, out of all people, is even involved.

then he gets to soonyoungs post. the post that his panning earlier must’ve caught. there, in broad daylight, is seokmin and junhui tangled up in each other on the couch, blanket barely covering their bodies anymore. anyone would barely catch it at first glance, but after rewatching it a few times, the arm around seokmin’s hips will come to be terribly evident to the eyes.

this...is it?

seokmin snorts, and laughs.

there’s _no way_ that’s what joshua’s mad at. he’s just tired. today’s been a long day for him. maybe he’d come to tell jeonghan, and everything would be back to normal the next day.

just, maybe.

* * *

“i don’t get it!” joshuas voice rises, “han, they’re literally all over each other.”

its a miracle his mom didn't come barging into his room to ask why her son is yelling at almost midnight.

“shua, _we_ are all over each other. are _we_ dating?”

the rage inside him dissipates for the briefest moment. “w-well, no, but-”

seungcheol saves him from having to finish his (nonexistent) response. _“_ why don’t you just…ask him? _”_

“ _no_ ,” jeonghan and joshua say in unison.

“joshua opens his mouth, and he does nothing but make it worse.” jeonghan tells seungcheol.

“huh,” seungcheol says, “in that case, should i ask him for you?”

_“_ you would do that? _”_ joshua asks, a glint evident in his eye.

“first of all, cheol, no. this is your stupid crush, shua. don’t drag him into it.”

“did you just call lee seokmin stupid?”

“i said the crush was stupid!”

“how is the crush not lee seokmin?!”

“oh my god,” seungcheol groans, repeatedly slamming the volume down button on his keyboard.

“okay, forget what i said, but i’m telling you. considering their entire group? there’s no way they're dating _._ ”

“well they've never been _that_ close before!”

jeonghan hisses out of irritation. “fuck, seokmin’s not yours, shua. do you get that? you won't even ask him out and it’s been, what? a year? two? what makes you think you’re in any position to go off on him about something you’re not even sure of?”

"shut up, han. i know what i saw.”

but jeonghan ignores his statement.

“you can’t expect him to stay with you and only you. why are you keeping his freedom from him?”

“jeonghan, i said _shut up_.”

“actually, you know what? why don’t you go ask wen junhui about it then? if you’re so curious? if you don’t want to ask seokmin, why don’t you go ask his _boyfriend?_ ”

“he has a point,” seungcheol chimes in, almost inaudible, but it's just in time to stop joshua from blowing up on jeonghan. “joshie, if it’s bothering you so much, i think you should really find out what's going on.”

thank god jeonghan doesn't say another word after seungcheol finishes his statement, or joshua wouldn’t have been able to think clearly for even a second.

“fine,” joshua grumbles, grabbing his phone. “i’ll text junhui.”

* * *

any call just a few minutes past midnight scares seokmin only by a little bit. it's always either seungkwan drunk crying, vernon having midnight thoughts to share, or, like minghao before, a sudden confession of feelings for anything and anyone.

presenting: exhibit one.

once in ninth grade, a day after seungkwans birthday, soonyoung started a group call. at first, it was just heavy breathing on his end of the line, so seungkwan teased him with a slurred "what is it? are you gonna come out as a furry?".

but, what came out of his mouth instead was an "i like you".

and in respose seungkwan laughed. he laughed harder than seokmin has ever heard him laugh in his entire ten years of friendship with him.

turns out, seungkwan had accidentally downed a shot of vodka his grandpa poured and left on the table, mistaking it for water. afterwards, he decided, fuck it. he'll see what it feels like to be piss drunk.

what it's like? seungkwan could barely even contain his laughter at seokmins text to the group, that merely said "yeah".

seungkwan learns that night that he's the type of drunk that laughs at anything. seokmin learns that night that drunk seungkwan _sucks ass_. both literally and metaphorically.

the only ones in the call had been him, soonyoung, and seokmin, fortunately. the next morning, it was like the call never happened. seungkwan woke up with his first ever hangover, and soonyoung and seokmin with their very own headache, for different reasons, but from the same source.

the two of them swore to never speak of that call ever again in their lives with anyone else but each other.

but as the months passed, it became evidently harder and harder for soonyoung to hide it, and for seokmin to watch as soonyoung tries to hide it. soonyoung's always said that he's over it. that his feelings for seungkwan died with the tenth grade version of him, left behind two years ago, but seokmin isn't quite convinced.

not at all, when he saw soonyoung apply to be part of student council just because seungkwan did too.

not at all, when soonyoung got wasted too one night. when all that came out of his mouth was seungkwan, over and over again when he called seokmin.

soonyoung isn't over seungkwan, but seokmin cant seem to do anything about it.

it seems that alcohol has been both a blessing and a curse to their relationship.

and tonight, those memories are flash before seokmins eyes when junhuis name flashes across his phone. his heart drops to the lowest pits of hell and his head begin to spin.

wen junhui. so much mixed feelings about him after the events of today.

so seokmin picks up. "hello?"

"tell me why your boyfriend just sent me a three paragraph message that boils down to just one question. _"_

"m-my boyfriend? what do you mean? what question?"

junhui sighs. "joshua, stupid. he asked me if we were dating?"

if they were...what?

seokmin slowly feels the laughter building up in him. it starts off as a little chuckle, then it slowly progresses to a steady laugh, then a hearty one, until finally, seokmin nearly falls off his bed from laughing so hard. junhui mirrors his actions on his end of the call, laughter resonating from the speakers of his phone.

"dear god," seokmin wheezes, "he thinks we're- oh my god!"

"dude i don't even know what to say," junhui giggles, "like...how did he even get there?"

"ah, well,” seokmin sighs, smiling. "soonyoung posted a story, and we were in the background."

“like, when we cuddled? _that's_ why he thought we were together?"

"apparently," seokmin laughs.

"god, i'm starting to think you should just date me instead of that dumbass."

seokmin snorts, "you're literally aromantic. and i don't like joshua."

"you don't?"

he doesn't?

for some reason, seokmin doesn't instantly say no. he gives it a thought; does he really not like joshua? but what would explain the weird feeling he gets whenever joshuas mentioned? or the urge to bring up joshua into the conversation even when said conversation has nothing to do with him?

"i don't know, honestly." seokmin shakes his head. "i'm gonna go to bed though. tell joshua he's really fucking stupid."

"will do, baby," junhui coos. "love you, sweet dreams."

seokmin rolls his eyes at the kissy noises junhui makes. "love you too junnie. get some sleep."

* * *

"junhui's aromantic!"

"i told you!"

"guys, stop fighting!"

"no!"


	10. seokmin is entranced by his friends' hidden talents

classes are cancelled! yay!

well, for student council members and a select few, at least.

just the day before, student council had chosen some other students to do volunteer work to help them prepare the vocal competition setup they had for the cafeteria. if it weren't for seungkwan and soonyoung electing him as a third mc, seokmin would've forgotten that the competition's today, and he would've had to sit through three and a half hours of classes.

thank god the mcs for the event got cue cards. he hasn’t looked over their script a single time since it was given to them a week ago.

"why didn't you sign up?" soonyoung asks.

seokmin sets the sound system onto the table. “i’ve got other things on my plate."

"like what? unfinished business between you and minghao?" seungkwan joins.

seokmin rolls his eyes. "there is no unfinished business between us. what happened wasn't haos fault."

“alright,” seungkwan hums, "by the way, did you know jihoons doing a self produced song?"

"what? no way."

"yes way. i googled the song and nothing came out, so i asked him about it," seungkwan says. "it's called what kind of future. has he shown any of you guys?"

“no.” soonyoung squints. "weird how he decided to debut it during a school event out of everything else."

"i thought he hated school events?" seokmin asks.

soonyoung shrugs, "maybe he felt bad because he suggested it."

seokmin cant stop theorizing about jihoons performance the entire time they're setting up. would the song be happy? sad? considering the title, seokmin has a feeling it isn't a very happy song, but if so, who could jihoon have written it about? seokmin's never even heard of jihoon dating anyone in his entire life.

"what?" seungkwan snaps him out of his trance. "thinking of joshuas stage?"

"you wish." he shoves seungkwan. "i was thinking of jihoons."

seungkwan clicks his tongue. “well, he may be bitter, but his songs are a work of art."

"yeah. i'm just scared of what it means."

"what it means?"

seokmin shrugs. "just...i cant figure out what would make him write songs like…you know.”

"like downpour?"

" _especially_ downpour."

seungkwan purses his lips. "i don't know. he's quiet."

his next line resonates in seokmins mind, all the way until the cafeteria is finally filled with students released early from their classes for the event.

_"maybe there are just some things he keeps to himself."_

* * *

seokmin starts off their introduction with a dramatic “ladies and gentlemen, they call us..."

first, seungkwan starts off. “boo!"

then, seokmin. "seok!"

and finally, soonyoung finishes it, full of energy. "soon!"

the crowd of ninth to twelfth graders gives them a round of applause after their introductions. seokmin shifts his weight from one leg to the other repeatedly as he scans the crowd for his brother. the younger never attends and goes home without anyone noticing him slip away (or, at least, he _thinks_ no one notices him) and seokmin’s set on changing that this time.

seokmin eyes every face in front of him, but he doesn’t see chan. he looks to the area behind the crowd, and doesn’t see any sign of a person sneaking away from the event.

he looks at where his friends are all gathered.

oh!

seokmin’s surprised to see him timidly standing off to the side with his friends. his glasses rest lightly on the bridge of his nose, something that instantly reminds seokmin of minghao. of course, chan's sitting on one of the canteen benches between minghao and jihoon, using the table behind it as a backrest while minghao looks onto him with a fond look. of course it’s him. seokmin holds back from sighing in their direction.

seungkwan introduces the first contestant, a guy in his and seokmins grade. when they move to leave the stage area, seokmin catches seungkwan giving him a high five and whispering “good luck”.

seokmin just barely catches soonyoung roll his eyes at the corner of his peripheral vision.

they go to join their friends, seungkwan walking in front of both soonyoung and seokmin. he itches to ask soonyoung about seungkwan and his ‘newfound’ friend. if anyone should know, it's soonyoung. but at the same time, something about soonyoungs eye roll is pleading for him not to bring it up.

besides, it’s not a secret that seungkwan’s social circle practically spans across the entire globe. why would this be a surprise?

seokmin sits down next to joshua. "you ready?"

joshua snorts. "not really. i've never done anything like this before."

seokmin hums, "i didn't even know you could sing."

"yeah, well. i'm just full of surprises aren't i?" joshua wiggles his eyebrows. seokmin punches his arm in retaliation.

seokmin glances to his left to see jihoon and chan talking to each other. he cant make out what they're saying, but chan's smiling harder than he does when he gets a perfect score on his history test. seokmins leg begins to bounce up and down as he turns his head away from them.

on the table in front of him and joshua is soonyoung with his back towards them. he's looking down, most likely at his phone, waiting for the current stage to end. seungkwans sitting right next to him, but he's not on his phone like soonyoung is. he's watching the performance. his _friends_ performace.

"do you know who's performing right now?" seokmin asks joshua.

joshua shrugs. "no clue. isn't he in your grade though?"

"maybe." seokmin squints. "maybe..."

the stage ends with an immediate round of applause from the audience. seungkwan practically jumps up from his seat to give the guy a brief hug, congratulating him and showering him with compliments.

soonyoung is still on his phone, scrolling aimlessly through his social media timeline.

"i'll be back," seokmin tells joshua before getting up.

seokmin stops beside soonyoung to place a hand on his shoulder. "let's go."

soonyoung looks up at him. the absence of something leaves an uneasy feeling in seokmins chest, but soonyoung gets up anyway.

when they reach seungkwan, soonyoung grabs his arm. "you have a segment to do."

"oh, right," seungkwan offers a sheepish smile. "later, bin.”

bin? _who?_

bin gives seungkwan a wave before they part. seokmin barely registers the fact that they're hosts again for the time being as thoughts of seungkwan, soonyoung, and whoever the fuck this bin guy is plagues his mind.

he glances at soonyoung on his right as he speaks. he sounds as energetic and as excited as always, but up close, seokmin senses there's something missing. there has been, really, since seungkwans interaction with bin.

could it be that soonyoung harbours lingering feelings? even if he swears they died years ago?

seokmins thoughts are cut short as he's ushered off the stage by seungkwan. on their way out, seokmin gives wonwoo a slap on the shoulder. "you've got this, starboy." is what he tells wonwoo before leaving him the stage.

even from afar, seokmin can tell wonwoos nerves are on fire. he sees his hands tremble as they reach up to hold the mic on the stand, but all of a sudden, they stop once wonwoo averts his gaze from the judges table to the left side of the cafeteria.

mingyus going absolutely crazy somewhere behind him; seokmin can hear him perfectly. wonwoo's looking at him, mingyu, and minghao, all grouped up in the same corner of the area.

wonwoo takes a deep breath, audible thanks to the mic, and closes his eyes when the bass lines come in.

once his voice begins to flow into the mic, amplified by the speakers set up, mingyu, vernon, and junhui loses their shit at the same time. minghao squeaks a bit too loudly, amplified by vernon squeezing his arm way too tightly. joshua lets out a noise of wonder next to him. seungkwan and soonyoung share a look. chan and jihoon look content.

but, someone's missing.

"where's jeonghan and seungcheol?" seokmin asks.

"skipping. i think they're upstairs," joshua says, "they told me to text them when i'm going on so they can come down."

"oh." seokmin nods. "okay."

wonwoo's turn passes by in a flash. seokmin suddenly feels jealous of minghao, who can probably get wonwoo to sing it for him as much as he'd like. the mcs, unconsciously walking in a line, trade fist bumps with wonwoo as they erupt into a chorus of "yeah"s. right before seokmin enters the stage area again, he hears a soft thud behind him and mingyu's faint rambling.

"ambrosia for the gods," soonyoung sighs dramatically, shaking his head before staring off into the distance.

"truly," seungkwan mirrors him.

seokmin puts on his best bewildered face for comedic effect. "well, stunning performance by jeon wonwoo. next-"

_introduce lee jihoon, original song (what kind of future)_ , the card says.

"lee jihoon, with his self-written song, what kind of future!" seokmin announces. the pride now begins to settle within him.

seokmin's been friends with jihoon for a long time, and this is the first time he's seen jihoon step out of his comfort zone. his music used to stay hidden within his laptop, stashed away in a folder he'd protect with his life. once, junhui accidentally stumbled upon it while looking for a picture he took on jihoons laptop, and he got himself banned for the next three months with a full month of snide remarks about privacy invasion from jihoon.

even junhui, who everyone knows jihoon trusts the most out of anyone else in his life, was someone he kept his work away from.

when seokmin sees jihoon there, standing in front of a relatively huge crowd, scared out of his wits and shaking to his core, but still strong anyway, seokmin cant help but embrace the blooming pride in his chest.

"this is for my friends. specifically lee chan, who helped me finish the lyrics for it."

lee chan?

the majority of the cafeteria crowd turns their heads towards where their group was gathered. seokmin looks back at chan, in a state of total shock, as clearly displayed on his face. minghaos mouth slightly open as if he had something to say, but hasn't quite found the right words yet.

seokmin makes eye contact with chan. he mouths, _"we need to talk."_

chan just glares at seokmin in return.

"your brother is friends with jihoon?" joshua asks.

"i don't even know," seokmin replies, "i've never been this confused in my life."

despite the confusion and the mood of the situation, the first piano notes of the song start playing, and seokmin sucks in a deep breath. he sees dark blue, violent, and a tinge of golden while his heart aches for something he isn't even aware of.

when the first line hits, jihoons voice doesn't shake or waver. not even for a single second. his voice flows like the wind through a field of flowers; gentle and soothing. his hand grabs the mic on the micstand as if he'd been blessed with the grace of a deity, and the pride in seokmins chest swells so hard it turns into tears.

"oh my god, do you need a tissue?" joshua panics.

"n-no," seokmin chokes, "just proud. just...so proud."

seokmin's fully aware that he's silently sobbing, and the aftermath of it would likely be on full display for the student body to see, but he couldn't care less in the moment. he's not even sure why he's sobbing, because he can barely hear the lyrics over his screeching thoughts of pride. maybe it's just seeing jihoon make progress with something that seokmin knows he loves. or maybe it's seeing jihoon get all the praise he's deserved since the beginning. or maybe it's simply just seeing jihoon, up there.

joshua rubs circles into his back to calm him. "you're very emotional aren't you?"

seokmin huffs out a laugh through his tears and clogged nose. "shut up shua. i'm a very sensitive person."

joshua smiles. "i know."

the song comes to an end, the melody coming full circle, and jihoon receives an enormous round of applause. seokmin's still clapping as jihoon leaves the center, catching seokmins hand in prolonged high five when they cross each others paths.

"this is the first time i've seen seokmin cry that hard over a song," soonyoung begins, raising some laughter from the crowd.

"onto a happier note, here's joshua hong with seventeen!"

joshua's met with the entire crowd going insane. seokmin spots a group of girls on the other side with their phones in hand, cameras pointed at him. although everyone's cheering at the same time seokmin can pick out jeonghan's distinctive voice from the rest of the crowd, all the way at the back.

or, in simpler words, jeonghan cant scream. what seokmin's hearing right now is just jeonghan speaking louder and higher than he usually does.

"hi guys," joshua says, a charming smile on his face. "just wanted to thank my friends, jeonghan, seungcheol, and seokmin for their support."

“man shut up! don't make me cry before you even start!" jeonghan calls out from afar. seungcheol's knees give way as he bursts into laughter along with everyone else, holding onto jeonghans shoulder for support.

warmth seems to be todays key word. november brings an unbelievable chill, despite the month having just started, but seokmin barely feels the numbing in the tips of his fingers. the warmth encapsulates his chest, his face, up to his ears, and it feels like home to him.

seokmin stares fondly at joshua, who starts the song off with his honey-like voice. his voice is merely just background music as seokmin thinks of his brief, beginning ment. he thinks it’s sweet how joshua takes the time to mention his friends, but what else did he expect? his friends dub joshua as the century's top gentleman whenever they get the chance to, anyway.

seokmin barely catches joshua making eye contact with him while he was lost in his thoughts. the older smiles at seokmin, sending yet again another wave of warmth through seokmin.

it’ll be a while before the event ends, and he gets some time to talk to joshua. seokmin sits back, cue cards in hand, with all the happiness in the world.

* * *

the door shuts. “hey.”

chan stops in his tracks like a deer caught in the headlights. begrudgingly, he turns around to face seokmin.

“we need to talk, really,” seokmin says, “wait for me at the dining table.”

chan lets out a loud groan, but walks towards the table anyway. seokmin makes a quick stop at the kitchen fridge to grab a small carton of milk. seokmin sets it down on the table before sitting directly across chan, who's leaning back on the chair with his arms crossed over his chest.

seokmin feels like a parent about to lecture his child.

but he isn't, with how he starts their conversation.

"so...you and jihoon, huh?"

chan snorts. "what?"

"you helped him write the song?"

"n-no," chan says defensively, "well, yes, but i didn't even know he was going to call me out like that."

"okay, let's just get straight to the point," seokmin sighs, "i know something's up wit you and him. i won't get mad, i promise. i really...just want to know."

chan sees the exhaustion and desperation in his brothers eyes. he's put up a very strong facade up to now. he just wants seokmin off of his back, and maybe a little part of him wants to calm the curiosity in seokmin.

chan pouts. "you won't get mad?"

seokmin nods, full of sincerity. "promise."

chan takes a moment, sucking a deep breath in. "i know i said i like junhui."

seokmin nods, urging him on.

"i know he's aromantic. it made me feel like shit to keep going after him even if i knew that, so i gave it up."

"okay. how does jihoon tie into this?"

chan looks at seokmin. "you know the field trip my grade went on?"

_oh._

"mom and dad signed your slip...i saw it," seokmin realizes.

chan nods. "i skipped. i planned to go home but jihoon invited me to his house."

"why would he do that?"

"dude, i don't know. go ask him. you're his friend."

"you're his boyfriend."

"well not yet!"

"yet?!" seokmin yells.

"that's not what i meant!" chan exclaims, "okay. anyways. we played video games and drank soda and he drove me home in the end. that's all."

"ah, so that's what happened that day. _jihoon_ was the friend," seokmin muses.

"shut up," chan whines, "you're not mad...right?"

seokmin says, "of course not."

if anything, seokmin's kind of glad it's jihoon. he'd much rather have one of his, albeit, lamer friends, as compared to someone who may be of a higher social status. it's like watching your brother marry one of his best friends; you trust them both.

seokmin knows jihoon and chan are good people, and to him, good people are meant for each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you guys are in for a whole world of pain for the next two chapters <33


	11. seokmin is taken on an impromptu triple date

the first time seokmin’s woken up at nine in the morning on a saturday, joshua was waiting at his door like a lost puppy.

the second (and hopefully last) time seokmin’s woken up at nine in the morning on a saturday, joshua is, yet again, waiting at his door like a lost puppy.

except this time, he brings four other puppy friends with him.

with his hair still unruly and sticking up in all the possible directions known to man, seokmin opens the door. he is instantly greeted by the faces of yoon jeonghan, choi seungcheol, jeon wonwoo, and xu minghao. somehow, in their winter coats and standing in a foot tall patch of snow that’s been resting in front of seokmins front door for weeks by now (thank god side doors exist), they still manage to look like the coolest dudes seokmin knows.

and then there’s joshua hong, with a bouquet of pink flowers in his hands. the stupid pout on his face would be enough to melt the snow all around him, and also seokmins heart.

"triple date?” he asks, giving seokmin his best puppy eyes.

yes, his heart flutters. no, he wont be telling anyone about that.

seokmin groans and turns around, but he doesn’t close the door. his friends let themselves in the house, relishing in the warmth of his heating system. minghao shivers from the sudden rise in temperature; he wishes he could sink into the rough carpet of seokmins floor.

"we're going to the beach!" joshua calls out, "wear something comfortable!"

before seokmin can reply, his mom opens her bedroom door. "is that joshua?"

"mom!" seokmin exclaims.

joshua peeks around the corner. "hi!" he grins, waving.

"oh my god, shua's mother in law!"

then, a rough scream from seokmins room. "wonwoo!"

* * *

seokmins shivering already the second he steps out of the car. he leaves the comfortable warmth of joshuas car behind to waddle his way through what's really only half an inch of snow. seokmins muscles have just tensed up so much that he finds little to no mobility in them.

"please tell me why you guys thought a triple beach date in _january_ was a good idea," seokmin shudders.

joshua says, "well...the beach is empty this time of year. and besides, it's pretty."

_yeah, just like you_ , seokmin instantly thinks.

he hopes he didn't say that out loud.

minghao catches up with them next. he steps out of wonwoos car, parked not too far from joshua, and instantly tackles seokmin into a hug. at least minghao has body warmth. it radiates off him and towards seokmin and vice versa, making letting go hard for the both of them.

eventually, minghao has to let go. that's when seokmin takes a moment to look at his outfit. he's flashy, as he always is, but it's on a different level today.

"why are you wearing double adidas? is this a track suit? you look like a human highlighter." seokmin asks.

"shut up. at least my pants wont be the ones getting wet from the sand," he shoots back, referring to seokmins sweatpants.

seokmin looks down, and _oh shit_ , he's right. the cuffs of his sweatpants are probably going to end up absorbing some water, whether it be from the unfrozen sea, or from grazing the wet ground underneath him. then, he looks at his hoodie, a black one with neon prints on it that he'd just bought a month ago. to get it wet would be the utmost disgrace to his life. he prays joshua wont push him and make him fall onto the snowy sand today.

wonwoo looks around. "where are jeonghan and seungcheol?"

as soon as the question leaves his mouth, they hear faint yelling in the distance. the key word? _yelling_. not screaming. yoon jeonghan still can't seem to scream even if it would save his life.

"my beautiful children!" they hear his voice barely echoing through the parking lot.

jeonghan can be embarrassing at times, and this _is_ one of those times. except, instead of getting embarrassed by him, seungcheol watches over jeonghan from behind with a loving smile while his hands wrap around the folding chairs in the trunk of his car. he resembles a parent watching their child go to school for the first time; pride, fear, but mostly, happiness. it fills seungcheols heart with joy, to see jeonghan so active and happy.

"my hands are cold," joshua mumbles.

seokmin eyes the boy next to him. his gaze drifts from his hands, to his sulking face, then back to his hands. it's freezing, but they still manage to look as soft as feathers. seokmin can't stop looking at them. he's held himself back for too long.

without thought, seokmin reaches to grab joshuas hand, and links their fingers together.

seokmins cheeks flare red, but the weather instantly covers it up. joshua cant get his breathing right for the next few seconds that follow. neither makes eye contact with the other.

next to them, minghao and wonwoo catch sight of the gesture. his lips form an 'o' shape as he turns around away from seokmin to face his boyfriend. wonwoo wiggles his eyebrows at him in return.

"hey." jeonghan slaps joshuas back once he joins the group, "progressed from arm slinging to hand holding, i see?"

"shut up," joshua glares, "i cant feel my fingers."

jeonghan looks at seokmin with a raised eyebrow. seokmin gives him a nervous grin and a thumbs up.

even after being teased by jeonghan (and seungcheol once he caught up) they don't let go of each others hand. even up to when they arrive at the beach entrance. or when the folded chairs from seungcheols car have been laid out. or when the group begins telling stupid school stories from the past month. seokmin and joshua sit with barely any distance between them, intertwined hands hidden behind their bodies that are pressed up against each other.

"i don't know what part of me screams het, dude. i'm gay as _shit_ ," jeonghan gulps his soda.

"right? you're literally making out with seungcheol whenever you get the chance," wonwoo says.

"he is not!"

"oh shit..." minghao muses, "i don't do that. am _i_ a het?"

"you're literally dating wonwoo!"

seokmin throws a tiny snowball in minghao's direction. it hits the thick padding of his coat, but minghao feels it nevertheless.

while he's giving seokmin a scandalized expression, a glint of mischief sparks in joshuas eyes at the sight of them. "guys, i have a game."

"a game?"

joshua nods. "we'll run to the shoreline. whoever gets there last has to be hit by snowballs or wet sand from each of us."

"wet sand?! shua, you're insane," seokmin complains.

"because you know you'll be the last?" he quirks an eyebrow.

"because it's _freezing,_ josh."

"fine," joshua groans. "this is just because your mom made me promise to not get you sick."

seokmin thinks his brain went "hehe, joshua care me". no, he _knows_ his brain said that; the thing he isn't quite sure of is if his mouth had followed suit, because the smile joshua gives him is knowing and playful at the same time, and seokmin slaps a hand over his mouth.

"did i say that out loud?" he asks.

"yes, you did," jeonghan replies for joshua, slapping seokmins back, "keep the pda to a minimum will you? some of us are still single here."

seokmin scoffs, "says the guy who's been literally attached to seungcheol since we arrived."

jeonghan doesn't reply. it's already in the smile he gives seokmin which should be relaying a message, but it seems to have gotten lost in the translation somewhere.

joshua, however, gets it instantly.

"confession", he mouths to seokmin.

seokmin turns to jeonghan, mouth opened.

thank god seungcheols preoccupied with his conversation with wonwoo.

"eat snow," jeonghan says.

"...you mean eat shit?"

"yeah, but festive."

"christmas was last month though?"

jeonghan blinks. "for once, i'm really glad you two aren't dating."

joshua slings an arm around seokmins shoulders and pulls him close. for warmth, he says. to spite jeonghan, is what he really means. seokmin believes him. warmth does spread throughout him again, like it always has with joshua.

a bottle of wine appears in the small gap between joshua and minghaos seats. the two share the bottle as conversation continues.

while wonwoo tells them about his economics presentation, jeonghan tries his best to listen in and follow along, but all his attention is focused on the light hand on his knee. he evidently gets quieter and quieter as the conversation progresses. seokmin notices; he tries to hide his smile.

"what about you han?" seungcheol asks. "don't you take econ too?"

but jeonghan doesn't respond. he stares at seungcheol, quiet, thinking, and most of all, nervous. is this the perfect moment? are his muscles even going to work the way he tells them to?

he stands up abruptly with his hand wrapped around seungcheols wrist as he pulls him away from the group. despite the temperature, jeonghan feels his skin grow hotter under his clothes.

as joshua watches his two best friends link both hands as they face each other. he thinks, oh god, _this_ is where jeonghan experiences his first rejection. it wasn't that day in research writing all those months ago, it's _now_. he wants to look away, shield himself from impending collateral doom.

but it never really comes.

joshua should've expected just that. after all, it _is_ jeonghan and seungcheol.

with those two, things always seem to almost go wrong. jeonghan's confident, but only for the few seconds before said event _actually_ happens. and as for seungcheol? the guy's just nervous and clueless. _all the time_.

yet somehow, in the end, they work it out.

"is that why you approached me on my first day?" seungcheol asks.

jeonghan nods shyly. "yeah..."

seungcheol smiles. "dummy. you're lucky i like you too." the statement makes jeonghan whine, hiding his face.

while seokmin watches from afar (with wonwoo, minghao, and joshua freaking out right in front of him), he can't help but think of joshua. stupid, charming joshua who just wont leave even if he already had a million chances and a million more reasons to. seokmin imagines him and joshua in seungcheol and jeonghans position, and he thinks, _hey, it might not be so bad._

only then does the realization hits him.

oh god.

he needs to tell seungkwan and soonyoung. he needs to tell his parents. he needs to tell chan too!

"give me a moment, my mom's calling guys," seokmin says hurriedly.

he sneaks away just in time for jeonghan and seungcheols return. he waddles towards the entrance of the beach, shakily pressing the call button on the group chat with him, seungkwan, and soonyoung in it.

the line rings.

and rings.

seungkwan picks up first.

"hey," seungkwan says, "how's the triple date going?"

"you knew?" seokmin gasps. "wait- no. not the point. guys, i just figured something out."

"what?" soonyoung asks.

perfect, he's on time!

"i like joshua."

and the call erupts into laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LIEDDDDDDD here's another fluffy chapter
> 
> are you ready? jeongcheol starts next chapter and its . not the fluffiest thing i've written <3


	12. seokmin and joshua are tangled between two sides (part 1)

seungcheol still remembers the first time he fell in love with jeonghan.

it was a monday, around two in the afternoon. seungcheol sat on a chair in his new schools lecture hall. he watched as the twelfth grade student body began to gradually pour in through the narrow doorway. he shuddered. he didn't know anyone, so he took out a notebook and began to doodle on the pages, as if it could shield him from the onslaught of people coming in.

he'd cleverly chosen a seat at the far left end of the room, so no one necessarily had to sit next to him, and he wouldn't be in the way of a group who just wanted to sit with each other. seungcheol hid his face even if he's not sure if anyone was looking at him.

once the lecture started, seungcheol heard ms. yang's piercing voice silence the crowd. he should be listening, but he was so nervous about the stranger sitting on his right that he couldn't find it in him to lift his pencil off the paper for more than five seconds.

so doodling it was, all through the lecture. even up until someone says something about _group work_.

but seungcheol didn't get up. he wouldn't.

until some asshole came up to him and tapped him on the shoulder.

seungcheol flinched at the contact. shit, he thought he was invisible.

he looks up to where the tap came from, and-

oh.

holy hell. would you look at that.

it was the prettiest boy seungcheol's ever seen in his entire life.

then pretty boy chirped, "hi, need a group?"

need a group? was he joking? seungcheol would even start participating in group work if he got grouped up with this boy all the time.

seungcheol blinked, mouth dry. "uh, i guess so?”

"cool!" he exclaimed, smiling. "my friend joshua and i wanted to invite you to join us."

then the boy pointed somewhere along the row behind him. seungcheol scanned the row behind him until he finally caught sight of another boy who offered him a two fingered salute. he nodded in response.

he eventually agreed to working with said pretty boy, whose name he soon learned was yoon jeonghan, because the feeling seungcheol got in the pits of his stomach made him want to chase jeonghan no matter how long it'd take.

at first sight, seungcheol falls in love. hard.

but five months later, when seungcheol first said yes to a relationship with jeonghan, he didn’t consider the way jeonghan would push everyone away for hours upon hours and come back like nothing happened.

or the way jeonghan has moments where he wants to be in control and moments where he doesn’t.

or the way jeonghan runs from all his problems the same way sheep know to run away from wolves.

the jeonghan he knows now is different from the jeonghan he first fell in love with.

seungcheol doesn’t consider the fact that jeonghan is as confused about his entire life as he is about their relationship.

he quietly says. “we should just break up.”

he doesn't want to, obviously. it should be evident in his tone. breaking up is the last resort of numerous sleepless nights, pondering the eventual fate of their relationship if seungcheol didn't do _something_ soon.

it'd hurt less for both of them this way.

when seungcheol feels their time is up, it's a quiet afternoon in march. he sits next to jeonghan on his porch, their gazes fixed onto the empty road in front of seungcheols house as the sun starts to dip under the roof of the house right across the street. _it's unfair_ , seungcheol thinks, for him to be making the decision to break up just like this, even if jeonghan hasn't really done anything wrong. he just feels like the relationship's lost it's spark. like jeonghan's lost his spark. and he has, for a while, at least.

they've only had three months with each other. how had it all gone downhill so fast?

even after his words, seungcheol notices that the air around them doesn’t get any tenser (how could it, with how tense it already is?). he turns to look at jeonghan sitting next to him, but the other doesn’t look back at him. jeonghan looks ahead. he’s not sad. not angry.

he just looks...empty.

he looks more tired than seungcheol’s ever seen him in his life, and it scares him.

“okay,” is all jeonghan returns.

then, finally, he turns towards seungcheol, but it doesn’t feel like the other is looking at him. his eyes don’t hold the same glint of life that seungcheol’s caught since they first met in that lecture hall, and when jeonghan presses one final kiss onto seungcheols cheek before taking off, he doesn't feel the electricity coursing through him. what good is a relationship if the feelings are gone, and the commitment is barely there?

_commitment? they're seventeen and in high school. what commitment?_

seungcheol wants to yell at him to come back, or at least to let him drive him home so that he doesn’t have to walk, but he's frozen, glued to the ground. his muscles fail him as jeonghan disappears down a right turn, and this time, seungcheol doesn't know if he can ask if he got home safely or not.

only then, does seungcheol break down.

it’s faster than he’s ever imagined or anticipated. in all the movies he’d watched, break ups were meant to be slow. painful. excruciating. so why was his so fast? so anti-climatic? so passive? how did it all happen so quickly? why didn't jeonghan even put up a fight?. why did he just accept it, get up, and walk away?

does jeonghan not care?

seungcheol shakes his head through his tears. no, jeonghan wouldn’t. not after everything they’ve been through together. jeonghan couldn’t. he hopes, at least, that jeonghan couldn’t, even if he did want to.

seungcheol hopes for at least a sliver of empathy from the other, who’s already long gone by then.

* * *

jeonghan's expected to not show up at school the next day. joshua must know about what happened, right? jeonghan must’ve told him.

sliding the homeroom door open, he fully expects to see their table completely empty.

what he gets instead is joshua in his seat, feet propped up on the table.

and right next to him, in his own seat, is yoon jeonghan.

“cheol!” jeonghan greets, perking up. “just in time.”

_what?_

seungcheol finds himself speechless at the door, mouth opening and closing multiple times before he finds it in himself to quietly shuffle his way towards the two. ironically, jeonghan’s acting normally. way too normally for seungcheols liking. he gives joshua a questioning look, but all that he gets in return is joshua avoiding eye contact with him.

"let me get a drink first, i'll be right back," seungcheol excuses himself.

"i'll come," joshua says. "you want anything han?"

jeonghan shakes his head. "nah, i'm okay."

_you are?_

at the vending machines, things have never been so awkward between joshua and seungcheol. the tension could literally be cut with a knife there as they both inserted their bills into their respective machines.

joshua clears his throat. "i heard."

_oh._

"and i want you to know that it's not your fault."

_...oh._

it shatters seungcheol. inside and out. he wasn't planning on crying today, after draining himself before bed for the past two days. his eyes are so dry and so puffy that when the tears spill this time, his eyes sting at the sudden flow of hydration.

"hey," joshua says with a hand on his shoulder. "cheol. it's not your fault, i promise."

seungcheol shakes his head, eyes closed. "i hurt him," he whispers, "i hurt him even though i knew he was vulnerable."

"staying would've just hurt him more. we both know that," joshua tells him, "he loves you, you know? more than anything in the world. he just needs time for himself right now."

time for himself. right now. just for now. there'll be an end to it, right? jeonghan would come back.

"does- that mean he might come back?"

joshua nods with a small smile.

"yeah. he might."

* * *

during the month jeonghan and seungcheol spent apart from each other, jeonghan indulges himself in new hobbies. sports; he finds that his stamina is way too low to do anything for more than five minutes. art; he can barely even draw a stick figure. origami; he may be lazy, but that certainly doesn't mean he has the patience.

and finally, driving.

his best friend joshua drives. his ex boyfriend slash other best friend seungcheol drives. his other friend wonwoo drives. god, even his underclassman vernon chwe drives.

so why doesn't he learn how to drive?

it's certainly better than sports. he gets to take himself from one place to another by just stepping on a pedal and paying attention to where he's going. it takes a while, but within a month, jeonghan's going on nightly neighborhood drives with a can of soda in the cupholder and music on the speakers.

meanwhile, seungcheol's cooped up in his room with snacks and drinks as he works on writing notes for his classes.

but suddenly, without so much of a tap, joshua hong slides his window up and climbs in through the opening.

"hey," he grunts, pulling himself through. "jeonghan's just gone out for a drive. thought i'd keep you company."

"so you snuck in through my window at eight fourty three at night!? get out! why didn't you just knock? what if my parents find you?"

joshua shrugs. "exactly, your parents are scary. bedsides, i told you i was coming."

"well i didn't think you were serious." seungcheol rolls his eyes. "why are you here?"

"just wanted to spend time with you." joshua sits at seungcheols desk. "like it or not, you need to talk about... _that_."

" _that?_ why? it's been a month. i've been fine."

"really?"

"yeah."

"we are never ever getting back together by taylor swift has been on repeat on your spotify for two straight days now."

"leave me alone" seungcheol whines, kicking at the air on his bed. "her music is good and it makes me dance."

"it makes you dance?"

joshua smirks playfully.

"okay. show me."

_"what?"_

"you heard me." joshua plays the song on his phone. "let's dance, cheol. tonight's our night."

and so was the next night. and the night after that. and another night after that night. every night would come to be seungcheol and joshuas night. the two of them danced like idiots in seungcheols room, sometimes giggling and sometimes crying into each others shoulders. whenever a happy song came on, they’d jump as if they were hosting their own concert. whenever a ballad came on, they’d turn the lights off and slow dance to the beat of the song.

although it’s joshua he’s holding in his arms, seungcheol can't help but feel jeonghans hands on him and jeonghans skin under his palms. jeonghan haunts him no matter what, but it’s really no surprise, seeing as ultimately, it's him behind all of joshuas actions. he’s the one who sent joshua to take care of seungcheol while he betters himself so he can finally face seungcheol properly. he may need joshua, but seungcheol needs him more than he does.

so while joshua is occupied, he turns to lee seokmin.

“hey,” the younger greets, throwing his legs over the low stone barrier separating the road from the beach.

the last time they were here, the sand was covered with snow and the air was cold, and jeonghan was sure he’d last years and years and years with choi seungcheol.

now the weather’s increased in temperature, and the sand is warm under his feet and so is the sun on his skin. he’s lost the love of his life, all because he lost himself too along the way.

jeonghan just wants to give up and disappear.

but he’d lose seungcheol forever.

an eternity without seungcheol is a fate worse than death.

hands firmly planted onto the stone for support, jeonghan says, “have you heard from joshua?”

seokmin hums. “seungcheol’s...i guess you could say he’s getting better.”

“that’s good,” jeonghan almost whispers.

“what about you?” seokmin asks.

“me?”

how _is_ he doing? how would he tell if he’s better than he was a month ago, if he doesn’t even know who he was back then? could seokmin tell? could joshua, his own best friend since the beginning of time, tell? what if after all this time, seungcheol wouldn’t even take him back? what if he's irredeemable? broken beyond repair?

what if he’s already lost seungcheol for good?

“fuck,” jeonghan grits out, fingernails digging deep into the soft flesh of his arms. “i’ve already lost him, haven’t i? what the fuck am i even doing?”

"what?"

seokmin notices the death grip he has on his knees. his fingernails have disappeared under his skin, his chest rises and falls erratically, and his eyes are shut tight, forcing angry tears to roll down his cheek.

“okay. jeonghan, tell me five things you can see.”

jeonghan's eyes snap open. “what? why? what do you mean?”

“come on, try it.”

"w- okay..." jeonghan shakily inhales and begins to look around. the sun, blinding and high above them, catches his eye first. “i...i see the sun.”

_as bright as seungcheols smile._

and then, the birds that dance in the sky. “birds.”

_as mesmerizing as seungcheols eyes._

there’s an outdoor beachside bar to their left with a thatched roof. “the wolfhound.”

_as exciting as every moment with seungcheol was._

a car behind them, parked. “that car.”

_as quiet and as still as the day seungcheol left him._

and finally, seokmin himself. “and you.”

_the only person jeonghan lets in when he's at his most vulnerable._

seokmin nods. “good. how are you feeling?”

“better, kind of,” jeonghan sighs, “what was that?”

“sensory grounding. seungkwan used to use it on me all the time back in ninth grade,” seokmin says. “if i was still panicking, we’d go down all the senses.”

“did it work?”

seokmin nods. “like a charm.”

* * *

jeonghan jumps from one distraction to another as if it were a competition. one hour, he'd be docking half his soju stock at home, sitting and crying on the floor at the foot of his bed. the next, he could be at the barrier of the beach with seokmin, quietly enjoying each others company. he could be driving around the neighbourhood one time, and he could be under wen junhui on his bed the next, both seeking pleasure that couldn't be satisfied by any other. even then, with junhui, his bare skin pressed against his, jeonghan feels nothing, he feels nothing even when he's with joshua. he even _barely_ feels anything with seokmin, but at least with him, he feels the slightest tinge of hope in his heart that his life would be back to normal.

yet, only one fear remains.

that he'd still feel nothing after getting seungcheol back.

"are you going to ask him to get back together?" seokmin asks.

jeonghan nods. "yeah."

"when?"

"i don't know," he says, "i need to get my grades up first. stop drinking so much. maybe actually figure out where i want to go to for college."

"and?" seokmin raises an eyebrow.

jeonghan squints. "what?"

"i know you're...y'know...with junhui."

"what the hell!" jeonghan almost screams, "how?!"

"he sounds exhausted whenever he joins our call after you leave his house," seokmin explains, "so i cornered him."

"disgusting," jeonghan groans, "i can't believe he told you that! no, i can't believe you _pried_ it out of him!"

seokmin laughs. "don't worry. i won't tell."

jeonghan sighs in relief. "good to know."

"but...how good is he?"

"i'll call your mom, seok!"


	13. seokmin and joshua are tangled between two sides (part 2)

its eleven o'clock at night when seokmin hears the faint clatter of aluminum against ceramic and the foulest of curses from the lips of none other than lee chan.

he groans and throws his covers off of himself before stalking his way towards the kitchen. all the noise chan's making is keeping him from sleeping and seokmin can barely handle another minute of it. what was he even doing? shouldn't he be asleep?

"chan, what the _fuck_ are you doing?" seokmin grumbles, arms crossed as he leans on the doorframe of the kitchen.

"hyung," chan says, "toothpaste for burns right?"

his younger brothers stance makes sense now. his face is scrunched up in pain, and his right hand dangles in the grip of his left. there's a blooming pink mark right below his wrist, and although seokmin's vision is still mostly blurry from the swift change of lighting, it awakens his fight or flight instinct.

although he's not quite sure why he gets the urge to punch chan just because he has a burn mark on his hand.

"wait here," seokmin quickly says.

he dashes into the bathroom just a little further down the hall, past his bedroom. he snatches the tube of toothpaste from the sink table, knocking over a pack of cotton balls in the process. it's no big deal, he'll just pick them up later.

seokmin squeezes out a moderate amount onto chans pointer finger and lets him apply it himself. with chan occupied, seokmin takes a moment to observe his surroundings. the kitchen is relatively neat for someone who is baking for the first time. he expected flour on the floor and eggshells all over the counters, but the only trace of flour (cocaine?) he sees is a small, horizontal dash on the counter. all of the eggshells are even neatly thrown in a bowl next to the strip.

then, seokmin looks at the culprit of chan's burn mark. the black, metal tray that came with the oven they bought. six cookies rest on a sheet of baking paper neatly trimmed to fit its surface area. seokmin can feel their heat just from standing next to them.

"why are you baking cookies? at eleven of all times?" seokmin asks.

"uh, spur of the moment," chan responds. he doesn't look up at seokmin, pretending to still be soothing the burn on his arm. the tone he uses is a one way ticket for seokmin to know he's lying.

"yeah, no way," seokmin snorts, "tell me the truth."

chan sighs, still rubbing on his burn mark. not once did he look up at seokmin. silence falls upon the two. seokmin notices a brown box at the corner of the counter, already half filled with cookies.

chan notices and says, voice quieter now, "they're, uh, for...you know. for...uh, for...jihoon."

ah, of course. if tonight happened a few months before, seokmin would've dropped dead on the kitchen floor the second chan even started on jihoons name. currently, though, seokmin cant even find it in him to pretend to be surprised. it's been a long time coming, and seokmin's just been waiting for this very moment.

seokmin hums. "okay. let me help."

before chan can protest, seokmin grabs the corners of the baking sheet that have curled up and skillfully slides it out of the tray.

"is this your last batch?" seokmin asks.

chan nods. "well, first _and_ last, really."

seokmin grabs a tissue and uses it to place the tray in the sink. he runs cold water over it, listening to the water clang against the thin aluminum. chan is carefully placing three more cookies into the box by the time he turns around while the remaining three are left out on the baking sheet.

"are they good?" seokmin asks.

chan shrugs. "not sure. i followed someones recipe on instagram. wanna split one and try?"

"you're about to give your crush cookies that you haven't even tasted beforehand?"

"that's why we're trying it right now."

seokmin smiles. chan completely glossed over the first part of his statement.

they don't have to be told twice. the cookie is still hot in his hands, but not hot enough to really hurt seokmin. he splits the cookie in half, watching the delicacy actually _split_ instead of breaking apart. chewy chocolate chip cookies, just the way jihoon likes them.

"is this dark chocolate? jihoon cant-"

"stand milk or white. i know," chan cuts in.

seokmin smiles. again.

one bite of chans cookie and seokmin's in heaven. chan not denying his crush on jihoon may have been the only thing in seokmins mind, but when the chocolate runs in his mouth, awakening tastebuds all throughout his tongue, he barely even remembers who jihoon is. the sweet snack almost feels soft enough for seokmin to think it's cake, but there's a rougher tone to it from the brown sugar that reminds seokmin that it is, in fact, a cookie. for a first timer, chan has done exceptionally well.

at following instructions, that is.

"by the way, can you drive me to his house?"

hold up.

"to where? jihoons house?" seokmin asks, half joking, mouth stuffed with yet another cookie.

"well, yeah,"

oh. seokmin did _not_ expect _that_.

now? at almost midnight?

what is chan thinking?

for a moment, he considers declining, but then seokmin looks at the cookies sitting in the box on the counter and chans pleading face and thinks, jihoons awake until ass o'clock in the morning anyway, and driving with an unusual mission would give seokmin the absolute time of his life. not to mention, excess cookies for the entire fifteen minute journey.

besides, their parents wont be awake until, what? five in the morning? what could go wrong?

so seokmin ends up writing a note saying "chan and i are going for a drive, be back soon!" in case his parents just so happen to wake up while they're out. he sticks it onto the door of their parents' room before he grabs his phone, his house keys, and the car keys. huffing, he ushers chan out the front door. they can deal with the mess in the kitchen later. and potentially two worried parents. and their excuse to being out at midnight.

"what's the plan?" seokmin asks, pulling out of their driveway.

"i'll climb in through the window, maybe throw some rocks before to get his attention."

"you know chan, the more you tell me about this plan of yours, the more my heart wants to stop right then and there."

* * *

seokmin initially thought the drive there is the most nerve wracking thing. oh, how wrong he turned out to be. the version of him that existed ten minutes ago hasn't jumped into jihoons side yard to throw pebbles at his window yet. they could be arrested for harassment. or, trespassing. or, even worse, attempted breaking and entering. or, the worst of the worst, they could be caught by jihoons dad.

seokmin's barely heard of him, but one story on that man from jihoon and goosebumps start to form on his upper arm. he's a war veteran who's finally settled down for an office job, away from flashing lights and loud noises, and it puts his business administration degree to use. it doesn't make the man any less tough, though.

"there's no way he's asleep," seokmin mutters, throwing another pebble, but there's no response.

they continue like that for the next few minutes. although the anxiety of getting caught eats at seokmin from the inside, he still throws pebble after pebble. they roll down the roof of the veranda right below jihoons room and thud back onto the ground. seokmin and chan are about to retreat when, in a flurry of frustration, seokmin violently throws a pebble at jihoons window. a silent crack follows.

only then, do they get a response.

jihoon pulls his window up, whisper-yelling "what the _fuck_?!"

seokmin plays innocent, nervously smiling and waving, "hey hoonie hyung."

jihoon points at him. " _you_."

seokmin motions to chan. jihoon retracts his hand.

"chan? why are you here?" jihoon asks.

“can i come in?" chan asks.

“what are you, a vampire?”

jihoon's an entire floor away, but seokmin can see the faintest hint of a smile. jihoon bites his lip to stop it from growing any wider. the silence takes over for a moment as jihoon seems to be deep in thought, but seokmin knows he's already made up his mind since he first saw chan there in his yard. before seokmin can yell at him, jihoon jerks his neck as a gesture for them to come in.

"not seokmin, though," jihoon clarifies.

oh, for chan to come in, then.

with the help of a ladder and seokmin's loyalty, chan and his cookies safely make it through the window. jihoon's entire room is dark, framed to look as if he were trying to sleep, but chan can tell he's been on his phone in bed for the past hour.

"hyung," chan breathes.

"chan," jihoon says, "what are you doing here?"

“i…i made you these." chan holds out the box.

one thing leads to another. while his brother is waiting in the car outside, music turned up on the sound system as seokmin sings his heart out, chan holds his first love tightly in his arms as they share a box of homemade cookies. chan is leaning against the headboard as jihoon lies between his legs, head resting on his chest. chan's fingers lightly thread through the olders soft hair. jihoon can hear chans heartbeat, but it seems like the other isn't even aware that his heart rate sounds like he just ran a marathon.

"chan," jihoon says, "why are you really here?"

so jihoon can sense it.

it takes chan a moment to answer, but he finally says, "there's something i've been meaning to tell you."

jihoon closes his eyes and braces for the impact.

the next words to leave chans mouth are just as he expected.

_"i like you."_

simple and straight to the point, just how jihoon likes it.

but yet jihoons heart skips a beat and his stomach lurches anyway. he's never had anyone blatantly confess their feelings for him before.

if such a person had even existed in the past.

he’s thankful for the position they're in right now, and the fact that he had chosen to turn his lights off tonight. at least chan can't see the look on his face right now. can't see how the smile on his face flashes in and out multiple times. can't see the thousands of mixed emotions swirling in him.

jihoon's just not quite sure how to feel about this.

he doesn't trust his voice. his throat is dry, and a million thoughts race through his head. he should be happy. he should be showering chan in all the affection he's always dreamed about. chan shouldn't have to be the one holding him in the dark of his room. it should be the opposite.

he whispers shakily, "i don't- i don't get why...why would you?"

"do i really need a reason why?" chan asks.

_well, does he?_

jihoon thinks, somehow, he's right. he doesn't.

if he can love chan, without so much as an inkling as to how and why that could be, then so can chan.

“just…let me love you. we'll go from there one day at a time. sound good?”

jihoon sucks in a shaky breath and closes his eyes. he lets himself fall into chans embrace.

"it's perfect."

* * *

seokmin's fingers drum on the steering wheel as day6's time of our life blasts from the speakers. he nods to the beat with his eyes closed, swaying from left to right in sync with the guitar riffs in the intro of the song. however, before park jaehyung can even start his opening lines, the song fades into nothing, replaced by seokmins ringtone.

seokmin scowls and grabs his phone.

it's joshua calling.

his scowl quickly retreats and a lump forms in his throat.

it’s a call just past midnight. something _bad_ happened. this time, to joshua.

oh no. not joshua. god, not joshua.

he picks up and instantly asks, "shua? are you okay? it's late."

"i know, seok. i know. i'm sorry. i'm just...i couldn't sleep."

joshua sounds exhausted, above anything.

"what's wrong?"

he hears the shifting of his bedsheets. "i don't know. i just keep...thinking."

"about?"

“just…them. what if they never get back together?"

the car's quiet for a moment as seokmin tries to process joshuas words. them; as in jeonghan and seungcheol. get back together; as in start dating again.

then finally, never; as in until the very end.

"jeonghan and seungcheol?" seokmin asks. "nah. they're literally like soulmates."

seokmin tries to keep his tone lighthearted and playful, like the image of him joshua has in his mind. the image that _everyone_ has of him in their minds, really. he's not sure what joshua needs at times like these. he's not sure if joshuas going to consider his optimism insensitive or if a little smile is just what he's looking for, but seokmin places his trust in joshua. he wont snap. he would understand, wouldn't he?

when joshua's quiet for a while, seokmin panics. his brain instantly thinks he's said something wrong, and a sinking feeling whirs to life in the pits on seokmins stomach. but the air is still, and seokmin can hear a pin drop from a mile away, so when he hears the low static hum of joshuas background noise, he thinks that the signal's just bad, or that joshua's accidentally fallen asleep. the other responds just before he can call out his name to check on him.

"i'm scared seok," joshua whispers, "i don't wanna lose them."

"hey, you won't," seokmin says firmly, "i'll promise you that."

"you will?"

"mhm," seokmin says, "i will."

it's an empty promise, above all other types of promises. seokmins words hold no weight and no truth to them, but they mean the world to joshua, curled up under his covers. he's haunted by a hypothetical future where he doesn't have either seungcheol or jeonghan by his side. he has been, for a while now. it takes a moment, but the lulling of seokmin softly singing 50 proof to him over the phone is enough to put his worries away for just one night.

* * *

jeonghan can only take so much time away from seungcheol. by the time jihoon and chan are readily accepting their feelings for each other and sharing shy i love yous and avoiding each other when they pass by each other in the hallways, jeonghan's seen enough to ask seungcheol out on a weekend “date”.

to, none other than, the rooftop of jeonghan’s apartment building.

it’s located in a vague area between the city, and the suburbs: where most of their friends reside and their school is built. the only other city friends jeonghan has is wonwoo with his cool penthouse at the heart of seoul and (can he even consider him a friend?) minghao, only five blocks away from him.

while jeonghan pours his heart out, they come out in the form of words and his tears. seungcheol's quiet, listening, almost as if he isn't there, but at least jeonghan is accompanied by the cool april breeze and the faint hums of car engines on the street below them. there's barely any light on the rooftop, but the old lantern jeonghan brought up with them is enough to illuminate the space around them.

the small flame barely lights seungcheols face up, but jeonghan can see that his eyes are puffier than usual and bags have begun to form under his eyes.

seungcheol may have been the one to leave, but in the end, it just feels like they'd left each other.

"listen, han," seungcheol finally starts, "i still love you. you know i do. but we're very different, you know?"

"different?"

"we're both seniors, but,” he says, "in two to four months, we'll have to part. just like wonwoo and jihoon will with minghao and chan. it's just how it works."

jeonghan swallows. "oh."

"time goes by, and we cant stop it. none of us can. there's nothing to stop me from losing you."

jeonghan closes his eyes.

"i'll be honest. i never wanted to leave you. i mean, why would i? you were everything to me for three months, and you still are."

jeonghan inhales.

“but sometimes, some things just don’t work out, han. they just don’t. i guess we both learned that the hard way.”

jeonghan exhales.

“we are one of those things, jeonghan.”

and jeonghan’s heart shatters, once again, into a million shards, just like glass.


	14. seokmin is brought onto a trip of a lifetime

seokmin and joshua would never come to know the events of that night.

“we’re back together.” they’d been told.

“we’re closer than ever.” they’d been told.

“we’re happy,” they’d been told.

and so, “they’re happy,” they believed.

they spot seungcheol and jeonghan in the physics lab, flicking metal spheres at each other with disregard to the teacher conducting the practical in front of the class. and then at the beach, with no distance between them as the sun dipped under the horizon. and then under the stairwell, just as seokmin had found minghao and wonwoo months earlier.

my, nine months feels like a decade after what's happened so far.

and now, maybe, finally, seokmin gets his well deserved rest.

"honey?" his mom calls out.

or, maybe not _yet_.

"hyung!" he hears chan scream as he runs down the hallway and stops at his door. "hyung! guess what!"

"what?" seokmin groans irritatedly.

"we're going to japan!"

"no way!"

"with joshua and his family!"

with…

with _who?_

with… _what?_

"wait, _what?"_

it takes a while for the gears to start turning in his brain.

cue seokmin being the reason for the pigeons on the telephone lines taking off.

and for two different noise complaint letters arriving at the mailbox that afternoon.

* * *

"are you kidding me, joshua hong?"

turns out, joshua was the one who suggested the idea to his parents.

"what?" he whines, pouting, "you make it sound like you don't want to spend time together."

he's the reason seokmin's in this mess.

"i _do_ , just not when our _families_ are around, stupid."

goddamn joshua hong.

the school cafeteria is humid during the transition between spring and summer. seokmins skin usually gets stickier from the sweat building up the longer he stays there, but he chooses to lounge with joshua anyway. a soft breeze is still left over from the slowly fading spring season; it's the only source of cool air seokmin has. he welcomes the gust of wind and lets it thread through his hair and through his clothes.

"come on," joshua says, "i'm almost eighteen. my parents trust me. we can go around together. just the two of us."

just the two of them?

fuck.

_just the two of them?_

it must have been a mistake for seokmin to use their families as his excuse.

"and leave chan alone? he's upset enough that it's you we're going with and not jihoon," seokmin lies.

he lied. chan's _ecstatic_. seokmin's even heard him scheming a little too loudly with jihoon over the phone one too many times this week. not to mention, he's already shared _three_ different plans of his to get joshua alone with him.

seokmin doesn't even want to think about how much worse the others will be if chan would just give the three he'd been told of away like that.

joke's on chan, though, joshua has done all the work for him already.

well, actually, joke's on the both of them, really. there's literally no way out of this for seokmin.

at his words, joshua whimpers. he literally _whimpers_ like a kicked puppy and attempts to give seokmin his best puppy dog eyes. _he looks hideous_ , seokmin wants to think, but he doesn't. seokmin rolls his eyes and shoves joshua away while on the inside, he wants to punch that look off his face so badly.

he just wants to punch joshua, in general. the guy's face is aggravating! what can he say?

"are you _sure_ this is a good idea?" seokmin asks.

"duh." joshua rolls his eyes. "what could go wrong?"

oh, what? with lee chan present all throughout their vacation? even drinking water could be the start of their downfall.

actually, speaking of their downfall…

it starts even before the trip has even been fully planned out by the two families.

word travels fast in seokmins world. by fast, he means chan would tell jihoon something one night, and jihoon would tell junhui the next morning. then, junhui, after promising jihoon he wouldn't tell a soul, would proceed to tell what's basically the entire cafeteria by noon.

it's been _years_ , and jihoon still believes junhui whenever he says _"i wont tell, i promise"_.

so he’s seated in the middle of eight screaming teenage boys, losing their minds over what might just be the greatest news about him and joshua that's ever graced their ears. mingyu and wonwoo even had the liberty of joining them for today, all because junhui had told wonwoo that the 'news' involved joshua.

goddamn you, wen junhui.

"dude, imagine if they share a room and it has _one bed_."

“oh my god…one bed!”

"honestly, do you have a death wish seungkwan?"

"yeah kwan, have you learned nothing since the vocal competition?"

"shut the fuck up soonyoung. i'm not the one theorizing about joshua slapping seokmins ass in front of his parents."

"what? just think about it! it's funny."

"hold on...do you guys think that maybe this is just a little ploy for their parents to break it to them both that they're setting them up for an arranged marriage type of thing?"

"oh my god! minghao, you genius!"

"first of all, no! what the fuck jihoon? out of everyone? you've been spending too much time with chan."

"i can't spend time with my own boyfriend?"

"wh- gross!"

jihoon high fives junhui with a smile that turns his eyes into crescents. seokmin just rolls his eyes at them, clinging onto vernon, who's been more quiet than the rest of the table this far. seokmin snakes his left hand around vernons right arm and clings onto the boy like a koala bear.

"i only trust nonie," seokmin says, "i hate you all."

vernon hugs seokmin back with his free arm. "yeah. this is baby. must protect.”

"what about me?!" minghao asks.

vernon nods towards seungkwan and soonyoungs direction. they both have their arms thrown wide open, with the biggest, warmest, most welcoming smiles on their faces. minghao, however, grimaces and turns away from them.

"so when's the trip?" soonyoung asks.

"friday, at night." seokmin says.

"aw, they're taking off first," wonwoo pouts.

first?

seokmin gives him a puzzled look. "first? what do you mean?"

"he's volunteered to third wheel jeonghan and seungcheol to some place in indonesia called jogjakarta." mingyu rolls his eyes. "their parents don't trust them enough not to fuck in every hotel room they'll be in, so they literally _begged_ wonwoo to come."

"and like the good friend i am, i agreed." wonwoo grinned.

"wonwoo...that's not something to be happy about," soonyoung remarks, "have you _seen_ them?"

_seen_ them?

"oh soonyoung, sweet, sweet soonyoung, i share six classes with them," wonwoo sighs as a hint of pain flickers in his eyes.

as it turns out, seokmin and wonwoo weren't the only ones with trips planned for spring break. mingyu used to spend all his time with wonwoo, in pursuit of his goal to visit all the corners of korea, but since wonwoo's going to be joining jeonghan and seungcheol, he's planned a backup trip.

a backup trip involving one named boo seungkwan, that is.

the two make up an unlikely pair, but something about them just screams _unrecognized potential_ to seokmin. maybe it could work! who knows? they'd be very proficient in entertaining each other, but the financial struggles that would come...well, that's a _them_ problem, no?

other than mingyu and seungkwan, there's also jihoon and junhui. the chances of them attending the same university had shot up drastically in the past two weeks, so their families decided to go on a trip to jihoons summer home in busan for a while. _to bond_ , they say.

but seokmin can hardly find a reason as to why a bonding trip between jihoon and junhui would be anywhere near necessary.

"so that leaves..." minghao says.

"you," jihoon says, "soonyoung and vernon too."

"oh, hao and i just usually go to cafes and malls anyway," vernon says.

"so me?!" soonyoung exclaims.

mingyu looks at him. "wait, why don't you come with me and s-"

"no!" soonyoung says, a bit too quickly. "n-no, i mean. it's okay, thanks, but i think i'm just going to focus on myself this break."

"you can always join nonie and i," minghao tells him.

"yeah, i could," soonyoung says, "thanks."

seokmin had been so excited and also partially anxious about the trip, but now half of him wants to stay in korea to keep soonyoung company. seokmin could barely imagine him going out with vernon and minghao, let alone his _family_. he'd be lonely, wouldn't he? seokmin doesn't want soonyoung to be alone.

"we'll be home in three days," seungkwan says, "don't worry soonie. you'll see me again before you can even miss me."

soonyoung forces a smile onto his face and nods. it'll be three days of being alone, and seokmin knows how much soonyoung _hated_ being alone more than anyone else. he just really hopes seungkwan keeps his promise of coming back soon. but more importantly, that nothing happens between seungkwan and mingyu while those three days go by.

* * *

before he knows it, the night of the flight had come, and seokmin's loading the last of their bags into the overhead compartment of a plane cabin.

joshua takes the bag in seokmins hands. "allow me."

seokmin snorts. "don't play gentleman in front of my mom. we all know you're just a little shit."

"no she doesn't, she loves me."

"shua, you showed up at my house at nine in the morning to kidnap me. _twice_."

oh, right.

joshua winces. "i forgot about that."

suddenly, chan's behind them, saying "dad got upgraded to business class!"

"what the- how? what the hell?"

chan shrugs. "i don't know. i think they had a vacant seat."

at the same time, seokmin and joshua both peer through the little opening of the curtains that separated the economy cabin and the business cabin.

lo and behold, there was seokmins father, looking back at the three boys while waving and grinning.

_utter insanity_ , seokmin thinks.

seokmin shakes his head. "fuck, i hate it here. who am i going to sit with then!?"

"me." chan says.

"no i'm not," seokmin says, pulling joshua along, "come on shua. i'm with you."

it's comical enough that seokmins dad got his seat (and his seat alone) upgraded to business class without telling anyone.

it's funnier to see chan trying with all his might to not fall asleep on the shoulder of joshuas dad, who is currently sipping on a little cup of water while his eyes are fixed onto the monitor in front of him.

_hah!_ seokmin thinks, _serves him right. at least he’s spending time with his future father in-_

hold on a second.

seokmin physically shakes his head in an attempt to erase his previous thought. what the hell was he thinking? _father in law?_ jesus! he's sixteen! what kind of sixteen year old thinks of marrying their high school...senior...best friend?

seokmin glances at joshua on his left.

thankfully, he’s not awake to see him panicking alone. he took the window seat, and had promptly fallen asleep as soon as the plane stopped touching the ground.

_he's pretty even when he's asleep,_ seokmin thinks.

he smiles to himself.

the flight from korea to japan is short enough that seokmin lasts the entire time without falling asleep. by the halfway point, he sees chan passed out with his head leaning on joshuas dads arm. it would've been a funny picture to snap, but the more shocking thing about the image is that joshuas dad is _also_ asleep on chans head.

it looka natural, to be frank. with how different seokmin and chan looked, people could easily mistake joshua and seokmin for brothers. or joshua and chan. or all of them as unrelated!

"shua," seokmin mumbles, tugging on the hem of joshuas sweater, "we're landing in five minutes."

joshua stirs. "what time is it?"

seokmin hums, "just a little past midnight."

"can't you just carry me to the hotel," joshua whines.

_carry him to the hotel._ seokmin blushes. he would very much like to, if only he had the strength.

seokmin wonders what it'd be like to carry joshua in his arms.

a few rows back, two mothers look upon their sons as one softly attempts to wake the other.

seokmins mom nudges joshuas mom, "hey, joshua's not...particularly _straight_ , is he?"

"oh darling..." she starts. "you should see the living room whenever jeonghan comes over."

* * *

chan's insufferable when he's single.

even more so when he has a boyfriend.

even _even_ more so when he has a boyfriend while he's on a trip overseas without said boyfriend.

"sad you're not sharing a room with joshie?" teases chan.

seokmin grabs a pillow from the bed and flings it at chan. "i just want five minutes, jungchan."

"just go over to his room! it's like, what, two doors down?" chan says.

"why? so you can be left alone and spend _quality time_ with jihoon?" seokmin sneers.

"well, yes, but i also want my brother to have his fun." chan pouts.

seokmin huffs, "what fun?"

it's a ridiculous idea! seokmin tries to refuse with all his might. joshua's probably tired. he even slept on the plane, why would seokmin come to his room and-

not a minute later, he's standing in front of joshuas door. his first is raised halfway and ready to knock on the wooden surface, but he catches himself in time to stop himself.

god, what is he doing? what if he's asleep?

"goddamn lee chan," seokmin growls to himself before whipping his phone out.

**[01:54AM]**

**me:** shua? are you awake?

**[01:54AM]**

**shua <3: **yaaaaaaa

**[01:54AM]**

**shua <3:** im looooneeeelyyyyyy :((((((((

japan isn't on seokmins side today.

seokmin sucks in a sharp breath and closes his eyes. does joshua know what he's doing? he must. there's no way an eighteen year old is speaking in sexual innuendos without their knowledge. there's just _no way_ joshua's that innocent.

but seokmin knocks anyway. once. twice.

it only takes a second for joshua to open the door, hair disheveled and clad in only basketball shorts and a white t-shirt.

oh my god. seokmin might pass out.

"o-oh, i-," seokmin stutters, “um, you look exhausted, i-i’ll come back tomo-"

then joshua whines. he _whines._ he literally makes a noise that makes him sound awfully like a pained animal while he childishly stomps softly on the floor.

"but i'm lonely," he frowns, "my parents are asleep in the other room. jeonghan and seungcheol are asleep too.”

goddamn you, lee chan.

goddamn you, joshua hong.

seokmin finds himself in joshuas hotel room at two in the morning, alone with him. joshua's half asleep when he flops down onto bed in the center of the ro-

the bed.

it's a queen sized bed. (for an almost-eighteen year old who is barely a hundred and seventy five centimeters tall?)

seungkwans words echo in seokmins mind.

_"dude, imagine if they share a room and it has one bed."_

_“share a room and it has one bed.”_

_“it has one bed.”_

_“one bed.”_

goddamn you, boo seungkwan.

with his eyes half closed, and lips still pulled into a slight pout, joshua spreads his arms wide; an invitation for seokmin to enter his embrace. the younger almost blushes at the gesture, but nevertheless, with the joy of a million toddlers, seokmin lets himself fall onto the others chest.

“you’re very warm,” joshua mumbles into his neck. seokmin shivers.

“yeah, well, i should probably get off of you,” seokmin replies. “am i not heavy?”

“nope.” joshua links his fingers behind seokmins back. “not at all.”

so they lay there in bed, seokmin on top of joshua as the younger fights off the drowsiness creeping in. joshua’s warm and just so, so soft. like seokmins favourite cotton blanket back at home. his heart beat softly thumps behind his chest, acting as a lullaby to send seokmin further into his dreams.

but no, he can't.

he's left chan alone. (is that really his main concern, though?)

and he sure as hell _cannot_ be caught sleeping with joshua, _on the same bed._ (ah, there we go.)

“oh god,” seokmin gasps, “i’ve left chan alone.”

before joshua has a chance to say a word (“the kid’s fifteen! he’s fine!”), seokmin’s already up and frantically putting his shoes on. joshua’s never felt this tired in his entire life, and he’s not very fond of the idea of leaving the warmth of the soft hotel sheets, but seokmin barely even spares him a glance on the way to the door. he doesn't want to be apart from seokmin, oddly, so he rolls of the bed lazily and quickly tails him.

so quickly, that he forgets to grab the key card to his room, and doesn’t hold the door open with the doorstopper.

“you’re coming?” seokmin asks, just before he inserts his own key card. “i thought you were sleepy?”

joshua finds himself at a loss for words. “i- i was but- you know. i'm- bored...”

seokmin gives him a skeptical look, but says: “okay.” without a second thought.

when the pair enters the room, all is normal, to seokmins relief. chan is just in bed, covers kicked to the foot of the mattress while he scrolls through his phone on his side. he’s barely covered up in his orange shirt and black shorts, and they hear him mumble something right as seokmin opens the door.

“who are you talking to?” seokmin asks.

“n-no one,” chan says.

“hi seok,” seokmin hears jihoon greet from within chans phone.

“jihoon!” joshua greets back, poking out from the doorframe.

chan screams, pulling the covers taut up to his chin. “joshua! what the fuck!”

“joshua? joshua hong? joshua hong?!” jihoon yells.

seokmin stares chan down. “end that call right now."

“shua you know that you can get seokmin to scream just by-” the line disconnects.

instead of returning to his own room, where he'd spend a lonely night, joshua chooses to stay in seokmins room for a little longer. seokmin learns quickly that night that joshua, a sleepy one at that, sulks whenever the chance to presents itself.

not to mention, also forgetful.

"you left your key card in your room?" chan asks.

joshua's sprawled across the floor, limbs spread out so wide he resembles a starfish. "for the sixth time, yes."

chan looks at seokmin.

"don't look at me! it's not my key card."

"hyung, i don't want him as my brother in law."

"and you wont have him as your brother in law!"

"he won't?"

"i wont?"

"what? w-stop! not the point," seokmin sighs. "shua, cant you wake your parents and get in through the connecting doors?"

"i _can_ , but do i _want to?_ "

seokmin glances at the connecting door to his own parents' room.

"well, he can just sleep here then," chan shrugs.

he shrugged! the little shit shrugged like this isn't a big deal! seokmin's going to chew his little head off him the morning! he's going to do an absolute number on him, he swears to himself.

"i can sleep on the floor," joshua says.

but seokmin interjects with nervous laughter. "no! it's fine, we can- we can share a bed. don't want you to get back pains at eighteen, right?"

joshua blinks. "sure."

chan looks at seokmin.

oh, what a long night.

* * *

they’re having a group dinner on the second night of their week long trip.

**[7:15PM]**

**ddeungkwan:** coming home tmrw ^__^

**[7:16PM]**

**soonold:** fucking fly and get ur ass here i might die if i dont see u within the next 6 minutes

**[7:16PM]**

**ddeungkwan:** _[Picture sent.]_

**[7:16PM]**

**ddeungkwan:** to sate your needs ^3^

**[7:17PM]**

**soonold:** man what the hell nvm

seungkwan is bold, if not dense, and soonyoung is a stellar liar to a dense seungkwan.

seokmin takes off his shoes before stepping onto the wooden panelling of the floor of the restaurant. it’s quiet thanks to the numerous private rooms, he figures. the hallway is almost empty, save for a few waiters alternating between rooms, bringing dishes on trays.

seokmin stops in front of room number three. he slides the traditional japanese door open.

he braces himself for anything as he approaches the table seating six without him.

it’s a low table that leaves no room for any sort of chair. the only layer they get to separate themselves from the hard floor is a rather thin cushion, meant to act as a seat, perhaps. seokmin grabs the one at the head of the table and drags it next to chan.

he’s so busy adjusting the cushion that he forgets to analyze the seating arrangement, only noticing chan next to him.

he looks up.

oh great. he has joshua in front of him too. this is a goddamn recipe for disaster.

“did you get lost?” joshuas mom asks him.

seokmin offers a sheepish grin. “kind of. couldn’t find the building you were talking about, so i had to use an app.”

“glad you made it here in one piece,” joshua says, “did you find what you were looking for?”

seokmin vibrates. “oh my god. yes. seungkwan and soonyoung are going to lose their _minds_. i can’t _wait_ to give these to them.”

“i should just ditch getting jihoon anything, you’re gonna get him something anyway,” chan comments, mouth full of rice.

“swallow then speak,” seokmin scolds, “you’re his boyfriend. get him something. like a pink d-”

“anyways!” chan loudly cuts off, leaving seokmin and joshua two laughing fits at the right end of the table.

“you were gonna get him a _what?”_ seokmins mom asks, wide eyed.

“a pink…d-diary. yeah. a…diary. he’s always wanted one,” chan grits.

his hand quickly moves to seokmin’s thigh to pinch. hard. seokmin yelps, and although his parents (or really, all the adults at the table) were looking in his direction, they are all focused on chan, put on the spot.

“a _pink_ one?”

“well i- he- he has peculiar taste. and besides, he has plenty of black ones. he just…wanted a change.”

chan’s a stellar liar when it comes to saving his neck.

the bruise blooming on seokmins upper thigh will be a reminder of that one moment he almost convinced his own parents that his sweet, smart, innocent little brother was really a sexual delinquent, up to no good with stoic, tsundere jihoon. he wonders if maybe he’ll get the chance to retell this story at a future family reunion, will there ever be one.

seokmin, most importantly, wonders if joshua will be there in his future to hear him tell the story.

* * *

it’s april, but in japan, it might as well be the middle of july. the air here is nothing like korea; whenever he walked the streets back home, the breeze that would greet him would always be cool, like a refreshing drink under the scorching sun.

here though, in tokyo, it’s like you’re a steamed bun going through its cooking process.

“i’m gonna die of heatstroke,” seokmin pants for the tenth time that day.

joshua, walking in front of him, laughs. “you said that 5 minutes ago and you’re still walking.”

seokmin makes faces at the other behind his back. “well i don’t want to be left behind like channie over there.”

chan’s left at a teashop, 7 stores down the road. seokmin can just about picture the amount of tea he’s ordered so far just to keep his spot at the nice, air conditioned store.

honestly, the walk through the streets wouldn’t be so bad if only the road was flat. unfortunately, higashiyama district would never allow for that, _ever_ , so hiking through the semi-crowded streets in thirty degree heat it is.

“there’s a little store i saw on our way down,” joshua says, “i saw something, thought of you, but before i could get it, we had to move.”

_thought of you._

joshua thought of him? oh, joshua was about to _buy_ something for him. like a gift? joshua saw something, instantly thought of seokmin, and wanted to buy it for him.

oh my god.

seokmin’s going to pass out. if not from this, then from the heat.

“w-what is it?” seokmin asks.

just then, joshua slows down a little, opening a window for seokmin to catch up with him. they’re walking side by side now, and joshua points at a little store ahead of them. it’s not an indoor one with bamboo shoots decorating the exterior, like chan’s tea shop. it’s really is just a shop, like any other shop they’d see in the district.

with three other visitors, they pass the doorway. joshua instantly spots what he’s looking for on one of the shelves, but seokmin chooses to look around the place while he listens to joshua, with his broken japanese, buy the item.

japanese architecture is curious. there are many wall dividers that seem to show no purpose, but adds to the overall effect of the place. it’s mostly made of brown wood, but there are structures made of black wood that outlines the interior. he eyes the shelves set in the middle of the store. it’s a souvenir shop, he deduces, from the miscellaneous things on display. there are chopsticks, lucky charms, little cups, braided cords, and even back scratchers, all collected in one woven basket set on the floor.

the atmosphere there is splendid. seokmin can’t find it in him to leave before exploring every single corner it has.

but suddenly, he feels a tap upon his shoulder. “here.”

seokmin turns around, expecting to see joshua, and getting joshua anyway. a soft smile rests on his face as he hands out his gift to seokmin; a red braided cord.

“it’s so pretty,” seokmin pouts, taking it in his hands. “how much was it?”

joshua waves his hand in dismissal. “ah, forget the price. let me help you put it on.”

oh my god!

with the two ends of the cord in each hand, joshua wraps the soft string around seokmins wrist. once. twice. thrice. it’s a beautiful, rich, maroon red colour, perfect against seokmins tanned skin. joshua fastens the clasps on, letting the knots on the ends bracelet finally serve their purpose.

seokmin may come to love this bracelet for more than just its colour, or where it came from, or the symbolism of it, as stated on its card. its gifter, after all, is (and will remain as) one of seokmins favourite people.

and this bracelet will remain as a memory of him, even if he will end up leaving one day.

* * *

"i'm bored."

"it's almost midnight, go to bed."

"i'm hungry."

"once again, it is almost midnight."

"isn't there a ramen place thats open until four in the morning?"

at the mention of ramen, seokmins stomach grumbles, as if on cue.

it's not that tonights dinner wasn't enough to keep him full until midnight, it's just that seokmin cant seem to ever say no to ramen.

and that's how he finds himself in the still-busy streets of tokyo, half an hour past midnight, with joshua, as they hunt the ramen shop down.

"so we turn left later, and we should be there," joshua says.

seokmin barely registers his words, he's shivering and proper _starving_.

the street they're walking through has various, but mostly closed stores on each side. seokmin catches a taiyaki stall closed for the night next to a cosmetics store with it's lights still on. the bright billboards over their heads tint the road with a neon purple hue, and seokmin feels as if he were suddenly part of a retro japanese rpg game.

the cold wind, however, brings him right back to reality.

how the hell are tokyo nights freezing when just that afternoon, he was being baked alive under the sun?

"are you cold?" joshua asks.

with his hands obviously trembling, and voice shaky, seokmin says with all his confidence, "no."

joshua rolls his eyes. “liar. here."

oh no.

it's the first time seokmin takes a proper look at joshua tonight. black cap, black shirt, red flannel, black (adidas, because joshua feels the need to emphasize that whenever he wears this particular pair of pants) track pants, white sneakers. it's so simple, yet it makes him so attractive for no reason.

especially, especially in this light. when the shadow cast by his cap hides his eyes perfectly, and the purple light kisses his skin. with the motion of him swiftly removing his flannel, seokmin thinks joshua is insanely attractive, and it's unfair, more than anything else.

"if you get a cold your parents will probably kill me," joshua smiles, draping the garment over seokmins shoulders.

“what about you?”

“don’t worry, i’m fine. besides, we’re almost there.”

yeah, it was a mistake to go out in only a t-shirt, sweatpants, and slides, out of everything else in seokmins wardrobe. he can't believe chan _let_ him go out like this.

oh, wait.

this is just another one of his plans, isn't it?

"goddamn you, lee chan," seokmin mumbles to himself.

at the ramen place, the pair take their places at a small table for two, off to the side of the restaurant. they're seated on the right of a huge window that allows them to see into the street and how even at this hour, it's still bustling with people rushing towards each of their own destinations.

seokmin sees businessmen, teenagers, women, and even drunk middle aged men as he waits for his order to arrive. he realizes, all of these people are just merely background characters in his own story, but each and every one of them have their own lives, their own story that they're the star of. once out of his vision, their lives go on still, off to whatever fate has been laid out for them, even if seokmin may never learn who they are, or what their fate is.

there are eight billion people in the world who are living their own stories, and the thought of that shakes seokmin's conscience at times.

joshua's the one to snap him out of his daydream (or, should he say, nightdream?) "the bracelet looks good on you."

seokmin glances down at the soft, red material clad around his wrist. joshua's right, it does look good on him, against his skin. it's an insignificant piece of accessory, to most, but quite the opposite to its owner.

seokmin traces it with his pointer finger. "yeah, i really like it. thank you, shua."

"of course," he replies, "thought it could be something for you to remember me by."

oh, right.

it's spring break.

three more months until the school year ends.

three more months until joshua leaves for los angeles.

just...three more months left with joshua.

and yet three months will never be enough for seokmin to first, understand what his feelings towards joshua are. then second, to understand what his feelings towards joshua mean. and third, to be able to convey, wholly and properly, those feelings to joshua.

and even then, he couldn't be sure he's making the right decision. would he and joshua stop talking once joshua moved? would they keep talking? would this sudden confession of feelings change anything between them? would they disgust him? would he feel the same way? would he not? would he even want a long distance relationship? no, those were all too specific. too hopeful. the only question that should linger in seokmins mind is simple.

would he even care?

logically, yes, of course he should. they'd been friends for almost two years, fighting and standing up for each other. been through thick and thin with each other. hell! even got tangled up in their friends' relationships together.

does joshua really have it in him not to care? to cut seokmin off once he leaves? to forget about everything they've gone through?

"you won't forget me, will you?" seokmin asks quietly.

seokmin looks up to meet joshuas eyes. he sees a flash of confusion, then worry, then, for a second, seokmin thinks he sees sadness. it's so brief that seokmin barely catches it before joshua settles on one emotion. he's not sure what to call it, because the ache in his heart and the excitement of university are both present at the same time, but he sees the timid boy sitting across him on a table in a ramen place at nearly one in the morning, and all he wants to do is take said boy with him, all the way to his future.

it’s bittersweet, joshua realizes in the end. nostalgic, almost, to know that this night would be etched into his mind for the rest of his life.

"god seok, i won't. even if i tried, i don't think i ever could."

* * *

harajuku's packed. no matter what time it is, what season, what weather, harajuku is absolutely overflowing with people.

seokmin knows the hand holding his right now is out of fear of being separated, and not for intimacy, but he takes it both ways anyway, feeling joshuas fingers crossed with his as they slip past families, kids, couples, even.

maybe they could be their very own couple.

one day.

maybe.

"aha!" joshua says, stopping at the end of the road. "told you it exists."

oh hell, of course it does.

ever since the trip was first introduced, joshua had managed to slip in a mention of a crepe food truck in harajuku, right at the corner of a four way junction. he'd learned of its existence from jeonghan, who said that the food truck blended in so well with the crowd and so well with its surroundings that, if you hadn't taken a closer look at your surroundings, you would've missed it completely.

"jeonghan lies for a living, you can't blame me for being skeptical," seokmin explains.

joshua nods in acknowledgment. "fair, honestly."

they approach the truck together (fingers still linked). the menu, although unassuming, is big enough for them to see from a ways away. there are so many options and so little space in seokmins stomach waiting to be filled. he's not sure how he's going to be able to stomach an entire serving.

"do you wanna just share one?”

"you're not going to be able to finish one?"

seokmin shakes his head. "doubt it."

"okay," joshua says, "what flavour? s'mores?"

"too sweet. chocolate?"

"too basic. chocolate banana?"

"i got high off a box of tokyo banana last night. what about-"

seokmin gasps and begins smacking joshuas arm out of excitement.

"strawberry!" they both say in unison.

joshua giggles, letting his teeth show and his eyes turn into crescents. seokmin holds back his own smile from getting too wide at the sight of joshua.

once they get their order, joshua's first instinct is to take a picture of the both of them to send to jeonghan. just to make him jealous, he says.

**[5:32PM]**

**me:** _[Picture sent.]_

**[5:32PM]**

**yoon strawberry:** HELLO!???!??!? U ARE LITERALLY IN HEAVEN RN

**[5:33PM]**

**yoon strawberry:** BTW TELL MY SON I SAID HI I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

**[5:33PM]**

**nesw more like nsfw** : YOUR SON??????

**[5:33PM]**

**yoon strawberry:** yes choi seungcheol ive taken the liberty of adopting seokmin as one of our own ^♡^

"jeonghan says hi and that he and cheol loves you very much," joshua tells seokmin, smiling like an idiot.

seokmin rolls his eyes, lips full of whipped cream. "tell him to stop sucking junhuis dick first.”

"i'm not telling him that!"

"fine, tell him i love him too and that i'll bring him some cutlery."

"that’s better.”

* * *

their last day in japan comes sooner than expected. it's well past two in the morning this time, and seokmin has spent the past three hours in bed with joshua, watching television that they barely understand a word of (and accidentally stumbling across a pornography channel). there's nothing much to it, really; it was mostly spent in silence (excluding their screams of surprise and horror at the sound and image of skin slapping against skin), but seokmin feels as if this night could last forever.

an eternity in comfort, with a person he knows he loves.

an eternity in comfort, with a person he's okay with loving.

an eternity spent with joshua, he decides, is an eternity well spent for him.

seokmin rests his head on joshuas chest. "shua."

"hm?"

_i love you_ , seokmin wants to say.

but no.

"i should go back," is what seokmin ends up saying.

"i have a better idea," joshua says, "we spent the first night sleeping together. why not spend the last doing the same?"

full circle, just like how seokmin likes it.

looking up at joshua, faces only mere centimeters away from each other, seokmin sighs and closes his eyes. he lets his head rest onto joshuas chest once more, mapping out each beat of his heart while the older attempts to train his japanese with the television.

joshua's always gorgeous, seokmin thinks. even that first night, with his puffy face and messy hair. then when he bought seokmin his braided cord bracelet. then under purple light, when they went on that midnight adventure together for ramen. then during their crepe date, when he smiled like a fool under the dark blue dusk sky.

and finally, now, with his sleepy eyes still focused on the tv on the wall, and his hand grasping seokmins. he's gorgeous, still. it's why half the school fawns over both him and jeonghan, with the new addition of seungcheol too this year. it's why all the teachers say nothing but good things about him when the opportunity arises. it's why the girls of their school tails joshua around campus during school hours. it's why the entire twelfth grade student body would do anything to gain his acknowledgement.

all of those, explained by one reason, but it doesn't explain why seokmin fell in love with him in the first place.

when seokmin sees joshua, he doesn't see his perfect face and perfect body. no, seokmin sees his tears when jeonghan and seungcheol were on the verge of splitting for good. he hears the tremble in his voice that night he helped chan sneak into jihoons bedroom. he sees the concern on his face when he finds an injured cat on the street and promptly brings it to the nearest vet. he sees the years of hard work etched onto the tips of his fingers to support his grades as he progressed.

the world may see pretty, perfect joshua hong, but seokmin sees both that, along with the uglier sides of him. the sides of him no one else gets to see, hear, or feel.

joshua's real, in the sense that he's human, just like the rest of them are.

and joshua's always there when seokmin needed him, so why can't he do the same?

"okay, i'll stay," seokmin decides.

above him, a tired smile spreads across joshuas face.

**[2:43AM]**

**me:** dont wait up for me

**[2:43AM]**

**me:** im staying in joshuas room

**[2:43AM]**

**chan :/:** mkk

**[2:43AM]**

**chan :/:** say no to sex!

**[2:43AM]**

**me:** LEE JUNGCHAN.


	15. seokmin is too late

it takes a week for seokmin to realize that, no, joshua hadn't confessed in the middle of their japan trip, prompting him to be much clingier and touchier during the second half of it. that was just joshua being joshua. just normal, typical joshua, being sentimental over the little things.

it's in his nature to be naturally flirty, as it turns out.

that, again, is why half the school are head over heels for him.

that, too, is why seokmin could've easily been reading all the signs wrong.

but what signs, anyway? it's not like he's going to act upon them, or his feelings, or the impending stop of the clock when in three days, joshua finally leaves this country, off to america to start the final stage of his education.

there are signs that seokmin sees, and signs that seokmin acts upon. none of the signs he acts upon is from joshua this far.

"hyung! i'm calling jihoon and junhui! come join us!" chan calls from his bedroom.

the house is always quiet. it has been, really, since his parents had to start working longer hours to support the family. seokmin's never been fond of the silence, although chan breaks it often, but there are days when the hallways are just too quiet, and it feels as if he could hear all the dust particles slowly falling down onto the floor.

it's maddening, really. seokmin doesn't know what he'd do if the silence continued, had jihoon and junhui not called.

seokmin quietly makes his way towards his brothers room. it certainly is much cleaner than his, with no dirty laundry thrown all around the floor. chan's books are neatly organized on his table. and all his laundry has been thrown in the basket in front of the bathroom.

"seokmin!" he hears his name being called from the monitor.

chan has his laptop open to a discord tab, where jihoon and junhui are sitting side by side. their background is foreign; what is that? a table? with an overhead compartment? what the hell are the dorms in taiwan like?

"i can't believe you're really spending another four years with junhui. as roommates at that!" seokmin says.

"yeah i'm gonna go fucking insane," jihoon curses, sighing, "our two other roommates are chinese. i can't tell if junhuis talking shit about me or not!"

"junhui, have you been talking shit about jihoon?"

"no," junhui smiles playfully, "don’t worry. guanheng and dejun are really nice. they would never lay a finger on my dear, sweet ji-."

"alright, that's enough," jihoon says, pushing junhuis kissy faces away from him. "i think we're gonna have orientation soon, so we have to go. channie, take care of your brother, will you?"

"yeah," chan says, "love you hoon."

there's a certain edge to chans voice that throws seokmin off. in the place of a genuine “i love you” is an “i love you” that holds various shades of meaning to it. like an onion, waiting to have its rings peeled apart from each other, to reveal the smaller ring inside.

seokmin doesn’t mean to pry, but what the hell were those various shades of meanings?

don’t long distance relationships usually end messier than other relationships?

is chan thinking of the same thing seokmin is?

when the call ends, chan turns to seokmin. “aren’t you gonna study for that national exam you have?”

“i have,” seokmin says. “it’s not that hard.”

“and you’ll get a sixty anyway.”

“do you miss him?” seokmin cuts him off.

the air goes thick and silent. chan looks at seokmin for a while, biting his inner cheek, lost in thought. he does, of course. he knows he does, but he doesn't feel like he has the rights to. after all, it is a long distance relationship. it'll end soon enough. if not because of the distance, because jihoon has found someone better. someone his age, with actual friends, and parents who were there for the most part of their life.

yeah, jihoon would find someone like that soon enough, wont he?

would junhui stop him? remind him that chan still exists? would junhui not care?

who was jihoons anchor when it came to staying committed to chan?

"of course i do," chan says softly, "but i shouldn't, right?"

"what? are you guys having problems?"

chan scoffs and shakes his head. "god i wish, then it'd be so much clearer."

chan thinks, yeah, a fight would be better than whatever this uncertainty was. chan trusts jihoon to tell him when he feels that something isn't quite right, but how is he supposed to do that if he doesn't even realize that it's not right in the first place?

when fear and uncertainty comes into play, distrust strikes. chan maybe over before he even knows it.

but chan just shrugs, brushing the topic off and pushing past seokmin. "it's fine. it's just some boy, hyung. not my entire future."

he lies.

of course it's not fine. the first person, other than seokmin, he feels comfortable with has just moved over a thousand kilometers away from him. he promised that even if he's physically leaving, he'd never leave chan, but what weight do his words have when they've only been together for, what, two months? a bit more?

it's quite harrowing to say, but chan doesn't trust jihoon as much as he'd like to yet.

he can't ever tell seokmin. can't tell anyone. in the end, the blame falls on him. why confess and pursue a relationship with someone you don't trust yet, right?

so chan turns to someone he hasn't thought about since jihoon came into his life.

wen junhui.

yes, the older is known for his nonsensical, but still funny antics. junhui's more of a source for optimism, than someone you'd confide in, but who else, if not jihoons best friend and roommate, would he turn to when no one quite understands his situation?

**[9:30PM]**

**me:** junhui?

**[9:30PM]**

**wen junhui:** omg lee chan

**[9:31PM]**

**wen junhui:** long time no see ;))

**[9:31PM]**

**me:** hah

**[9:31PM]**

**me:** are you free?

**[9:32PM]**

**wen junhui:** you wanna talk?

**[9:32PM]**

**me:** kinda

**[9:32PM]**

**wen junhui:** mkeiii, give me a moment

**[9:32PM]**

**wen junhui:** cant get caught calling my best friends boyfriend alone, can i?

he's jihoons boyfriend.

god he's lucky to have that title.

chan lies back on the bed while waiting for junhuis call to come through. he nibbles on his bottom lip, anxiously glancing at his phone from time to time. he's found junhui attractive ever since they first met, and the older continues to maintain his charming points. the butterflies have never really left, to say the least, even if chan knows he has no more real feelings for junhui.

he's just a hypocrite, isn't he?

* * *

two rooms away, seokmin's on the phone with seungkwan and soonyoung.

"dude, how do you entertain a fourteen year old?" seokmin asks.

there are six tabs open on him laptop at the moment. there's the tab where he googled "how to cheer a fifteen year old up", and right next to it, "fun teenager home activity ideas". the other four, well, seokmin's sixteen, almost seventeen even. what do you think those tabs are?

"i don't know, what do they like?"

"good grades, history, music..." seokmin sighs. "lee jihoon."

"oh my god, it's chan," soonyoung groans in realization, "what's up with him? he misses our little tsunderplane?"

"how is jihoon a plane?"

"not the point, seok."

"i mean, i guess?" seokmin says, "i'm really not sure. i just wanna cheer him up."

"well, you're never too old to enjoy bubbles," seungkwan says.

bubbles?

huh...

on one of his tabs, previously opened to a website that would've probably granted his laptop 10 viruses at once, he searches "how to make bubble solution". a few articles show up, even the infamous wikihow, along with some videos from youtube.

halfway through the video, seokmin thinks, what the hell, there's sugar in bubble solution? then why did it taste so bitter when he and chan played with bubbles when they were younger? should he just buy some online? buy a bubble machine while he's at it?

he barely has any money. what is he thinking?

the kitchen's sparkling clean when seokmin first enters, clutching his laptop, still open in his arms. he sets it down on one end of the counter before preparing a bowl, dishwashing liquid, and a shit ton of sugar next to it. he sighs, pausing for a moment as he looks at the ingredients in front of him.

for chan. this is for chan.

seokmin presses play on the youtube video.

* * *

"psst!"

what the hell.

chan wakes up, not in a cold sweat this time. his room is still dark, but the lights from the yellow lamppost outside his window is enough of a light source to illuminate the intruder.

(thank god) it's just seokmin at the door, poking his head in.

"what the hell," chan says groggily, "what time is it?"

"oh, around four thirty in the morning," seokmin says nonchalantly.

"four thir- what?"

chan snaps his head towards his phone on his nightstand. he turns on the screen, and there it is, four thirty three, in big, thin, white numbers, on the top of his screen. oh how he wanted to just fall back onto his bed and continue with his slumber.

the impatient huff at the door stops him, however. "c'mon, i have something to show you."

"no way," chan groans, “its four in the morning. go to bed. have you even slept at all?"

"uh...yes," seokmin lies.

chan shakes his head. "we're on summer break, hyung. for the love of god, let me sleep until noon."

"but this can't wait!"

"even a starving tiger can wait for a deer."

"well i'm not soonyoung!"

“well-“

well? he has a point.

so chan begrudgingly trudges out of his room. they quietly tip-toe by their parents’ room, careful as to not wake them up. not that it’d make a difference if they caught them awake at this hour anyway, but they were probably exhausted. chan wouldn’t take their precious sleep away from them.

seokmin looks insane; exhausted, but also insane. he’s got a bounce in his step and an excited smile on his face. what the hell has he done this time? he looks like a mad scientist after an entire night of blowing up and burning things in a flask.

and he isn’t really _wrong_ , considering the blue liquid that’s sitting on top of the kitchen counter.

“hyung, what are we? five?” chan sighs.

“well i know what we wont be.”

“what?”

“bored.” seokmin grins.

oh my god.

chan doesn’t really have a choice in the end, given the time of day and the person dragging him into his backyard. the bowl of bubble solution sits on a rotting shelf outside, left to withstand the years and years of harsh weather. there’s moss climbing its way up the legs of the shelf, but seokmin finds a clean enough panel to put the bowl on.

“so i couldn’t make those…circle things,” seokmin starts, “but i improvised.”

the improvisation includes soonyoung, there in the form of his money, his money in the form of a bubble blowing machine on the shelf next to the bowl. it looks absolutely stupid, chan thinks. a red, plastic crab with its claws acting as the bubble generation sites. he fights the urge to sigh for what seems like the sixtieth time this night.

but seokmin pours the liquid into the machine and presses a button, and chan promptly forgets about his tiredness.

the sun begins to rise over the horizon as the first few bubbles make their way towards chan. the soft sunlight bounces off their fragile surfaces, revealing their swirling, rainbow patterns. they look like stars, chan thinks. he reaches out to touch one, and it pops silently, droplets flying everywhere.

“wow,” chan says.

“like it?”

“i mean, yeah! i just- i don’t know.” he stumbles. “it’s- been a while since i felt like…well, like a kid again.”

oh.

well, that's understandable, no? considering their current circumstances. neither has seokmin, though. chan’s far more independent than the mess of failing grades and spending that he is, but unlike his younger brother, seokmin’s burdened with the knowledge that whatever happens to chan would be his responsibility. their parents are often unavailable now, and it’s just the both of them most of the times.

it gets lonely. if not for one, for the both of them.

so they lay on the grass during the wee hours of the morning, watching as the bubbles passed over their heads driven by the wind. the faint hum of the machine whirring almost lulls chan back to sleep, but the sunrise is enough to keep him awake for just a while.

“y’know hyung, you deserve more than just this,” chan suddenly finds himself saying.

seokmin’s gut twists. “this as in…?”

chan shrugs. “i don’t know. maybe it’s out of your control, but it’s not that way for _everything_.”

“what are you talking about?”

chan turns to look at seokmin. “you should tell joshua about your feelings?”

“eh?! are you out of your mind?”

“he’s moving soon,” chan continues, “you don’t know what’ll happen.”

it’s a half hearted lie that leaves chans mouth. there’s no changing fate, even if seokmin confesses. joshua leaves anyway. seokmin’s left behind anyway. they’ll be apart from each other anyway. just like jihoon and chan are. thousands of kilometers away, and it’ll be so much further, so much worse for seokmin.

then what would happen? would they stop talking? if they got together just before joshua left, would their relationship be short lived? what good would confessing do for seokmin? or joshua? or, really, anybody?

seokmin just didn’t see the point.

“you deserve at least that much. for closure.”

seokmin sighs.

“maybe. if i have the time.”

* * *

**[4:47PM]**

**shua <3: **i’m at the lobbyyyyy

* * *

**[5:21PM]**

**shua <3: **are you coming?

* * *

**[5:58PM]**

**shua <3: **seok?

* * *

**[6:04PM]**

**me:** shit

**[6:04PM]**

**me:** fuck shua im so sorry im omw rn

**[6:04PM]**

**me:** please wait for me

**[6:04PM]**

**shua <3: **ok dont worry :( hurry though i'm about to leaveeee

“oh god, oh my god,” seokmin mumbles to himself.

he prays that the engine of the cab is loud enough for the cab driver to not hear him talking to himself. the streetlights pouring in from the window move along his thighs, illuminating the ever so evident shaking of his hands.

he never thought the test would end so late. he'd came in at two, meeting minghao at the entrance, and they'd been told that the test typically ends within two hours.

perfect, right? he'd be done by four, and he'd go to the airport to see joshua off by five thirty.

but now it's a little over six o'clock, and seokmin is still ten minutes away from the airport. there's light traffic on the road ahead, and he wants, so badly, to tell the driver to hurry up, but he cant. he's panicking alone in the backseat, throat closing up while he clenches the paper bills in his pocket.

just ten more minutes. it's okay. there's still fifteen minutes to find and talk to joshua.

fifteen minutes to tell joshua about what he feels.

thanks to chans persuasion and a little push from seungkwan and soonyoung, seokmin decided that, yes, he does deserve at least some closure regarding his feelings for joshua. the latter is movinf anyway. far, far away. and if anything bad were to happen, well, they could just simply cut ties.

but if something good were to happen? seokmin didn't plan _that_ out. it's not worth it; such a small chance couldn't possibly warrant such a big plan.

when the cab slows to a stop, seokmin hands the driver the money and quickly says a "keep the change". he jumps out of the cab, headed straight towards the airport entrance.

he wants to cave in on himself.

there are more people than he expected. families, friends, even plane crew members swarmed the grounds. seokmin has never been alone at an airport before. never felt so helpless. never felt so...

so small.

but that's not the point, no. after passing through the metal detectors, he slips past the crowd to stand in front of the towering flight information screen.

oh no, what was joshua's airline again?

scratching his scalp in frustration, seokmin pulls out his phone. his hands are clammy as they grip his silicone casing, pressing the quick dial for joshuas contact.

the adrenaline courses through his veins with every ring of the line. by the time the fifth ring comes along, seokmin loses hope. joshua never takes that long to pick up.

but in this situation, who really knows? is joshua busy? boarding? already on the plane?

was he too late?

seokmin stands alone in the middle of a crowd. he stares at the big screen blankly, wishing that his eyes would magically point out which flight he’s supposed to be paying attention to. he waits, and waits, and waits, but the words and the codes on the screen stay the same. they’re just numbers and letters.

and then, his phone chimes.

in the process of taking it out of his pocket, he almost drops it onto the floor. his hands tremble slightly as he quickly presses on the text notification from joshua. he’s still online, that means he’s still here! he hasn’t taken off yet. they’re still on the same ground. he’s-

**[6:19PM]**

**shua <3:** seok, i had to get on the plane

**[6:19PM]**

**shua <3: **i’m so sorry

**[6:19PM]**

**shua <3: **we’ll meet again, i promise

oh.

joshua's already on the plane.

oh, wow. that’s a shame. that’s unexpected. seokmin is...

what is he? what is he feeling? what is this feeling?

seokmin pockets his phone and makes his way out of the airport lobby. there are benches built around the perimeter, so he rests on one of them. when he finally gets to sit, his back is hunched, and his legs feel as if they’ve disconnected themselves from the rest of his body. he’s exhausted, even if he's only spent a few minutes standing up.

he’s sitting now, and he should feel relieved from all the tiredness, but he’s not.

there’s a weight in his chest that he can’t shake. he’s _sad_ , but no tears are coming out. why aren’t the tears coming?

he should be crying by now, on display for the passing cars to see, but he just looks stressed with his head in his hands.

joshua's already leaving. seokmin is too late.

oh god, this is it. this is the end of their friendship. once joshua moves, and the things they have in common slowly depletes in quantity the longer they're separated, they'd eventually learn to live without each other. without the burden of having to text everyday and check up on the other.

fate's decided already. it's not seokmins place to alter his own fate. he can't. he and joshua were meant to be short lived. that's just the way it is.

that's just the way it is, and seokmin cant change that, even if he wanted to. god, he could beg joshua to stay but the end would be the same; they'd drift away. they're meant to. its just not written in the books for seokmin to last any more than two years with joshua.

so now what? seokmin's lost his friend, his guide, his crush, his mentor. he's lost joshua, so now what? what comes next? after the airport, where does he go? home, where he'd spend the next hour crying alone in his room? soonyoungs house, where he could drink to his hearts content? seungkwans house, where he knows he'll be hugged until the hurt gets just a little better?

or could he be at the barriers with jeonghan, whose own flight to japan is scheduled in a month? or seungcheol, who decided to go to a university in korea? what about wonwoo, who's still here, waiting for his scholarship funds to arrive before booking a plane to the united kingdom?

will it be minghao and vernon, who'd take him out for ice cream to distract him? chan, who would maybe catch him crying in his room and hang out with him at the shopping mall? maybe even mingyu, who'd take him to a dog park to pet all the dogs they'll see during their time there?

he spent this entire year helping his friends get into their relationships. wonwoo and minghao, and the full month of betrayal seokmin went through. jeonghan and seungcheol, and their month long turbulence that eventually paid off in the end. chan and jihoon, who, really, were the ones who needed the least amount of help.

but now that seokmin's lost joshua, who's goig to be there for him? when he gets back to his part of the city, who's going to be the one who takes the time to pick up the broken pieces of him and glue them back together? who's going to be the one who helps seokmin, just like seokmin's helped the rest?

no one? could it really be no one?

seokmin looks around him. it's stranger, after stranger, after stranger.

he's alone. in his time of need, he's alone.


	16. epilogue

lying is hard, even for yoon jeonghan.

he used to be called a pathological liar by most. even by joshua too, at one point. he’d lie for no reason to anyone and everyone. he’s aware of this, and he wants to stop it, but he just _can’t_. there’s an unexplainable thrill that he gets whenever he lies.

but then he met seungcheol, and his world gets flipped. literally.

it takes jeonghan an entire year of university psychology classes to finally tell joshua and seokmin the truth. the truth of what happened that night, on the rooftop of jeonghans apartment. the truth behind jeonghans ever evident lingering stares and touches when it comes to seungcheol, despite them “being together”.

lying is hard, even for someone who verged on delving into the arts of pathological lying. it's hard, when it comes to people jeonghan would give up his world for.

it ate him up on the inside to carry a burden as heavy as that.

so when he finally broke it to joshua, thank god all he did was hug jeonghan when he finally told him the truth.

but what about joshua? had he, himself, been completely honest to jeonghan?

"have you talked to seokmin lately?"

the tables all around them are occupied with friends, couples, business partners, sitting around and having a drink. for once. the menu is easier to read and he understands most of the chatter going on around him. he's gotten rightfully tired of reading menus in japanese characters and conversing with people in his second language.

right in front of jeonghan is joshua, looking down at his half eaten cheesecake as he fiddles with the tiny fork in his hand. "yeah," joshua says, still looking down. "he's great."

but joshua didn't look up. didn't look into his eyes.

"don't lie to me."

joshua looks up and squints. "i didn't lie."

"you did," jeonghan retorts, "you didn't look at me when you said that."

he blinks.

jeonghan sighs, "you know he likes you too, right? he has ever since...well, _ever since_."

but joshua turns a blind eye. "i don't think he'd want to talk to me. he's probably busy anyway."

jeonghan rolls his eyes. "come on shua...we're literally going to his graduation tomorrow. did you even tell him you're in korea?"

but joshua just stares at jeonghan.

his silence is enough for jeonghan to figure out the answer on his own.

* * *

seokmin looks at himself in the mirror.

a year has done him well, if he'd say so himself. he's grown a few centimeters and tanned his skin. his jawline is more prominent than it had been before and he'd just recently dyed his hair a pretty shade of auburn. the colour makes it look like he's glowing under the sun.

a year without joshua was a year of change, and it's probably the same for the other. seokmin's not even sure he'd even recognize joshua if he'd ever see the older again.

_"we'll meet again, i promise."_ he had promised, over a year ago today.

an empty promise, that had been. a _lie_. just like the one seokmin told joshua that night chan confessed to jihoon. perhaps, this is just karma coming to bite him in the ass.

it's been over a year. seokmin's accepted the fact that he's never seeing joshua again.

in his year of change, seokmin unlearns all the habits he's created thanks to joshua. he's stopped looking for the unique text message alert he assigned joshuas number. he's stopped expecting chan to wake him up at nine in the morning on a saturday. he stopped staying up every friday night to play pubg. he's moved on, almost completely.

almost.

seokmin could never bring himself to stop wearing the braided cord bracelet joshua got for him in japan.

why? the world may never know.

but other than that, every other memory of joshua was gone. what good was holding onto someone who'd drifted away over time anyway?

"ready, starboy?" wonwoo pokes his head around the doorframe.

"yeah," seokmin fixes his hair. with a deep breath, he says. "i'm ready."

seungkwan smacks seokmins hand. "stop. your hair's gonna puff up. do you want to look like a haystack?"

"hey," minghao joins them. "seungcheol just picked jeonghan up. they're on their way."

"aw, that's nice," seungkwan coos, "shame joshua couldn't make it though."

seokmin shrugs, although the mention of his name feels like a needle stabbed into his heart. "is soonyoung coming?" he ends up asking.

"yep," seungkwan replies, "he's just getting some stuff at home and he'll be on his way."

just a year ago, soonyoung gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white. the streets beyond the countryside scared him to no end. every time he sat in the drivers seat inn the city, his neck was stiff and he couldn't focus on anything other than what he saw right in front of him.

now, soonyoungs driving him, wonwoo, seungkwan, and minghao to their graduation ceremony like a proud dad. a gap year, too, had done him well. seokmin could hardly think of what it'd be like if soonyoung instantly launched himself into university after his own graduation. no, more like he didn't _want_ to.

the car ride to school is filled with wonwoo and minghao bickering on both sides of seungkwan in the backseat. seungkwan just looks up onto the roof of the car, ears plugged the second he realized he's sandwiched between minghao and wonwoo.

at the halfway point, soonyoung says dramatically, "ah...i remember when i was your age..."

"you're only a year older than us," seungkwan huffs.

"but i'm wise and old at heart," he grins at the younger from the rearview mirror.

soonyoungs smiles for seungkwan no longer holds layers of meaning anymore. as previously said, a gap year has done him well, especially regarding his lingering feelings for seungkwan. soonyoung dove into the world of internships and work experience, and he finds that there's a lifetime supply of people to get to know outside of high school.

in other words, his circle isn't confined to just seungkwan and his other friends.

he could end up dating the cute girl he worked with at the cafe. or the attractive tiger enclosure keeper he chatted with at the zoo. or maybe even his hot and young manager at the daycare who's shot him one too many lingering glances. none of those people were seungkwan, yet soonyoung could proudly say he has at least _some_ romantic interest in every single one of them. maybe not as strong as his feelings for seungkwan, but there's something. something that could grow and develop into those same feelings he had for seungkwan, or maybe even stronger.

this time, soonyoung takes a gap year, but it's ot for seungkwan. it's not so that he'd start university at the same time as seungkwan.

soonyoung takes a gap year for himself. for preparation. for healing.

pulling into the schools parking lot, seokmin catches soonyoungs gaze. they make eye contact; soonyoung isn't saying anything, but seokmin knows from his gaze that soonyoung's pride defeats the pride of anyone else on earth at that very moment.

"alright kids, out," he says, "ceremony starts in twenty minutes. let's go!"

it's a hectic moment for the twelfth graders of the year. graduation gowns are quickly being handed out backstage, and seokmin barely catches his own after bumping into a guy in his biology class. he quickly pulls the clothing over his formal wear, fixing all the accessories that came with the black piece of clothing.

"hey," vernon comes up to him, "you nervous?"

"not really," seokmin says, "just a bit...surprised."

"surprised?"

"that i passed high school," seokmin snickers, mostly to himself.

in the distance, he hears mingyu speaking loudly to his other friends. seokmin catches the words 'miss' and 'later' leaving the boys lips as he rapidly spouts out sentence after sentence. he's frantic with his words, which should be normal for mingyu, but his voice breaks at one point, and chills shoot down seokmins spine. mingyu's speaking quickly not because he has a lot to say, mingyu's speaking quickly because he knows that if he stopped for even a second, he'd break down.

and seokmin can't see mingyu cry.

if mingyu cries, he would too. and then seungkwan. then soonyoung, even if he's in the crowd watching from afar. it'd be an embarrassing chain of crying, to which minghao and vernon would walk away from out of embarrassment. given the chance, seokmin would expect wonwoo to book the next flight back to the uk just to escape the shame.

"can we have the students line up in position?" their history teacher calls out.

seokmin offers vernon a quick fist bump as a goodbye. they part ways, and seokmin positions himself into his slot in the line of students.

here they come.

* * *

"i'm nervous," joshua mumbles.

jeonghan, in the seat behind him, smacks his head. "yeah no shit. you should be. who ghosts their crush after they leave them for university?"

"this dumbass apparently." seungcheol says.

"i did not ghost him!"

"well does he know you're here today?" jeonghan shoots.

the distant music from the lecture theatre of their school is audible from the parking lot. joshua's instantly taken back to his own graduation, where he had half the girls in his grade confess their feelings for him, but the only person on his mind the entire ceremony was seokmin.

it's also where he looked at jeonghan and seungcheol and thought for the first time, "i never want to let them go".

frankly, he only realizes he has a major issue with leaving them just before he _actually_ parts ways with them.

the realization is a fact he's been aware of this entire time. he knows seungcheol and jeonghan are as good as friends get, but it was only in that exact moment, that exact fraction of a second where joshua decided with every fibre in his being that no matter what happens in the future, he'd never give seungcheol or jeonghan up. even if it meant saving the world from certain doom.

"c'mon," seungcheol says, "soonyoung just texted me saying he saved seats for us."

"okay. the others?"

"already there. wonwoo too." seungcheol grins, showing them the picture soonyoung sent him.

"you guys go on first," joshua says, "i need to think."

"shua, don't be ridiculous. come with u-"

"han, i'll be there," joshua cuts in, "promise. i'll go. i'm just...i don't think i'm ready yet."

the two share a look between them, but decides to hand joshua the car keys, leaving him alone in the passengers side.

it's quiet in the car. so quiet, that joshua can feel the anxiety creeping up inside him.

joshua sighs. he's seeing seokmin again after a year. it had been....maybe three months since they last texted each other. would seokmin hate him? was it even his right to show up? what if this was a mistake? god, he should've just stayed at los angeles, shouldn't he?

joshua's not ready, at all. he hasn't been, even if he'd known about the graduation ceremony for months now. he can't possibly face seokmin, especially after all his mistakes. how could he? after fucking up beyond repair?

joshua's hurt him, hasn't he?

he has. there's no question there.

but what's done is done. to dwell on past mistakes is to ensure failure, so joshua only has one move left.

and what better way to execute it, if not in real life?

* * *

the ceremony passes by in a flash. walking down the aisle, seokmin was luckily paired with seungkwan. vernon had to walk with a guy he recognized in civics, and minghao had a girl from his geography class. as for mingyu- well, to say "mingyu was paired up with one of his friends" is factual enough as it is vague. the entire twelfth grade population are essentially his friends.

once the ceremony ends, and the valedictorian has delivered her speech, seokmin bolts down the stage and instantly tackles soonyoung, jihoon, and junhui all in a hug. after all, they're standing next to each other. it's like they're praying for seokmin to wrap his arms around the three of them at once.

"oh god, i can't believe i made it," seokmin gasps.

jeonghan slaps his back. "good work kid! soon, we're going to be _major_ buddies."

"major buddies?" seokmin repeats.

"hold on...major bu-"

_major_ buddies; major as in big, but also, major as in university major.

it finally clicks in seungcheols head. "oh my god. oh my god! yoon jeonghan!"

with his fist in the air, seungcheol proceeds to chase jeonghan around the room as jeonghan lets out occasional, high pitched cries.

"they're kids."

"they're _exes_."

"they're smart enough to know when something's bad for them."

"well not jeonghan. you know he's still after the guy."

"dude..."

behind them, wonwoo and minghao are talking to minghaos parents. wonwoo either has a death wish, or is extremely loved by minghaos parents. the linked hands hanging between them are painfully evident to the pair of adults standing right in front of them that seokmin wonders how wonwoo's still _standing_. he wasn't even dating joshua back during the japan trip, and he'd be damned if his parents ever caught them holding hands, like when they were in harajuku, looking for jeonghans beloved crepe truck.

somewhere off to the side is kim mingyu; he's surrounded by people, but he still looks so solemn. his friends are sharing stories, reminiscing the old days, but mingyus mind is washed over with memories of him and wonwoo, minghao, seokmin. those with _actual_ impact on his life.

their gazes align, and seokmin instantly motions for him to come. mingyu grins, sharp canines showing. seokmin's reminded of the first time he met mingyu; the huge, overactive puppy who tackled wonwoo to the ground. he instantly excuses himself from his group and bounds towards them, vibrating as he moves to, once again, tackle wonwoo to the ground.

"oh my god! i didn't know you two were back!"

jihoon snorts. "if i had to speak chinese for _over_ a year straight, i'd just drop out. conversation is fine, but traditional characters are a nightmare."

before junhui can respond, jeonghan suddenly yells (again, he still can't scream) "ex fuck buddy!" pointing at junhui.

junhui sinks to his knees, ears flaring red. "no way. no way he just yelled that. isn't the principal here? please shoot me. just bury me alive or something. oh god."

"get up!" jihoon hisses, "you look like you're about to suck his dick in front of seventy parents!"

junhui scrambles onto his feet.

seokmin retracts himself from their conversation once jeonghan and seungcheol joins in on the coversation. he looks around, seeing the theatre flooded with parents and teachers and students alike, all here for only one thing; to support their friends and family. watching wonwoo hold minghao close to him once they're away from his parents makes his mind drift to the thought of joshua suddenly.

it's been so long. he'd almost forgotten about him, stowed away in the corner of his mind.

joshua isn't here today to relive that part of him inside seokmin, however. jeonghan and seungcheol may carry a part of him, but seokmin knows that joshua's not _actually_ with them. he could still be in los angeles, after finding something, or someone, to stay for.

_he has a new life_ , seokmin reminds himself, _you can't keep him trapped in the past._

except seokmin isn't the one keeping him trapped in his past. it's joshua himself.

when seokmin sees joshua walks through those lecture teacher doors, seokmin feels his knees buckle.

there's no way that's joshua hong, right? his eyes are deceiving him. he didn't book a flight here, all the way from los angeles did he?

but from the way a group of girls in the room gathered and started whispering, seokmin's forced to believe that that really _is_ joshua. in the flesh.

what the hell is he doing here?

a year had done him- oh god, well doesn't even seem to cut it. joshua's fucking _stunning_. he always has been, but this time, he takes seokmins breath away. he walks through the doors with his head help up high, skin glowing under the yellow lights of the theatre, and a confident posture. seokmin's locked away all his memories with joshua, and he thought he had sealed the key, too, away for good.

but seokmin never considered joshua himself as the key.

* * *

_joshua’s standing in front of his door, a bright smile on his face._

_joshua’s sitting in front of him, across the table. seungcheol and jeonghan are right there with them, but seokmin only sees joshua._

_joshua’s next to him, phone recording in his hands as they watch seungcheol and jeonghan make a fool out of themselves._

_joshua’s hand is on his wrist. seokmin’s in the middle of a pubg game, but he feels the sparks on his skin all over again._

_joshua’s name is written right there on the google form response list with a song that seokmin gave to him a while ago._

_joshua’s by his side the entire vocal competition. through seokmins pride, tears, happiness, and confusion, joshua had always been there._

_joshua’s up on the stage, mic held to his mouth as his voice fills seokmins senses. seokmin doesn’t remember a time he felt that happy._

_joshua’s shoulder is under seokmins head as they sit through, yet again, another monotonous school assembly._

_joshua’s sulking behind the screen after spotting seokmin and junhui with barely any space for jesus in between them. he didn’t realize it back then, but that night should’ve been the exact night seokmin realized joshua actually **liked** him._

_joshua’s standing on front of his door, again, but this time, with a bouquet for him (disguised as a bouquet for his mom), and four of their other friends._

_joshua’s freaking out next to him when they watch as jeonghan confesses his feelings to seungcheol. seokmin looks at joshua, and he realized he’s been in love with him the entire time._

_joshua’s on the other side of the line, solemn as he contemplates what the fate of his friends would be. seokmin comforts him and sings to him while waiting for his brothers own fate._

_joshua’s asleep on the seat next to him, head resting against the hard plastic of the plane cabin. seokmin wants to reposition his head so that he’s resting on seokmins shoulder, but they’re landing in five minutes anyway._

_joshua’s under seokmin with his arms wrapped around him. joshua’s so warm, so comfortable, and they’re both on the verge of passing out, but seokmin’s sent into an internal panic before he succumbs to the bottomless pit of sleep._

_joshua’s left his key card in his own room, that he cant get back into. without thinking, seokmin lets joshua stay over at his room, as they share a small, twin bed for the night._

_joshua’s laughing across the table, as they frame chan for a crime he never committed. to laugh privately with joshua, about something only the both of them (and chan) knew about, it makes his heart flutter._

_joshua’s wrapping a braided cord around his wrist. his fingers are gentle as they work their way around seokmins skin._

* * *

the braided cord bracelet! seokmins hand shoots up to touch the soft fabric wrapped around his wrist.

seokmin had stored them away, locked them in a space in the back of his mind, so he could finally, _finally_ let go of something he thought would _never_ come back to him. for a year, the bracelet had just been a little memoir from when he went to japan with an old friend. an old friend who left and never came back.

but it's not true. he did come back. it's hard to believe, despite the older being right _there_ , but he's here. he's back. he has to fly to los angeles again, obviously, for academic reasons, but this time joshua will fly back with a _real_ promise to keep seokmin close. if not physically, then digitally.

in the middle aisle, joshua stops abruptly. he sees seokmin there, fists grabbing hard onto the untucked hem of his dress shirt. even from afar, joshua can tell that seokmin's eyes are welling up with tears. they glisten under the artificial light.

"seokmin..." joshua breathes.

it's the airiness in his voice that makes him want to scream. it makes it sound like an apology more than a greeting, and seokmin wants to do nothing but run over there and punch his guts. how dare he, show up here and apologize? after three months of silence? three months of seokmin just wondering what the hell could've happened to him? joshua's in _la_ now, seokmin doesn't have mutual friends he can ask to check up on joshua for.

"you piece of shit," seokmin spits through his tears, "where have you been all this time?"

"i-i'm sorry, i just thought that you-"

"i what, huh? was busy? didn't want to talk? forgot about you?"

forgot about him.

joshua stays silent.

"do you have any idea how long i spent? just waiting for something from you? literally anything? a text? a call? hell we could've played pubg like we did during the good old days."

no. he didn't know.

he couldn't have even _imagined_ how much he meant to seokmin after all this time.

"how _dare_ you show up, joshua hong."

joshua's been defeated.

all that planning, thinking of what to say, what to do in the presence of lee seokmin, thrown out the window.

joshua's been defeated; seokmin's right, in every way he could possibly be.

seokmin has every right to be mad. he knows it. yes, seokmin could've started the conversations first, but if the younger could do so, why couldn't he? it's the same thing both ways.

except joshua didn't even tell him he'd be here for his graduation. that's on him, and him alone.

"fuck you joshua," seokmin says through his tears.

seokmin should've left the hall after saying that. if not, he should've punched joshua. slapped him. or maybe even just simply walked away from him, back to the safety of soonyoung and seungkwan.

but he doesn't.

seokmin finds himself running into joshua's arms.

his scent is different now; another altercation brought by the year of change they both went through. he used to smell like flowers and honey, his signature scent whenever he stood a little too close to seokmin. now, joshua smells like lavender in a bookstore.

this joshua is different from the one he adored so much at sixteen. he's worried, afraid. this isn't the joshua he's used to, but more than that, he's curious as to what this version joshua would be like.

"i'm sorry," he mumbles, hand tangled in seokmins hair. "i'm sorry, i really am. i'm so sorry."

seokmin says nothing, face buried into joshuas chest. he hopes that the hand with a tight grip on joshuas shirt is enough to tell him that seokmin's already forgiven him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOOOOOOOO ITS FINALLY OVER :(((
> 
> i had sooo much fun writing this and ive never actually gone through an entire slowburn fic without giving up halfway :00 i rlly wanna thank everyone for keepingn up with this fic from the beginning until the end!!! it means the whole word to me :DDD
> 
> also i know i never reply to comments but i want you to know that every single one of you who left comments really helped me finish this fic. even the simplest of feedback reminded me that my writing is still appreciated and im just so thankful for all of you ;)) thankn you for letting this fic happen!!!
> 
> i will be back soon, with a new fic :]] im not sure when, but when the time does come, i hope i see some of you again ^__^
> 
> anyways!!! thank you so much for reading up until the end!!!! hope it was a good read <33 love you allllll


	17. christmas bonus!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> listened to christmas memories by loving caliber on the way to my grandmas house and it sparked this ^__^ also i couldn't just leave this without everybody getting the happy endings they deserved (and why leave it at 16 chapters when i could make it 17 hehe). anyways i hope you guys enjoy!!

they say only 1% of people on this earth marry their first love.

that's eighty million people out of the almost eight billion people on earth.

unfortunately, at twenty four years old, seokmin's still not that special.

but that doesn't really matter, does it?

not when it's joshua that's been with him for as long as he can remember.

"do we _really_ need to get christmas decorations?"

"my parents specifically insisted," joshua frowns. "we don't have to go over the top. just get durable ones so they'll last years."

joshua takes his hand in his own. the store is bustling with people and their carts full of christmas gifts, decorations, and the like. seokmin thinks it's stupid how people spend so much on decorations when the event lasts only a day, but joshua's elated as he scans the aisles for something that fits their tiny, tabletop christmas tree at home. seokmin softens up, squeezing joshuas hand.

"we can just get this, play some music in the apartment," joshua says, holding up a small red garland. "enough for my parents, and they'll probably last a decade."

"unless chuuya breaks it."

"hm, chuuya _will_ break it."

seokmins favourite thing to come home to (other than joshua, on the rare days he's home before seokmin) is their one year old cat, chuuya. a stray cat, recently adopted, _devastatingly_ spoiled by joshua. he could tear their sofa up to shreds and joshua would let it slide with a mere sigh. also, the day they were supposed to pick him up from the shelter was also the day joshua finally finished watching bungou stray dogs. joshua's an overenthusiastic weeb and, well, you can connect the dots from there.

"you're too soft on him," seokmin says as they leave the checkout.

"no i'm not," joshua whines, "you're just mean to him."

"well i _did_ want that dog in the first place."

but nevertheless, when chuuya climbs onto seokmin and gets his claws all tangled in his clothes the second he opens the door, seokmin holds him close to his chest, cradling him as if he were his own child. joshua locks the door behind them, throwing the keys and coats onto the hooks nailed into the wall.

while joshua heads for the kitchen to drink his routine glass of milk, seokmin lies down on the couch to let chuuya rub all over him. the cat settles down on his chest, lying down so that its head is perfectly nestled in the crook of seokmins neck.

now how the hell is he supposed to get up and do anything?

joshua emerges from the kitchen without his glass of milk. the memory of the glass being knocked out of his hands flashes through seokmins mind. seokmin lifts his legs to allow joshua some space to sit before throwing his legs back down over his lap.

"when are your parents coming?" seokmin asks.

joshua muses. "maybe noon."

"then to my family dinner?"

he nods and sighs. "i'm nervous."

hold on, what?

seokmin snorts. joshua? nervous? if anything, it should be seokmin who should be nervous. joshua's met his parents plenty of times during their high school days, but seokmin? all he had was the time they spent in japan.

seokmin glances down on the bracelet on his wrist. the colour is wearing out due to time, and the ropes are beginning to fray a little, but seokmin wears it daily nevertheless. it's a constant reminder of how far he's come, despite everything that's happened to him since. he's had it on all throughout his last year of high school, and his entire college life, and even on his wedding night even if it didn't match the rest of his attire. he had it on yesterday, he has it on now, and he will have it on tomorrow. it's become his lucky charm of sorts, and also a silent reminder that even if joshua was far away, he'd always be there with him in one form or another.

with the bracelet, too, is another piece of accessory; the ring that joshua had proposed to him with less than a year ago. those especially helped on the days when joshua would spend the entire day working. the busy days where he wouldn't even be able to text seokmin back, carrying the load that a desk job brings at this day and age. it pays generously, sure, but seokmin despises the amount of time it takes. time that that joshua could have used to spend time with seokmin. time that seokmin could've used to actually _be_ with joshua.

"love you shua," seokmin finds himself mumbling.

with chuuya off his chest, seokmin can finally sit upright and lean on joshuas side. joshua instinctively drapes his arm across seokmins shoulders while seokmin clings onto joshuas waist. joshua throws a leg over seokmins, pulling him closer.

joshua turns his head to press a kiss to the top of seokmins head. "i love you too seok."

they remain in that position until the sun finally drags its second half down under the horizon. with their cat in between them and a romcom playing on the tv, seokmin's content with the way his life has turned out. a small apartment in the heart of the city, with the love of his life and one pet.

he may not have everything, materialistically speaking, but when it all comes down to it, seokmin's gotten more than he's ever asked for.

* * *

"joshua! it's so good to see you again!"

"what about me?"

"you bug us in the family group chat every three hours seok."

the visit from joshuas parents went smoother than seokmin expected. turns out, a bottle of wine and some cheese served on their wooden cutting board was enough to keep them (and joshua too) occupied for the duration of their stay.

seokmins family, however, is a completely different story.

chan sits in the living room, game console in his hands as he focuses on the screen in front of him. he, unfortunately, had not made it into that one percent of people. after chans last year of college, he quickly realized that jihoon's moved on from him, even if they were technically still "together".

but frankly, so has he.

the spark is gone, they both knew that, and they had shown mutual disinterest in the other ever since...when was it? chan can barely even recall. it was time for a change, no? as much as they both hated change, it was difficult to deny the fact that the time had come for them to finally separate.

but chan just got back to korea. how was it happening so quickly?

it's been happening for the past year, really. the both of them just turned a blind eye to it, praying that once chan came back, the feelings would all come back and it'd save their relationship, and yet it didn't.

it was hard to admit, but it just didn't. they'd both wasted seven years of their lives hanging onto something that ended years ago.

sometimes, seokmin thinks that chan still plays video games in lamentation over what he's failed to maintain. he sees jihoon in the way chan leans back against the couch, controller laying lazily in his hands on his lap as he fights the enemy on the screen. the can of coke sitting on the table, especially, makes seokmin think he's actually seeing jihoon instead of chan.

but he's not. there are only traces of jihoon in chan after those seven years spent together. seven years, gone to waste.

it's a miracle neither cheated in the midst of it all.

"so we're going to be taking these to your grandparents house," seokmins mom says.

the words _grandparents house_ , to seokmin, is a big old house just fifteen minutes away from seokmins old family home. it's where he spent a portion of his childhood, just before his parents had to work long hours at the hospital. a house all too familiar. it's awfully close to where mingyu used to live during their high school days, after figuring out that the nice boy who watered his grandmas flowers when she was tired on a particular day had been mingyu this entire time.

"we're not eating here?"

his mom gives him and joshua a guilty look.

"do they at least know i'm _gay?_ and _married?_ "

when he didn't get the chance to come home for winter break last year because of his semester project?

yeah, no way.

"well they know about chan but...no."

and it results in an awkward, yet well spent dinner at his grandparents' house.

the beginning of the afternoon was just a series of joshua being asked if he was a third, surprise son or a _friend_ of seokmin or chans. he just laughed nervously each time, replying with "i'm seokmin's plus one."

until the actual dinner came around, and multiple comments came out of seokmins grandmother about how _"he and joshua would make an excellent couple if they were gay"_. seokmin stood up from his seat, announced that he and joshua are dating, before the table erupted into a unified chorus of " _oh_ "s.

joshua has never wanted to hide under a table, but also kiss seokmin in front of a crowd more than he did in that moment.

in chans case, half of his aunts crowded around him asking where jihoon was. he'd made quite the impression on them last christmas, charming his way into their hearts with his stoicism and unbashed bluntness. he'd rather die than admit it, but the onslaught of jihoon-related questions from them made him want to lock himself in the bathroom and sneak out through the window.

as for seokmin, he got cornered in the kitchen by one of his cousins daughters, asking if joshua was _actually_ his _husband_.

"i just saw the rings! rings are for married people, right uncle seokmin?"

oh my god.

oh fucking hell.

he would be _damned_ not to tell a six year old the truth.

he sighs, "if i say yes, will you take the gingerbread cookies home?"

"oh- well...my mommy says they're not good for me-"

"joshua and i are married."

"okay! thank you uncle seokmin!" the child beams, carrying the tupperware of cookies to her own car. while she skips there, seokmin hears her say in a sing-song tune, "i have _two_ gay uncles!"

there's a snicker behind him, and seokmin wants to shove himself into the trunk of his parents' car.

* * *

the day after christmas, there's snow piling on the windowsill of seokmin and joshuas bedroom window. chuuya is curled up at the foot of the bed, tail only a few centimeters away from the sole of seokmins foot. he shifts his foot away after feeling the ghostly tingles of cat fur tickling his sole.

eyes half lidded, he takes a deep breath in. the covers are warm; he doesn't want to leave, but he feels around for joshua who should be behind him, only to be met with an empty spot.

he panics for a split second, acid rising up to his throat. this isn't the first time he's woken up without joshua next to him, and he's always found the older in the kitchen making breakfast, but the cold sheets next to him send more than just chills through his skin.

he fears that joshua may, one day, leave yet again, without another word. that joshua turns out to actually be too good to be true in the end.

but at the same time, seokmin trusts joshua.

after a few deep breaths to calm his racing heart, he shuffles quietly out of his room. the apartment is big enough for seokmin to be able to see the first half of the kitchen by standing in the living room.

yes, joshua is in the kitchen, sprinkling salt over a bowl of what seems to be beat eggs. there's a pan sitting silently over the small fire, handle lightly gripped by joshuas hand. seokmin would usually approach him and offer some help, but this morning, he watches silently from the living room.

he'd gotten so lucky in this life, to have met his soulmate so early on. to have been able to stay with him, even after they'd been separated by so many seas and so many years.

he's lucky. he's so goddamn lucky.

with a contented smile, seokmin finally comes up to him. "morning."

joshuas eyes light up when he sees seokmin. "good morning lovie."

joshua pours the seasoned eggs onto the pan. the liquid spreads, crackling over the heat of the iron under. joshua leaves it to let it cook for a while.

"need any help?"

joshua hums. "i think i've got this."

"okay." seokmin plants a kiss on the back of his neck. "i'll set the table, okay?"

but he whines, high and needy. "no, stay." he pouts, grabbing onto seokmins wrist.

who was he to deny joshua a request as simple as that?

seokmin presses his chest to joshuas back holds onto his waist. they stand silently, seokmin watching as joshua breaks the eggs on the pan apart. his chin is resting on joshuas shoulder, giving him a full view of the older's cooking.

it's intimate mornings like these that seokmin grows to cherish. quiet mornings spent cooking in the kitchen. they don't talk, don't have music playing in the background, but the occasional brushing of their hands makes seokmin feel like a teenager with a crush all over again.

seokmin sighs and buries his face in joshuas neck. he still smells like lavender and new books, and it's come to be one of seokmins most favourite, albeit common scents. he wonders if there's another just like joshua out there in the world somewhere.

"can we eat on the couch?" joshua asks, "you're too far away at the table."

seokmin smiles. "but i'm right in front of you?"

joshua shakes his head. "wanna touch you."

years ago, it felt as if the fact that all his friends were already dating someone they truly loved was a crime. seokmin felt left out, incompetent, because joshua was right in front of him, and yet they were never together, even up until when joshua left for la, and seokmin thought that he'd lost him for good.

but sitting on their couch, with a plate of scrambled eggs with too much pepper in front of them, joshuas arm around him and seokmins head resting against his chest, their cat pawing at the plate with pleading, dilated pupils, seokmin smiles. with the life he's deserved this entire time, seokmin thinks the wait was a blessing after all.

* * *

to jeonghan, the wait is a curse.

he's been cursed to walk this earth, chasing after someone who was always just out of his reach, for four entire years.

it's a curse. choi seungcheol is a curse. he has been, ever since he walked into jeonghans life all those years ago, but jeonghan was so distracted by his timid smile and shy waves that he barely even realized.

his phone background is still the picture of eighteen year old seungcheol at the beach that winter. the warm sunset is behind him and the sky is a pretty purple and pink. seungcheols eyes dazzle as he watches the sun set over the horizon, its light reflected in the ripples on the sea.

jeonghan had never changed it. he just couldn't. he couldn't stand seeing something else other than that god forsaken image on the background of his phone.

he finds himself at that same beach again one day, after a long day at work. he takes off his shoes and buries his toes in the cold of the snow. it stings, but the dull pain in his chest hurts him more. the memory of this beach and what it means hurts him more.

he met with three of his patients today, that's two (or even three) more than what his peers would have gotten on a lucky day. quiet and unassuming yoon jeonghan; the psychologist who sat in his office most days and kept to himself. how had he become the ace? the ace that all his co workers looked up to and envied? the ace that no one knows a single thing about? let alone the way his voice sounded?

he thought studying psychology would help him understand why and how he ended up the way he did. all the lying, the neglect, the apathy, the unwillingness to move on, the fucking _loathing_ , but he never did. he took what he studied in class and applied it to all his clients but he never understood why he lies. why his parents hated him so much. why he hung onto seungcheol for so long, although he knew it would end up fruitless.

or maybe he did understand, but he was just too afraid to admit it.

with the rough stone under him as he sits on the barriers, as he used to with lee seokmin, he sighs. today's been hard on him, hasn't it? there's an unmistakeable weight on his shoulders that weighs him down more than the weight of the world would.

he should really just talk to someone.

but talking to seungcheol would just hurt him. his university friends would never understand the sheer amount of time he's dedicated to seungcheol, rejecting everyone who asked him out in uni. junhui and wonwoo are probably busy with work. soonyoung's barely even ever there anymore. joshua...joshua's _married_.

and jeonghan's alone.

he's got a nice house, a nice job with nice pay, hell even a nice circle of friends although they were a pain to contact these days, but he's alone, when it really comes down to it.

_maybe a dog would be nice_ , he thought. maybe he wouldn't be so lonely anymore if he'd just taken the time to find someone, or at least _something_ , to properly love.

but why find someone when he already has seungcheol?

choi seungcheol, who, in turn, doesn't love him anymore?

choi seungcheol, who doesn't need him anymore?

perhaps it's time to accept that.

another deep sigh. jeonghan gets up and turns to walk home. seungcheol doesn't need him anymore; he's living a new life now, and he'll probably find someone to spend the rest of it with soon. he'll find his soulmate to share everything with.

for once, the thought of it doesn't fill jeonghans heart with jealousy.

when jeonghan turns the corner, just as he did leaving seungcheols house that march afternoon, jeonghan turns for a new beginning. a new chapter, where he chooses to live in the present. a new life, where he's in control.

for the first time in five years, jeonghan breathes, and his chest no longer hurts. jeonghan lets go, and the weight off his shoulders is pure euphoria.

this time, it's his turn.

* * *

a long table sits in the middle of the room with fourteen chairs scattered around its perimeter. half of them are already occupied by seven high school friends, drinking and laughing and talking as if the private room were their old schools' cafeteria. seokmin is one of them; sitting in between seungkwan and soonyoung, with jihoon, junhui, vernon, and minghao in a row in front of them.

vernon has tears in his eyes from laughing so hard. minghaos face is red from both the beer in his system and from holding in his laughter. jihoon has been quiet, but he smiles fondly at the stupid dorm room memories junhui is currently reciting.

"would've been funnier if that was jihoons first time getting wasted," minghao sighs.

junhui smiles. "well..."

"what? dude, no way. that was your first time?" vernon gawks.

"your first time was in _uni_?" soonyoung asks.

"first time," seungkwan snickers, "for both alcohol and sucking di-"

"guys shut up," jihoon whines, "xiaojun was a nice guy! we agreed to pretend it never happened the next day."

"he was our _roommate_. do you know how awkward that is?"

"shut up junhui."

the way jihoon glares at junhui brings seokmin right back to when he was just sixteen. just him and his friends against the world. they'd grown up, grown apart, grown to live without each other over time. it's bittersweet, more than anything, but life moves on, and you don't really get a say in any of it.

time flies in seokmins world. one second he could be in kindergarten, smacking boo seungkwans head with a wooden block. the next, he could be in high school, holding joshua hongs hand to warm him up. the next, he could be in his dorm room in singapore, quietly crying on his bed with a soothing hand on his back after a particularly bad fight with joshua.

or he could blink, and he'd be right here, in the present, surrounded by everyone he's ever loved in his life.

the table that was only half occupied is seeing an increase in participants over the next few minutes. joshua hong walks in, still in his shirt and tie as he apologizes for being late.

"hi lovie," he quickly whispers to seokmin before kissing the top of his head.

soonyoung grimaces. "disgusting, at least do that at home."

"you made out with that guy in front of me last week."

"i was drunk!"

seokmin and joshua have been married for half a year. half a year of each other and no one else. half a year of coming home to each other. half a year to compensate for the almost two years they spent running away from their feelings.

its been half a year, but seokmin can barely pay attention to joshua and soonyoung bickering, mind clouded with the fresh memory of joshua kissing his head in front of his friends.

seungkwan pokes his arm. "you look like a fool in love."

"y'know if you ask me," jihoon says, "i think he _is_ a fool in love."

"i'm in love," seokmin giggles, hiding his face. "oh my god. joshua, i'm in love with you."

joshua squints at him. "seok, we're literally married, i'd be a bit worried if you weren't. did anyone give him beer?"

"nope, he's sober."

man.

within the next ten minutes, choi seungcheol, jeon wonwoo, and lee chan all come in through the door. seungcheol takes the seat next to soonyoung (who instantly gets pestered with complaints about the lack of soju on the table) while wonwoo places himself next to minghao.

as for lee chan, he sits next to wonwoo, just so he avoids seeing jihoon more clearly on the opposite side of the table.

seokmin glances at jihoon. he's looking in chans direction, but chan doesn't look back at him.

a tired yoon jeonghan trudges in shortly afterwards, plopping down right next to joshua after he exchanges greetings with the table. he looks like he's going to pass out at any second, and that the only person keeping him awake is soonyoung, sitting _three_ seats away, throwing little balled up pieces of tissue at his face. soonyoungs lucky he's just gotten off work, or he'd be face to face with a fist by now.

and finally, last but not least.

kim mingyu. business graduate. ceo. with two point three _billion_ won worth of assets.

if a year had done them well back then, six has done kim mingyu _excellently_.

when he walks in, clad in an expensive suit and a pair of sunglasses with his hair slicked back with gel, it's like hes a new person. conversation stops, heads turn, and jaws drop at the sight of him. he's always been tall, but he's gotten so buff over the years and it makes seokmin feel like coming up to him and touching his muscles.

holy shit, are those- are those...?

oh my god, seokmin, that's _gay_. ogling your high school friends' muscles is _gay_.

but so is marrying a man (read: a twink), so who's really surprised?

"idiot," wonwoo smacks the back of his head and takes his sunglasses off. "who the hell wears sunglasses indoors? and who wears a suit to a high school reunion?"

mingyu whines, "i just got off work! this is my work clothes!"

jeonghan and joshua look down at their own attire before cowering in on themselves.

and just like that, the old kim mingyu returns. with his canines poking out whenever he grins and his entire body vibrating out of excitement. no matter how tall or how buff or how filthy rich he gets, mingyu would always be that same puppy boy seokmin met years ago.

mingyu ends up beside seungkwan when they finally decide to order some food. with seungcheol manning the orders, seokmin takes a moment to look around him.

it's weird seeing wonwoo, minghao, and vernon together without vernon staying quiet and third wheeling the two. wonwoo and minghao have broken up and chose to stay friends, but sometimes, seokmin feels like they either never got together, or they're just still secretlytogether up until now. the three of them seem closer than a pair of exes and their best friend should be.

then theres jihoon and junhui, bickering over something on the menu in a mix of chinese and korean. seokmin sees the teenage version of them in their words and the soft smile that plays on their lips.

joshua and jeonghan are catching up, eyes sparkling just like they used to when it was just the two of them before seungcheol came in the picture. jeonghan smiles wider than seokmins seen him smile these past few years. it fills him with a wave of serenity; maybe jeonghan's finally found the peace he'd deserved all along.

next to him, seungkwan and mingyu are giggling at memes on their phone. no comment on this one. they're just a pair of children and they always will be.

soonyoungs on his phone, vigorously texting someone whose contact name seokmin cant seem to make sense of with a huge smile on his face. there's a tiger emoji, followed by a flurry of multi-coloured heart emojis afterwards.

does seokmin even want to know?

in between seungcheol and wonwoo is seokmins younger brother, lee chan. he's quietly nodding along to wonwoos conversation with vernon and minghao, but seokmin can tell from this distance that chan's only hearing them, not listening to them.

for once, seokmin's dying to know whats inside that relatively quiet mind of his.

after their reunion dinner, mingyu had to leave because of some issue at the office. jeonghan and wonwoo are exhausted, seungcheol and soonyoung has a dog and...someone to respectively get back to. vernon, minghao, and junhui left (and promised to be back later) for more drinks, so seungkwan latches himself onto jihoon and joshua, rambling on about adopting a pet.

"penny for your thoughts?"

seokmin slides into the seat next to chan (formerly wonwoos), who's quietly scrolling through his phone. the younger looks at him before shrugging and going back to his device.

"no thoughts," he says, "just don't fancy being in the same room as my ex boyfriend of seven years."

"so why haven't you gone home?"

it's clear to seokmin, although he still asks the question. chan and jihoon had gotten used to each other being there, but they'd also gotten used to each other _not_ being there as well. they'd gotten used to needing each other, but also being independent of each other. it's always a dilemma with the two of them (as his mother always says); two adults with the mentality of a teenager when it comes to romantic relationships.

with a good job and a good house but no one to talk about your day with when you get home? seokmin figures that's not a good life at all.

"i know i'm not around much anymore," seokmin says, "but i'm still your hyung. you can talk to me, y'know? or jeonghan if you'd prefer."

chan sighs and puts his phone away. "you can't solve my problems. it's not even something to _solve_ , i just have to get over it."

for the first time tonight, chan looks at jihoon. the latter is watching seungkwan with an intensity that could easily be mistaken for the fact that he's interested in seungkwans story, but no. chan knows he's not interested in whatever documents you have to sign at the adoption shelter. he knows jihoon would rather live in an apartment alone; just him and his recording equipment, and no pets.

jihoon's just avoiding chans gaze, as hard as it is to not meet the latter's eyes.

"just _talk_ to him."

"it's not that easy."

"wh- chan! he's been looking at you ever since you walked in."

"if he wants to talk so bad, then tell him he's a coward if we both go home as exes tonight."

out of everything chan knows about jihoon, he knows the most that jihoon hates being called a coward.

* * *

chan finds a cigarette make its way between his lips as he leans against a pillar. summer nights have always been the most humid in seoul, suffocating his skin with the amount of water vapour in the air. chan blows the smoke into the air, wondering what happens when the black smoke mixes with the water molecules.

maybe if he were still in high school, he'd remember what the composition of secondhand smoke was.

he feels someone at the main entrance of the restaurant. they're new, static, and unmoving, but their eyes are locked onto chan, as if they were mustering up the courage to come up to him.

another lonely stranger who'd taken a particular interest in him back there, or lee jihoon. chan's not sure which one he'd prefer at this point, but he's also not sure if lee jihoon is just a subset of the first category.

chan decides to give them a little push. for courage, as he likes to justify it. "staring's rude."

"oh, s-sorry..."

ah.

lee jihoon.

chan would recognize his voice even if thirty years would come to separate them.

chan takes another puff. "did my brother send you?"

"no," jihoon says, still behind chan, "no, i just- i wanted to apologize."

sorry?

jesus, for what?

as if jihoon could read his mind, he continued. "for- for how it ended. i don't know, i feel like it wasn't right for you."

"hoo- jihoon, we were separated for nearly six years," chan sighs, irritated, "we got bored. lost feelings. moved on. what's there to apologize about?"

"o-oh."

just for a moment, the timid footsteps against the ceramic tiles makes chan think jihoon turned to go back into the restaurant. after all, he still has to take junhui home, so it strikes him with surprise when jihoon, instead, moves right in front of chan to face him.

jihoons eyes are glossed over with- what? what is that? chan has always been able to read him, but what is that look in his eyes? sadness? anger? frustration? tiredness?

perhaps, yearning?

chan pushes past jihoon to toss the cigarette onto the road in front of the lobby, putting it out using the sole of his shoes. jihoon's never been able to stand secondhand smoke; it's a major part of the reason why chan even started his weekly trips to the convenience store, walking out with a bag of chips and a sealed box of menthol cigarettes.

the cold of the chemicals made him feel alive, like the stinging frost in his lungs would somehow overpower the frost in his own heart until he didn't have to feel it anymore.

he returns to his original spot: against the pillar with jihoon standing in front of him. chan stares the older down, as if taunting an answer out of him.

"well?"

"chan, i- some- well, i...wanted to ask if you'd consider...trying again."

trying again?

is this some sort of joke?

does he think this is _funny?_

"no," is chans simple response, "drop the joke. it's not funny."

"huh?"

if it weren't for the slight crack in jihoons voice, chan wouldn't have broken down his walls with the strongest sledgehammer on earth. it's the desperation in jihoons tone that gnaws away at chans heart, the sincerity, the goddamn _break_. chan's nothing but a monster to blatantly reject him with just a no.

"we were young, and the feelings were so so right but they came at the worst possible timing ever," jihoon says, "but now that we're here, it feels like it was a mistake all along."

"so what do you want?"

"come over, stay the night," jihoon blurts out, "just- just one night and one day. i'll prove it, that we need each other."

"i _smoke_. you hate secondhand smoke."

"well we can get to that later."

seokmin watches the exchange from within the (useless) safety of the restaurants glass front. he watches as jihoon confesses all his lingering feelings for chan, makes new promises that he swears to keep this time, and truly opens up to someone who isn't junhui for the first time in a long time.

"once a wingman, always a wingman," joshua comments, walking up beside seokmin.

seokmin just sighs. "i can't help it shua. i may be dooming them, but at least they get to be honest with each other."

joshua places a hand on seokmins shoulder. "i know lovie, i know."

"can we go home?"

"mhm. mingyu's covered everything like the true sugar daddy of twelve he is." joshua grins.

"do not- oh my god, joshua hong, do _not_ call mingyu a sugar daddy. _ever_."

still in a flurry of disappointment, seokmin grabs onto joshuas arm as they make their way towards the basement where their car should be. the drive home is quiet, but its the type of quiet joshua particularly enjoys. it's one of those quiet car rides when he can hear seokmins thoughts through the vibrations of the car. the type of quiet that settles over them like a warm blanket in the middle of winter.

seungcheol's happy as always, with a furry white dog for a lifelong companion.

jeonghan, jihoon, and chan has found closure after six years, albeit a different type of closure.

junhui's still beautifully single, soon to be surrounded by cats at the ripe old age of seventy.

soonyoung's found someone who can be open and honest with him at all times.

wonwoo's working in a successful company with a secret partner none of them has met yet.

mingyu's the leader of an entire empire, ready to serve him at all times, for the rest of his life.

minghao- ah shit, what is minghao doing?

seungkwan's traveling a lot and exploring all the corners of the world; inspired by mingyu's plan to visit every single place seoul has to offer.

vernons- jesus, what are minghao and vernon doing? why is it always the two of them who are the most mysterious?

chan, well, seokmin prays that tonight, with jihoon, mends all the holes in both their lives.

and joshua, finally...

joshua's with him, safe and sound.

seokmin turns to face joshua, sitting on the drivers side of the car, hands firmly on the steering wheel, eyes focusing on the road ahead, and he remembers wanting to feel smaller and sink into his seat at sixteen. at twenty four, however, seokmin just smiles as the car turns onto their road.


End file.
